Hey juju
I began NC around about late March, early April when it was obvious to me she was moving onto the second replacement. A couple of days later it became official.
I started it because I was beginning to think more clearly as I was being medicated for anxiety disorder.
I realised how much she was using me and hurting me during the time of her first replacement. The way she talked about him made me feel like she was trying to convince herself he was a great guy. Some of the things she shared with me was inconsiderate, hurtful and just plain sadistic.
I didn't want to go another round with guy no. 2.
I'm still struggling to get over her, there's still this feeling inside me that hopes that we get back together. However I have the strength and clarity to say that I won't unless certain things occur, like her getting the help she needs for one.
what kind of things are you doing to help yourself get through this?Do you have a good network of people to help you ? Therapy ? Hobbies?
Hi Shawnlam
It can be very tough to push through these feelings. I've been to therapy before for other mental issues, but started therapy about a month before she left me. I had been seeing him regularly up until march when I started going every 2 weeks. I'm now going every 3 and if I ever need an emergency venting session, I have resources here in my country to call a couple of different organisations to talk to a therapist for free.
I have a couple of friends, but because of anxiety and social shyness, I haven't got a good support network. But my family is incredibly strong. Without my parents, my aunts and my cousins, I don't think I would be feeling as well as I am now.
How was your ex's emotional life when you were with her? How were you affected by her?
Hey RomanticFool
Your analysis of her words are very much the same as mine. She has a lot of guilt and self hatred centred around herself. She has been abandoned, hurt, abused mentally, physically and sexually that it has grown a seed of darkness within her heart.
The way she was treated during her childhood has left this ingrained sense of self hatred. "How can I be worth anything if this is how I've been treated".
About a month before this message, she lashed out at me on her blog, after she found out my family and friends had deleted her off of their FB. Every line started with 'I hate you' with 25 lines of different reasons why. All it told me is that she was feeling hurt, self loathing and sadness. Those words cut me deep, but they didn't affect me as much, because I could understand where it came from. I ended up just feeling sad for her and hoped that she got better.
Her apologising to me isn't all too surprising to me. She's an incredibly intelligent person and has shown signs of being empathetic. When we were together, her BPD wasn't severe at the time. I've come to a theory that the extreme stress that we both went through last year, triggered it to become severe. Like her behaviour was deteriorating rapidly, which I attribute to the fact we both thought she was going to die. After she split me black, she left me, which left a great big hole in her. My T explained to me that she will continue to build bridges over the hole, by replacing me, when what she really needs is to fill it, like I have been doing.
So our breakup was like the final straw for her BPD, as it started to get even more worse. It was awful the way she treated me during those months. It was like I was talking to a completely different person. I got to see only glimpses of the person I knew and it broke my heart that the person I once knew was gone.
I don't deny that the BPD was there during our relationship, but it was subdued and mild. She dealt with a lot of mental illnesses and trauma that really put a strain our relationship. But I tried incredibly hard to accommodate her and look after her when she had episodes. Days where she wouldn't listen to anyone telling her she was pretty, or good enough or that she was a good person. There were days where she couldn't speak because she was experiencing PTSD flashbacks.
She had a lot of empathy for someone with BPD, but there were times where her rationality and empathy went out the window. In those moments it took her some time to realise she was wrong and apologise. Those times it always took her at most, 3 days, usually a whole day.
This time it took her almost a year that maybe she might be wrong.
Have you done NC in the past? Is the first time that you have cut all communication with her?
how many messages has she sent to you overall in the last few weeks? Are you asking us because the tone is different in this particular message?
Hey there Mutt
Since I went NC, I received multiple messages from her that have decreased in frequency as time passed. The first couple of weeks after NC, she messaged me every day. She was so confused as to why I just suddenly cut her off. She even asked me, to which I responded that I needed space and time. A couple of weeks later my mother tells me that she had messaged her, wishing her a happy mothers day as well as a way to find out how I was doing. I do believe it was partly out of genuine concern for me. A couple of weeks after that she messaged me again asking about something to which I kept it brief and cordial. A day later she messaged me again asking why my Friends and family had deleted her off FB. I told her idk and the conversation starting taking a turn for the worst. I kept my cool and was mature throughout, whereas she was accusatory and projecting everything onto me. She soon vented these feelings onto her blog. A week later she wasn't appreciating the posts I was reblogging, sending me another hate filled message. She blocked me on some SM accounts to force me to unfollow her. I soon found out she had unblocked me as I accidentally at the time refollowed her.
Lastly, the one before this one, was sent the beginning of this month. It was one sentence and I believe it was her just showing me that she saw all the things I had sent her on this particular account that I thought she had deleted. Because she deleted it, I thought it would be cathartic to send her dead account how I felt. dumb move.
This is where she sent me the most recent one.
I would say I've maintained my NC since starting, only engaging when necessary. The bulk of her messages I've refrained from engaging.
