I knew my ex 5 years and dated her 6 months and I can’t get her out of my mind

[Shawnlam]

CryWolf,

I feel your longing quite acutely. Isn't it something? No matter how bad the lows were, we still long for the good times, for them to realize the ills of their ways, to give us that last opportunity to get it right and make it right, to bring back that person we experienced a life-changing love with... .or so we thought.

I'm past that point now, but it seems like the last four years of my marriage were just that same kind of magical thinking of wondering where did the love of my life go and how can I get her back. Sadly, she is gone forever, maybe never existed and I created her to be more than she ever was and was ever going to be.

I am very sorry you are hurting so much.

J

4 years ? Man how did you move on what tricks did you use. I knew my ex 5 years and dated her 6 months and I can’t get her out of my mind... .mostly for the very same reasons you mentioned above.

[Jeffree]

4 years ? Man how did you move on what tricks did you use.

I said the "last" four years. I was married to her for 8 years.

You want to know the truth? She was so consistently horrendous toward me that I really had no choice. First, I resigned myself to the fact we'd never have relations again after she anger F'ed me the previous few times, which had made my skin crawl. Then I moved out of the bedroom, since there was no use in trying to function as a normal couple when there was no affection, no kind words, and no romance left from her. Then I caught her chatting up some guy in the middle of the night one time and she moved out two weeks later.

Once I really looked at the dynamics, I could see it was just a game and I was a sucker, only she had overplayed her hand and I was finally onto her. That's when I was completely done. She could have danced in front of me naked, and I would have been... ."Really?"

Plus, her complete rejection of me was so consistent and thorough that I knew it was over for good. There were no more light, lovely moments, not a kind gesture left, barely any civility left, and it wasn't as thought she ever expressed missing it. She had a simple overarching justification of it all, "We just weren't good for each other."

I don't miss her, per se, but rather that feeling I used to walk around with that I was with someone I looked forward to looking at across the table for the rest of my life. That's all gone now.

J

[Cromwell]

I think Jeffree's post above hit home for me.

The minute I read it and recalled the verbal put downs and the ugly side, the vile behaviour, I remember there is a good reason I detached.

There will never be a return to the good company/good days- those feelings gone and I just cant get them back.

So whenever I get moments of "missing" her, its important to recall the bad along with the good. I think the reason for entertaining thoughts of missing a person who has in the past provided a source of great hurt, is because this hurt hasnt been taken on board strongly enough, it was filtered or diluted. It was "splicing" the bad parts out of the romance like a film director.

Just reading the post above is something I wouldnt do myself if I didnt have this site. being with her =s a chance of pain, missing her therefore =s missing the chance of more pain.

Ergo, I should not be missing her at any point in time.

[Jeffree]

Cromwell,

The thing with me was it was so pervasive that I practically had forgotten I had actually been in love with her at one point in time.

It started out amazing with constant love, affection, kindness and adoration on both our parts. Then there were misunderstandings and disagreements that were "repaired" with make-up stuff; then there was only a barrage of putdowns, insults, humiliations, and abuse with no makeup opportunities (at which point I would have welcomed them), then it was only the misery with me not being interested in making up or trying to make things better as she raged away all the time. That's when I had given up completely. There's nothing to miss about that version of things. As a matter of fact, I stayed longer than I should have.

J