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Author Topic: Did yours have alter Egos/Personalities?  (Read 6717 times)
jhkbuzz
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« Reply #30 on: December 14, 2014, 07:36:39 PM »

Thanks so much for the links to the schema therapy articles. What struck me was the guidance for therapists: to view them as vulnerable children who mean no harm and who only are seeking a parent attachment.

Isn't that what we did? Isn't that what broke our hearts; hurt our bodies; and decimated our minds? And most/none of us had no idea what we were getting into... .much less were we equipped to provide a therapeutic setting for our loved ones.

So as educational as the "for therapists" articles are; I am more and more thankful for BPD Family and for each of you who teach and comfort and inform and the moderators who work to keep us centered, as many "self help" sites are anger-oriented: which can be helpful too, but doesn't really move us through the other stages of grieving.

The schemas and the modes certainly look like multiple personalities or the DID as described. And there are definite differences between how male BPD and female BPD manifest the disorder. But I almost NEVER saw the "detached protector" mode--until I was abandoned.

Yes... .that's exactly what we did. The difference is that we thought we signed up for a relationship with another person capable of the give, take and compromise in an adult relationship.  The interesting thing for me is that I didn't see the "vulnerable child" until after we moved in together and started co-parenting her 11 year old daughter.  I was dumbfounded as I slowly realized that, in many ways, I was parenting two children.  The real kick in the as* was that, over time, she began to resent me because she didn't feel 'equal' in our relationship. Her therapist even suggested to her that her anger was misplaced - that she was really angry with herself for being so child-like.  In the end it didn't matter - it was still, somehow, my fault. Out came the angry child and detached protector (whom I saw quite often), and everything went to hell in a hand basket.

Truth be told, I loved her - but I didn't sign up for  a therapeutic relationship with a 40 year old child.  If I knew then what I know now, I would have run for the hills.  I want  to be with someone who is capable of the full range of emotions needed to maintain a healthy, adult relationship.
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earthgirl
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« Reply #31 on: December 15, 2014, 06:37:13 PM »

Yep.

My UPWBP named his.  It was helpful in a way, because it made him less defensive after the fact, to talk about what [insert name here] did or said, as opposed to his own self.  But I think it's creepy and manipulative.  It's not like he is dissociating to the point he is actually another personality.  It seems like a cop-out to me.  

He's actually told me, in a calm moment, to actually *address* this other entity - by the name he gave it - when he is dysregulated; he said he wanted me to try to address it by this name he gave it and ask that personality/entity/whatever to "let me talk to [insert my husband's actual name here.]  

You can imagine how well that actually went over, when I tried it once (and... .only once) when he was dysregulating.  
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« Reply #32 on: December 18, 2014, 10:12:10 AM »

Okay, Earthgirl, that's just freaky!
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billypilgrim
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« Reply #33 on: December 18, 2014, 12:13:58 PM »

He's actually told me, in a calm moment, to actually *address* this other entity - by the name he gave it

Too weird.  Very similar to how mine was.   I remember a handful of times in which I asked "Am I talking to [wife's name] or am I talking to [alternate persona] right now?"  She would give me an answer - as though it were a legitimate question. 

Why do we put up with this?
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« Reply #34 on: December 18, 2014, 01:06:30 PM »

Mine will do these accent/personality shifts. The other night, we had a long sad discussion about the state of our relationship. It was very late. I realized that she was talking like a friend of hers; a woman with a strong accent from a different part of the country. Not only using the accent though, also using the attitude. And, I saw this another time. She had been watching a tv series with a different ethnic culture than ours. We got into an argument that night, and she kicked me out of her house, using the same ethnic intonation as her tv show. At the top of her lungs! Language is very catchy and sticky. This went farther than that though and became the donning of a personality. Sortta strange really.
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« Reply #35 on: December 18, 2014, 03:14:44 PM »

I was in a depression. Since that time I've gotten much better.

