Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
December 16, 2019, 02:27:36 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: FaithHopeLove, Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
Ambassadors: Enabler, Forgiveness, formflier, GaGrl,  khibomsis , Longterm, Ozzie101, pursuingJoy, Swimmy55, zachira
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Poll
Question: POLL: How would you describe your most recent "post break-up" communication with your exBPD? [select the highest one on the list that applies]
An attempt to rekindle the relationship - 43 (12.6%)
Continuation of the breakup dispute - 63 (18.5%)
Looking for validation/redemption (either party) - 54 (15.8%)
Keeping communication lines open - 88 (25.8%)
Necessary information exchange - 48 (14.1%)
Other (please explain) - 45 (13.2%)
Total Voters: 334

Pages: 1 ... 3 [4] 5  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: SURVEY | Have you been in contact recently?  (Read 28270 times)
NewStart
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 948


« Reply #90 on: April 25, 2012, 11:22:59 AM »

How long ago was the last contact? August 2010

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)? It was almost a year to the date of break-up, long email after a year of NC telling me how much she loved me and missed me and the times we had together

What did I think the contact was all about? I think it was a fishing expedition, I'm not positive but my replacement and her from what I can tell were done soon after that.

How did I handle it? I didn't respond for about three weeks... .then we messaged back and forth a bit... .she wanted to meet and talk... .then I did the hardest thing I've ever done and responded that I didn't think we had anything to talk about, that I had grown and for her to please not text, email or call me again and to please respect that boundary... .and that's the last I ever heard from her.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why? Wow, tough one... .if I were a stronger man I would never have responded at all, but deep in my heart I wanted to believe that she really wasn't disordered... .that it would work out etc. etc... .

Do over... .in some ways too I think I should have been stronger too and just talked to her.

Over all, hard to say... .I even think it's hard to say what I would really do if she contacted me today.  I think I'm much stronger now and would opt to sit down and talk.

Newstart

Logged
soul
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 151


« Reply #91 on: April 25, 2012, 11:50:11 AM »

Last contact about a month ago [first in 13 months] Initially she phoned me a couple of times and left messages but I deleted without listening to them.

Bumped into her in a shop

Pretty much blanked her

No point being in contact, I have no more to give this person, not even words. Being normal I am backing up my words with action, NC means NC
Logged
MindfulJavaJoe
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Divorcing
Posts: 2470


Everything is as it is meant to be.


« Reply #92 on: April 25, 2012, 12:06:04 PM »

Still recieve almost daily contact from her via SMS or email.

I now just ignore unless critical issues wrt our children. The last one was 3 weeks ago. 

Most of the contact is unecessary and is all about her.

I have learnt to look after me and let go of her. Something she seems not to be able to understand. She has a new bf but I guess he does not satisfy all of her needs. If he did she would not contact me.

There was a time when contact used to be about seeing if I was still hooked. Now it is more to do with blaming.

I get texts with key words spelt out in capitals.

I do not see that she has changed in any way.

Her behaviour is always unenexpected but equally becoming more transparent over time.

I do not initiate contact with her.
Logged

MindfulJavaJoe
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Divorcing
Posts: 2470


Everything is as it is meant to be.


« Reply #93 on: April 25, 2012, 12:12:09 PM »

I forgot to mention the big advantage of NC is the time saved not having to carefully compose emails or SMS messages.

Smiling (click to insert in post)

Logged

abovebeyond
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: single
Posts: 177



« Reply #94 on: April 25, 2012, 12:25:22 PM »

How long ago was the last contact?

2 days.

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

Text. Arranged to get belongings back, stressing no face to face pick up.

What did I think the contact was all about?

Getting rest of my stuff.

How did I handle it?

Fairly calm and level headed, but with an under current of solidly anchored, pissed-offness.


If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

Not sure.
Logged
hijodeganas
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: have a (nonBPD) GF, a year and a half now
Posts: 492


« Reply #95 on: April 25, 2012, 06:09:34 PM »

Last contact was about 3 months ago.

