Thanks for the kind words Tina. My psychologist thinks I’ve made progress but still says it’s fresh and that I should be patient.
Taking the initiative and regularly seeing a psychologist is yet another step in the right direction.
Glad you have made progress. Being at a place where you wouldn’t go back and you can see how much you have grown must be such a great feeling. Can you talk more about what you have done? Is time and NC enough? I hope so.
Your questions are making me reflect! I appreciate the exchange.
I'd change your first question into ´what haven't you done´
? I've explored new hobbies, gone to therapy, journaled, meditated, focused on my career, spent time with friends, exercised, gone for walks, posted on these forums, tried my hand at manifestation (which didn't work out the way I wanted thankfully
). In the beginning, there was a lot of crying. A lot of oscillating. Waves of sadness, and regret, and not feeling good enough.
I think things started to change for the better when I was able to integrate what happened into my life's story. Give it a meaning to it that I decided on, and have an idea of what my future actions would be based on my values. There are a few posts from this forum that brought up points which really hit home when it comes to that :
- I should want better for myself, I deserve to be happy and not have my inner peace compromised
- People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. So, even if the relationship with my ex was difficult, the reason behind it happening was that I grew and became a better person
- I myself am a sensitive and empathetic person. No contact doesn't work for me, and that's okay, but with the intention of kindness towards myself I need to remain distant so as to protect my feelings and not undo the progress that I put a lot of work into
Recently, I met someone who I had a nice connection with. I was able to recognize that it wouldn't lead to anything serious because they are not emotionally available. It gave me hope to feel that way again. It was also nice to be able to let my brain think first before letting my heart have free reign. I will not torture myself over someone, and it isn't up to me to prove myself. These realizations apply to everyone, including my ex, who I used to categorize separately.
This experience has allowed me to extend even more compassion towards people who are going through breakups. It's a humbling and hard and confusing experience that is intensely human. Yes, time and distance help, but so does patiently working towards piecing yourself back together with love and kindness. It sounds like you're already off to a good start.