What happend to you? When are to going to get better?  You took the 100 and lied to my face. Go ahead and laugh.

You took the card this morning and tried to trip me. Who does things like that? Every time I get what seems like a break you turn on your other person and I'm tired of living on edge over this. Will you stop or I can book a place (any place) and survive one week at a time?

You should wake up yourself and see just how you do me.

This stops today.

NOW IM A LIER ASWELL. YOU NEED A BETTER WIMAN


What more can I say? There were at least 2-3 that I was able to recognize.
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« Reply #36 on: December 18, 2014, 07:58:02 PM »

wow YES! My uBPDh says that when he has an episode, it's actually somebody else inside him taking over
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« Reply #37 on: December 18, 2014, 11:06:50 PM »

I wonder if given the fact that a pwBPD has little sense of self they are more suggestible when they hear other people so then they pick up those "personalities"?
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Turkish
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« Reply #38 on: December 19, 2014, 12:32:28 AM »

I wonder if given the fact that a pwBPD has little sense of self they are more suggestible when they hear other people so then they pick up those "personalities"?

So it goes back to mirroring.

I found an old jounal of my Ex in the closet 9 months after she moved out. She had remembered it,.and asked me to return it (nothing like being Mr. Storage). The journal was one she had kept until about the time she met me. I scanned though it, and I was struck by the two district script styles. One entry was in a cursive still which was markedly different from what I knew,.such that I would have thought it was by a different person if not for the content. It was like she was trying out writing differently to affect her reality (I saw that based upon the content).
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« Reply #39 on: December 19, 2014, 01:02:36 PM »

Turkish, what do you mean by "writing differently to affect her reality"?
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ucmeicu2
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« Reply #40 on: December 19, 2014, 10:58:38 PM »

she never thought of herself as "multiple personalities" (or never admitted, if she did) but fairly early on i asked my xBPDgf if she had any blocks of time she couldn't account for.  first she said no... .a few moments later she said quietly "well yeah sort of... ." and trailed off.

she had abt 5 different "personalities" or "persona's".  what she simply called "parts of herself" that she had "gotten in touch with" over the years.  some of them had names.  one was a scared little girl, one was an avenging protector... .i forget the rest.  surely one of them must have been a slut       ... .i pretty much checked out of THAT conversation b/c it was too frightening for me.  but not enough to check out of the r/s.     i did go w/her one time to therapy and she was showing the therapist her list of these "parts", with names, pictures, their role, etc.  i really expected the therapist to jump up and yell "sybil!  sybil!" but she didn't.  <shrug>

there was another that she didn't know about, but i did.  i didn't notice initially but eventually i realized from time to time her speech would change into "valley girl speak".  so totally bizarre.

"Reading this paragraph back to myself makes me wonder what in the world I was thinking.  6 years with this person."

well {{hugz}} you're sure not alone.  4 yrs for me and i ask the same question.  the good news? if you ask the right questions long enough you do begin to get answers.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Turkish
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« Reply #41 on: December 19, 2014, 11:11:57 PM »

Turkish, what do you mean by "writing differently to affect her reality"?

A lot of the content was "magical thinking." Page after page of writing down what she wished for in life: the BMW, the 5 bedroom house, referring to her Ex as "my husban [name]." Like writing it would make it so. I mostly scanned the pages, but took the time to read the cursive script because it was very unlike her normal cursive handwriting. It was very neat, unlike what I could come up with if I tried.
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« Reply #42 on: December 20, 2014, 07:24:49 PM »

Lots of magical thinking w/her too. An endless vision, quest, and conversation about what she wanted for the future.
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Turkish
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« Reply #43 on: December 20, 2014, 11:05:22 PM »

Lots of magical thinking w/her too. An endless vision, quest, and conversation about what she wanted for the future.