The last communication we had was basically her raging at me for asking certain friends to remove her from their friend's list on facebook.

It was on the phone.

I didn't get baited into a fight, but it was pretty upsetting.  I realize what I did was harsh, but there was no kindness or warmth in her voice at all, and it was a bit shocking to me.

It could have been about a million things, but I think at least a part of it is what my friend's told me:  She wanted to use certain "mutual" friends (whom she barely knew) to keep tabs and/or influence on me.  She raged when she realized I had the power to stop her from doing that (all my friends deleted her, as I requested).

I handled it better than I handled a lot of things with her at the time, but in retrospect, I wish I had kept it briefer; we sent a series of emails back and forth afterwards.  I wish I had kept it simple and to the point: "Look, this is what I feel is necessary for me to help move past you.  You do what you feel you need to do.  Goodbye." Click.
Logged
bb12
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 727


« Reply #96 on: April 25, 2012, 07:09:06 PM »

How long ago was the last contact?1 week ago

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?text message. Me sending him a 'good luck' message for opening night of his play

What did I think the contact was all about?I have trouble handling the 'discard' I was subjected to. In weak moments, I will attempt contact. Never had this happen to me before and I guess I really still want to talk it out or end on better terms

How did I handle it?Poorly. He hadn't responded to an earlier text, so I sent this one for my own sense of closure (again!). Told him I was still in disbelief at the cruel way he ended it

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

Yes - my do over would be to do NOTHING. I am furious at myself to
allowing him to know / think he still has the power over me. By attempting any sort of contact, I gave away my power - and set myself back a few months in my healing.
Logged
JudasKiss

*
Offline Offline

Posts: 30


« Reply #97 on: April 25, 2012, 07:19:32 PM »

Last contact? Today

What was contact? Text message then attempted phone call.

What was contact about? First contact was about our children then immediately shifted to personal ie.  how was I doing?

How did I handle it?  First contact I answered question.  After second attempt I didn't reply and quickly got a phone call which I didn't answer. I finally broke down and replied to message, but stated for her not to go there and that was it. No more contact since.

Would I handle differently?  Not sure at this point... .
Logged
flynavy
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 158


« Reply #98 on: June 06, 2013, 08:45:59 AM »

How long ago was the last contact?

Physical - March 15, 2013

Phone/Text - April 21, 2013

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

Physical was for sex... . she agreed

Phone was for sex again... . didin't do it.

What did I think the contact was all about?

Trying to stop the pain of being alone after my wife died 3 1/2 yrs ago.

How did I handle it?

Physical - was our typical over the top sex... . but this time she seemed a little stand offish... . I think she didn't like or sensed that I was there not because I still wanted her but I was there just for nature call as she would put it.

Phone/Text - surprised her at airport after she visited relatives after she was texting me all day... . her other boyfriend was there to meet her.  I did not confront physically.  Texted her to see if she wanted me to meet her in baggage claim.  Obviously the the lies spewed out of her mouth as usual.  That was last contact ever.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?



Yeah... . would have never had sex with her after I called off the wedding last June... . Just kept the attachment going... . it was dangerous as well.  Her other boyfriend who was engaged to her as well who never knew about me just as I didn't know about him came to my house one night while we were in bed... . let's just say it was a crazy night.  Funny... . even though he caught us together he is still with her. 

Logged
Mightyhammers
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 149


« Reply #99 on: June 06, 2013, 09:02:55 AM »

Last contact was around a week and a half ago, she got me on FB to say that she had been to the town near where I lived and she managed not to get lost without having a panic attack. I think she just did it to get a reaction out of me ( she told me the day before that she was visiting near me ). I read it and deleted it.
Logged
eniale
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 167


« Reply #100 on: June 06, 2013, 09:38:51 AM »

