Mother Now In Skilled Care Facility Permanently (Continued)

[Harri]

I would think they would tell you what to do but, being always suspicious of health facilities and insurance companies, I would trust them to focus on what is in their best interest, not mine (yours or your moms).  Cynical of me?  yes!  Realistic?  I hope not.  Sorry, not being much help here.  Just keep being careful!  Ask questions.  Sign nothing.  Keep throwing the ball back in their court as you have been doing. 

[Turkish]

The nursing supervisor called me this afternoon.  They want my permission to put my mom on a mood stabilizer.  I asked what was going on.  To keep her from lashing out and yelling.  I wish I were closer.  I think I could help,  maybe.  The current plan after the aborted trip last month is to drive up there with my kids the weekend after mother's day,  so in two weekends.  My sure what to expect, but I'll get my kids out of there quickly if it's bad.  I like to think it won't be based upon our last visit,  but I can't expect that. 

I'm not anxious, just sad. I'm also sad for my kids, but they have good memories of her from when she lived with us.  Unlike my mom who easy overshared when I was little and beyond,  I won't shatter their view of her by telling them age-inappropriate truths. No way in hell will I place that burden upon them. 

[Kwamina]

Hi Wolfish

Monitoring things from afar can be difficult. Did the nursing supervisor also mention to whom your mother is lashing out and yelling? Did this happen after your mother fell and hit her head or did something (else) perhaps happen in the nursing home which might have triggered her?

I'm not anxious, just sad. I'm also sad for my kids, but they have good memories of her from when she lived with us.

Yep, and like I said back then, what you did by taking your mother in was very important. Not only did you quite literally probably saved her life by getting her out there before the extreme cold hit, you also gave your little ones the chance to have lasting memories of their grandmother. And there's also the little Chihuahua of course You mentioned before still looking for a sense of family, but at least for your little ones you created a sense of family here

The Board Parrot

[Harri]

I wish I were closer.  I think I could help,  maybe.

I too wish you were closer as it would be easier for you in terms of time and peace of mind.  You said you think you might be able to help.  Help with what?

[Turkish]

I didn't ask for specifics. I should have. 

I could help by visiting more so my mom wouldn't feel so abandoned. I didn't emancipate myself at 16 and be independent my whole life only to be stuck in a home with no freedom.  I can't imagine how she feels.  I certainly wouldn't like it. 

[Harri]

Okay, I understand you wanting to help with that.  I too can't imagine being in a nursing home after being so fiercely independent for so long.  Your mom certainly was/is a fighter and strong in so many ways.  Remarkable really.  One note, and you can tell me to shut it, she is not "stuck" in a home even tho she may feel like that.  She is where she needs to be at this point in her life. 

Does she have room for personal belongings?  If she doesn't already have one, how about a picture of you with your kids that she can have close?  Phone calls?  Is she good with technology?  Would she be able to do skype calls with you and the kids?  The kids can draw pictures and snail mail them to her.  it would be a lovely surprise for her.

None of those things will necessarily help completely but they might help her feel less cut off until she can maybe be moved closer. 

[Turkish]

 My mom was a technology waif in the best of times.  She fled a local class given by a guy who "could train anybody" and specialized with the elderly.  My mom's BPD didn't help. 

I had thought about bringing pictures of the kids.  Good idea.

[Kwamina]

If she doesn't already have one, how about a picture of you with your kids that she can have close?

That's a great idea indeed!

If things go well, maybe you could also make a family foto of you, your kids and your mom together. Three generations of the wolf pack

[Harri]

LOL at technology waif!  Oh how I wish I could go in a nursing home and volunteer to help the folks make skype calls to their family!  I wonder if the activities director would hire me?  haha

I definitely like Parrots idea of a generational photo!  :)efinitely though make sure you include yourself in whatever picture you bring!   What about music she can listen to?  Maybe not an ipod but if you could find a cd player or something she may have used long ago?  I know music can do wonders with the moods of elderly people... .anyone really.  

Okay, I am going to stop before I go overboard with suggestions!  

Don't poke the wolf!