Some of mine's was cultural. We had a large mirror in the living room. I said I was going to bring it back (along with a lot of other stuff she left in my house despite having months to prepare to leave). She said she would leave it so it could watch over the children. I gave it back to her. That spooked me a bit.
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« Reply #44 on: December 22, 2014, 12:48:50 PM »

Some of mine's was cultural. We had a large mirror in the living room. I said I was going to bring it back (along with a lot of other stuff she left in my house despite having months to prepare to leave). She said she would leave it so it could watch over the children. I gave it back to her. That spooked me a bit.

INDEED that would spook me too!

Turkish, what do you mean by "writing differently to affect her reality"?

A lot of the content was "magical thinking." Page after page of writing down what she wished for in life: the BMW, the 5 bedroom house, referring to her Ex as "my husban [name]." Like writing it would make it so. I mostly scanned the pages, but took the time to read the cursive script because it was very unlike her normal cursive handwriting. It was very neat, unlike what I could come up with if I tried.

Ah! Interesting! my uBPDh had lots of thoughts for the future and what we would do in retirement, even though we didn't really do the stuff he wanted to do for recreation in the last decade. (Maybe the TALKING about it was the recreation!) And then there was his constant cry of "I'm gonna have to work till I die!" Blecch.
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jhkbuzz
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« Reply #45 on: December 22, 2014, 01:44:16 PM »

she never thought of herself as "multiple personalities" (or never admitted, if she did) but fairly early on i asked my xBPDgf if she had any blocks of time she couldn't account for.  first she said no... .a few moments later she said quietly "well yeah sort of... ." and trailed off.

she had abt 5 different "personalities" or "persona's".  what she simply called "parts of herself" that she had "gotten in touch with" over the years.  some of them had names.  one was a scared little girl, one was an avenging protector... .i forget the rest.  surely one of them must have been a slut       ... .i pretty much checked out of THAT conversation b/c it was too frightening for me.  but not enough to check out of the r/s.     i did go w/her one time to therapy and she was showing the therapist her list of these "parts", with names, pictures, their role, etc.  i really expected the therapist to jump up and yell "sybil!  sybil!" but she didn't.  <shrug>

there was another that she didn't know about, but i did.  i didn't notice initially but eventually i realized from time to time her speech would change into "valley girl speak".  so totally bizarre.

"Reading this paragraph back to myself makes me wonder what in the world I was thinking.  6 years with this person."

well {{hugz}} you're sure not alone.  4 yrs for me and i ask the same question.  the good news? if you ask the right questions long enough you do begin to get answers.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

If she was talking about her "parts of self" she must have been in therapy - a therapist would have given her that lingo.

Check out Schema Therapy by Dr. Jeffrey young... .all those parts of self are represented.  www.schematherapy.com/id72.htm
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« Reply #46 on: December 22, 2014, 04:47:31 PM »

If she was talking about her "parts of self" she must have been in therapy - a therapist would have given her that lingo.  Check out Schema Therapy by Dr. Jeffrey young... .all those parts of self are represented.  www.schematherapy.com/id72.htm

oh yes, she has been in therapy her entire life!   born into it.  she knows ALL the lingo, all the workings, all the secrets of the trade.   her father was a therapist.  and SHE is a therapist, too!  well, she got her degree but has never been licensed or held a job.  although she "works" with people in an unofficial capacity.   ie, she plays therapist to them  -- without their knowledge or permission.  then she journals about how taxing it is to "work" with "all these f*@kers".

and she LIES to her therapists!  she manipulates them and wraps them around her little finger and demands special services, longer appts, phone calls Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post) off hours, appts on weekends, etc and you know what?  THEY ALLOW IT.  why?  bloody h*ll WHY?   b/c she's just THAT good, i guess.   there is only ONE person that i ever ever ever knew of that doesn't buy her BS and thats her probation and parole officer.  they told her flat out to stop leaving long voice mails, that they weren't even listening to it -- they just delete it, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  other than that?  she owns the world.  why don't the therapists ever ask me or her family to come in and pick our brain about her behaviors?  it's perplexing!  i guess she's convinced them that we're all abusers.  