After he told me about cheating, NC for 2 weeks (although he kept emailing me, wanted me to be his friend, knocked on my door -- I did not answer, etc.)  Finally called him.  He asked if I would go to a long awaited party with him (his friends who really liked me; guess he didn't want to explain why I wasn't there, his new girlfriend, etc.)  First I said yes, thought maybe it would be a good way to "end" it, plus I really like these people & thought maybe I would get a chance to tell the wife what really happened; knew he never would.  But after "sleeping on it" realized it meant a 3 hour car trip with him & became angry.  Called & told him I was not going, then emailed him, subject line:  GOODBYE and now it's 4 mos. NC & I am getting better all the time.  Great suffering the first month, but gradually each month it has gotten better.  Best part:  I no longer am obsessed with thinking about him.  Used to think about him ALL the time; every day it's less and less.
Logged
C12P21
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2512



« Reply #101 on: July 03, 2013, 07:58:14 PM »



How long ago was the last contact?


Two days ago



What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK
)?

The premiere of a documentary our child had produced.



What did I think the contact was all about?


He tried to converse with me several times, an attempt to look good in public.



How did I handle it?


I moved away from him three times and completely ignored him.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

I wouldn't change anything. Finally, I am in a place where my stomach no longer churns when I see him and I no longer respond to his attempt to recycle me. The only impact it has is nightmares for the next couple of nights due to his abuse of me.
Logged
Validation78
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: divorced
Posts: 1399



« Reply #102 on: July 03, 2013, 10:24:16 PM »

How long ago was the contact?

1 week ago

What was the contact?

Email

What do I think the contact was all about?

His need to dump his anger and frustrations somewhere. I haven't engaged one bit in 6 months, and now that the divorce is final, we have no reason to make contact. He needed to vent, to share his perceptions with me, perhaps in the hopes that hitting below the belt, which he did, would get me to bite.

How did I handle it?

I was shaken up. After letting it settle a bit, running it past a friend and my T for a different perspective, I decided what I thought was a threat was not, it was an intimidation. I tore it apart, line by line, word for word, and can counter every statement with my truth, THE TRUTH, and saw it for what it was, vastly projection! I ignored it, just as I had all the rest, the sweet ones, and the mean, hateful, angry ones. I did not engage.

If I got a do-over would I handle it differently?

No. I accept that to engage is to enrage. He's already angry and hateful. I don't need to add fuel to the fire. I feel good about upholding my NC commitment!
Logged
eniale
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 167


« Reply #103 on: July 04, 2013, 03:27:59 AM »

Email contact June 13, 2013 after 4 months NC.  Said, "Can we be Friends."

I only responded as I was seeking closure.  Next email from him "a close friendship can be satisfying.  My response "close friendship impossible due to unresolved issues I do not wish to discuss."  His next:  "O.K.  Don't want to lose contact with you."  Never an apology for hurting me or "I'm sorry" --  Then said he is still seeing woman he cheated on me with, "but that having been said, think of you every day and realize affection I had for you & that I greatly undervalued you."  Asked if I was seeing anyone, when I said yes he responded "This is what I wanted to hear; so very happy for you; you deserve it."  My interpretation:  he does not want to feel guilty, can't be decent enough to apologize, only wants to feel better about himself.  Then I let him have it with how much he hurt me.  He needs to feel good abut self & used to brag was stll in contact with old girlfriend.  Well, not this one!  Have not heard from him since.   (expected.)  If I ever do again, I plan to ignore it.
Logged
babyducks
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2068



« Reply #104 on: July 04, 2013, 07:55:55 AM »



How long ago was the last contact?


6 days ago.



What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK
)?

She arrived at a public event that I always attend and she previously had no interest in.



What did I think the contact was all about?


I believe it was another emotional make me feel better fix.  



How did I handle it?


I acknowledge she was there by greeting her and went on with my evening.  wasn't easy.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

No I wouldn't do anything differently.  I wasn't about to pollute this event, which is very important to me, with drama from her.   It did impact me greatly.   Seeing her was very hard.
Logged

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
Tincup
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 421


« Reply #105 on: May 05, 2014, 11:08:04 AM »

How long ago was the last contact?

