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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Exiting a 5 year relationship with a diagnosed BPD  (Read 2381 times)
Schlaff

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Breaking up
Posts: 40


« Reply #60 on: February 10, 2021, 01:02:00 PM »

@khibomsis

Thanks for that link!

Man, this is something I used to just instinctively know. I was once the most calm, laidback, patient person I knew. This relationship has really damaged that. The time leading up to the break up, and a few months afterwards, I worried I’d never get it back. Kinda realizing right this second, that that’s a silly idea.

I get to choose if I can regain my prior mindset, of old laid back, patient, tolerant, empathetic me. Might be hard, might need some help, like that link. But I can get there.
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khibomsis
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Grieving
Posts: 538


« Reply #61 on: February 12, 2021, 01:53:02 AM »

OR, I hear you too. I realize that it is much easier for me to do the friends while breaking up thing long distance, it resolves itself into one, maybe a couple of calls a day. Which is far from the stresses and tensions of having to live with her. It leaves me plenty of time to deal with the reality of my CPTSD and examine the deep baggage I brought with me into the relationship. This is working that way, from the only point of view that really matters to me: 1 week no dysregulation  Way to go! (click to insert in post) Talked her off the ledge a couple of times, but getting better at that too. Each time she invokes her self-awareness and with time I am hoping that she will learn to de-regulate herself. For me, the important thing is that she gets healthy. I can't possibly see the relationship as being more important than that. In fact, I wonder if we had reached the point of becoming each other's triggers.  
Those tools really work Schaff. They may take years and lots of pain to acquire but they do.  Keep us posted on how it is going. Are you managing to implement them?
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