i guarantee you, she is not in therapy to get better.  she's there for narcissistic supply!  she gets to bend their ear and it's "all about her" for upwards of 1.5 hrs FOUR times a week.

classic waif BPD  she's a victim.  everybody is an abuser.  she needs to be saved but refuses the help when you give -- or try  -- to give it to her.   she bats her eyelashes, acts demures, seduces, etc.

yes, my xBPDgf holds a therapy degree! how she made it thru high school, let alone college is beyond me b/c her entire life has been one big snowball effect of symptoms/illnesses.  her laundry list?  too long for me to even remember!  she's been to rehab 5-6 times, been to jail Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post) least 7 ties, went to prison for dui's for 2 yrs... . she hid it ALL from me in the beginning so that when i did see  any red flags i dismissed my own gut!  depression, bi-polar, BPD, OCD, NPD or narcissism, chronic alcoholism, suspended license (revoked for life now), jailtime, prison for felony DUI's, anorexia, bulimia, binging/purging (forced puking), abuse of laxatives and OTC and prescription meds, overdosing, suiccide threats and attempts, cutting, head banging, lying, promiscuous sex, a penchant for homeless/schizophrenic lovers (WOW ick!), entitlement,  i mean is there more?  of course there is but i'm gonna have to stop for now b/c i'm getting myself worked up.

currently i fiind myself in the middle of a horrific Smear Campaign by her against me.  everything she hates about herself she is projecting back onto ME and telling the world about it.  it's crazy as hell but the worst thing?  she's beautiful and seductive and oh so convincing so guess who they believe?  her!  wow i rue the day i ever met her.

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« Reply #47 on: December 22, 2014, 05:03:36 PM »

Yes, mine said she had multiple personalities. Over 100 of them. I interacted with several of them regularly. After researching BPD and realizing the depth of her mental illness, I do not believe she is actually multiple. I think it's a symptom of the dissociation that happens with BPD.

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« Reply #48 on: December 22, 2014, 05:14:49 PM »

Yes. Not having read any of the other replies here yet but mine said she'd created her own world when she was little where no grown ups existed.
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« Reply #49 on: December 26, 2014, 10:43:23 AM »

classic waif BPD  she's a victim.  everybody is an abuser.  she needs to be saved but refuses the help when you give -- or try  -- to give it to her.   she bats her eyelashes, acts demures, seduces, etc... .

currently i fiind myself in the middle of a horrific Smear Campaign by her against me.  everything she hates about herself she is projecting back onto ME and telling the world about it.  it's crazy as hell but the worst thing?  she's beautiful and seductive and oh so convincing so guess who they believe?  her!  wow i rue the day i ever met her.

And the truly amazing thing is the people WHO SHOULD KNOW (exbfBPD probation officer, mother, ex-wives, landlords) OTHER PEOPLE HE HAS DEFRAUDED continue to listen to and enable the smear campaigns.

I also completely agree about the role of projection that you wrote--everything he hates about himself, he projected onto me.  It took me a long time to figure out why he accused me of being a cheater, hypersexual, a liar, etc.
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« Reply #50 on: December 27, 2014, 02:46:24 PM »

Reading this thread in amazement and recognition:

My XW (absolutely BPD, undiagnosed and likely DID) had/has several distinct personalities, most of which have been touched on here:

Sweet, nurturing, sexy, incredibly happy and quite accomplished adult--the woman I fell in love with

Haughty, domineering and rude--particularly toward any "lay person" (service people, maids, waiters, etc.)

Chillingly cold: narrowed eyes, just a frightening mask of an utter stranger who looked at me with contempt. (It was this that drove me to divorce her; it was with this persona that she devalued and split me black as I begged her to stop hurting me with her behaviors)

The far-away person: she would zone out, often while conversing. Almost like a trance. I would snap my fingers and call to her, and she would very slowly return to reality, turning her head to me, usually with a blank, semi-serene, "What?" Others have remarked on this as well as our young children. ("Where does Mommy go?" Her third lawyer refused to represent her, saying, "Something is wrong with this person. She doesn't remember emails, even entire conversations."