-About 2 weeks ago.

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

-An email asking if I was interested in meeting a friend of hers that was interested in meeting me.


What did I think the contact was all about?

-She wanted a reaction out of me.

How did I handle it?

-I maintained NC

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

-I would do the same thing again.  Although I was angry over her email.
Logged
goldylamont
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1083



« Reply #106 on: May 05, 2014, 11:20:09 AM »

How long ago was the last contact?

--about a year ago on the dot


What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

--started with a voicemail. a few texts/facebook messages. we talked on the phone once for 10 min.


What did I think the contact was all about?

--she broke up with her 2nd bf (since our r/s) and wanted to try and reconnect. she had moved in 4 houses away from me after 6 months NC after breaking up with him... . she didn't mention this on the phone i found out a week or so later from neighbors, but maybe she wanted to say something about it.

How did I handle it?

Short friendly phone conversation, then I ignored all subsequent texts.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

No. I'm glad i had that short conversation as it was friendly on both sides. This was in some ways fake of course since I wasn't happy with her at all. But it felt really good to be able to speak with her being mutually respectful, even if only for a few minutes. I needed to do it for me. But once I got this I ignored her dumb ass. I thought she probably only called me anyway because she's in between men to abuse--and found out this was true. She just got worse and worse apparently after we split. Since then she used to play games and park next to me in front of my house, this stopped after several months though. And for the last year we've avoided any contact other than briefly seeing each other from across the street so I'm thankful for that.
Logged
corraline
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 782



« Reply #107 on: May 05, 2014, 11:45:30 AM »

How long ago was the last contact?

About a week ago

What was the contact

Many negative , vicious , angry emails with the messages all in the subject line and sent to both of my email accounts

What did I think the contact was all about?

Not sure, maybe closure for him.  Trying to blame me for the failure of the relationship and how i betrayed the relationship and did not have the capacity to be in a relationship with him because of my fear



How did I handle it?

I did not respond, but it helped me to really see how dysfunctional and distorted his thinking really is


Logged
Conundrum
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 316


« Reply #108 on: May 05, 2014, 01:41:36 PM »

How long ago was the last contact?

This past Friday night

What was the contact?

Around 9:00 p.m. driving back home w my kids in the car, as we approach the house I comment--I wonder whose car that is parked in front? As we got closer my boys and I all exclaim in unison it's insert her name! I told them, I bet she's asleep in her car. Sure enough, I shine a light through the window and she's conked out in the drivers seat with her head resting on a pillow on the passenger's seat--all her earthly belongings piled high inside the car.

What did I think the contact was all about?

Nothing, everything, who knows?

How did I handle it?

Didn't dare wake the sleeping dragon right away--cuz she's become a tweaker and you know how that goes. After a few hours, when the kids are in bed, I knock on her window and wake her up. She's groggy as all. She makes room for me by moving a laundry basket and I enter her domicile, the car. I've learned not to ask any logical questions, such as "why are you here?" Instead I just go w the flow. We briefly chat--it's another drama/fight w the tweaker boyfriend hmmm... . yawn. I'm not too interested and cut it short. I drink a beer in her car. She says, she can't get any money until the morning, has no gas--so she'll have to sleep in front of my house. I tell her, "no way." She asks, "why?"  I say, "it's common sense, I don't want you here, and it would be fu@kin weird." I give her $20 for gas, and send her on her way.

"If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

If my kids weren't w me, there's a chance I might have explored other options--uncertain--otherwise the same. 

Logged
Waifed
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1025



« Reply #109 on: May 05, 2014, 01:41:53 PM »

How long ago was the last contact?

8 Months

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

She sent me an email saying to stop harassing her when I told her she was possibly BPD.  I had not initiated contact with her first in over 2 weeks.  Later that day she went to the police station and had an officer call me and ask me to not contact her friends or her anymore.  I obliged.

What did I think the contact was all about?