But the most striking was the Little Girl, and I believe this, if anything, is her baseline state. And I don't mean a childlike innocence. I mean a grown woman complete with a contrived baby voice, curled in a child's posture, with expressed helplessness in all adult matters. She always lapsed into this baby talk with her mother who did the same, and who is at least bi-bipolar (diagnosed). Listening to them converse was bizarre; they were literally two very young children. When I told her I wanted a divorce, she assumed this persona, following me around the house with hands literally grasping at me like a toddler, shaking her head and screaming "No no no no no no!

Just writing this brings it all back and I am equally amazed at myself at not quite grasping just how troubled she is. I wonder if my replacement (a psychiatric nurse no less) has seen these yet.
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« Reply #51 on: December 27, 2014, 04:51:17 PM »

That's part of what's so difficult about pwBPD, from my undiagnosed experience. You see this stuff, acting like a child, acting like another persona, the helplessness, etc... And, it sort of breaks your heart. They really do need help. Then Sting! You get stung again.
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« Reply #52 on: December 28, 2014, 01:18:34 PM »

I've just been reading up on contempt because of a couple of threads around here. I'd been trying to put my finger on the feeling behind the way my uBPDh talks to me via texting and voicemails, it drips with something dismissive and "you are stupid." I'm starting to think it's contempt. All I could think of before was "condescending" which still carries the "i am smarter than you" idea. Dictionary.com says: "to behave as if one is conscious of descending from a superior position, rank, or dignity." For contempt it says: " contempt is disapproval tinged with disgust." The more I read the worse I feel!

His personality includes:

Mr Nice Guy, sensitive and caring and funny. (I used to see this one sometimes.)

Scarred victim child. Conversations about his childhood, sometimes after he had raged and belittled me and called me names. Also the "don't leave me" persona.

Alpha Man. "I will run you over with the force of who I am." A sneer in his voice, the belief that he is Bigger-Better-Stronger-Smarter than me. The Bully. <------ this is who I left.

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« Reply #53 on: February 13, 2021, 12:54:21 PM »

Multiple personalities... Good question. I wouldn't exactly call it multiple personalities. I have a close friend with true dissociative identity disorder, and trust me, that's a whole other level, but for all practicality the end result is close. Here's my personal experience:

1) I would rather say that my exBPD would have intense but fleeting emotions, going from one extreme to the other. Of course that feels like multiple personalities, but I would rather describe that as 'one person changing their minds and moods often, quickly and intensely'.

2) Dissociation did happen during times of extreme stress and fear of an imminent breakup. This was scary, as she would 'disappear' and turn into some kind of emotionless zombie.

3) She had dissociative amnesia for sure, complicating things even further. She could block out good times or bad times, deforming her view of people and things.

4) She often referred to her shadow-side, and her good side. And feel guilty and ashamed of her shadow-side, and say "that's not the real me".

5) In the end, I started to feel that her "shadow-side" became a convenient excuse for bad behaviour and a lack of empathy. I'm not saying this was deliberate, but you do start to feel that it becomes a bit selfserving to compartmentalise for her... Doing bad things and then saying "but that's my shadow-side, that was not me". Sort of an easy excuse for crappy actions.

6) I did go along in her "good side/shadow-side" reasoning for a while. Making excuses for her, almost. Near the end I started to integrate her two sides in my own mind, no longer seeing this as an excuse, and saying to myself "this is one person. One single person. The bad is just as much part of her as the good." And that was the start of my recovery I think.

What I'm trying to say is: I had started to compartmentalise her as well, sweeping the bad under the rug of the shadow-side, and keeping on seeing her as all-good. This made the breakup and losing her much more painful, since I lost someone all-good. And ignored the shadow version of her. Seeing both sides as one person made it easier to let go.
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