I believe that she had lost control and felt threatened by me because I brought up BPD.

How did I handle it?

We were very LC (she texted me and I responded with one or two wordsz) for two weeks after we broke up.  I was cordial but disengaged.  The final contact left me no option but to move on.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

I don't want a do-over.  I wish it had ended differently up until a few months ago but today I don't care.  I was uncharacteristically mean to her the last week of contact.  The bottom line is  that she cheated on me and that is a deal breaker for me, especially the way she did it. She showed her true colors and total lack of character.  After 8 months of clearing my head it is pretty obvious to me that she is not capable of having a lasting relationship with anyone without treating them poorly and/or cheating.  No thanks and no regrets.
Logged
sirius
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 120



« Reply #110 on: May 06, 2014, 04:56:29 AM »

How long ago was the last contact?

2 weeks ago

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

1) She text me first and then called to argue about somethings I said in my earlier text.

2) she called and told my T to inform me not to harass her or she will take action.

The conversation was that she was yelling and verbally abusive... . ie... fxxk you mom and your family and you bastxxd and $#&$#^#%$, so I told her in a calm tone " F U too and the same to you and hung up.

What did I think the contact was all about?

to devalue me further

How did I handle it?

I was calm but disaapointed that she still rages on

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

I shouldnt have answered or replied at all.

Logged
Truth tales

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6



« Reply #111 on: May 06, 2014, 06:49:17 AM »

Interesting... Last contact yesterday and not by choice... My ex BPD bf made out he was helping a friend to move house right around the corner from me... I happened to drive by in that exact moment and waved to say thank you for letting me drive past the removal trailor until i realised it was him... . I had never met the guy he was 'helping' so coincidence ? Doubt it... All a mind ___... Anyway I was soo angry for waving and being friendly without realising it was him... Tried to brush it off but still yelled at the universe for the encounter...
Logged
Split black
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Divorced
Posts: 343



« Reply #112 on: May 06, 2014, 10:02:19 AM »

Please Post and Vote

Contact with the exBPD in or life is often an emotional struggle.

I thought it would be interesting to characterize what we are dealing with and how we are handling it.

Here are the questions:



How long ago was the last contact?

What was the contact
(simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

What did I think the contact was all about?

How did I handle it?

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

Last contact was 5 days ago... . i got two texts one said... . i have a business proposal call me. The next 3 hours later said c'mon call.  These texts came about a week after a vicious smear campaign. Just prior to the smear crap i had broken 2 months of NC ... . she was mean and unrelenting but texted the following day to come meet her and bring her a substance. I met her... . she didnt get what she wanted... . the meeting didt seem soo horrible. I went away for long weekend and returned to on going smear. Which has stopped. I ignored this last attempt at contact. Ive heard nothing since ignoring her insane request for business proposal. I will never see her again. She is dead to me.
Logged
Cardinals in Flight
formerly NurseRatchet
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 652



« Reply #113 on: May 06, 2014, 10:19:34 AM »



How long ago was the last contact?

24 days


What was the contact?

It's on me.  I visited to see if there was anything left to talk about, things had ended abruptly 6 weeks prior because I asked her if she could see that her response to a question could be viewed as being "dissed" from my POV.  Silent treatment until I received payment for a shared object,  final tie to her.  I took this from her as, "this is the absolute end no more friendship etc".


What did I think the contact was all about?

Besides the above, it was me trying to smooth things over again so she would not feel abandoned.


How did I handle it?

I was calm, loving, complimentary and not emotional in the face of her blaming me for every little thing that had happened between us.  Completely twising and rewriting events to base "her" facts for not being able to mend the broken fence,  she was not able to say a single word that would appear as an apology or accepting of any of the missteps that occurred. I owned my part, apologized for my wrongs, said "see ya around" and did not look back.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

No.  I did my best with the knowledge and experience that I had.  I can do no more.

Trying to be strong and move forward, I do miss her very very much.  Not the disrespect or abuse.

CiF
Logged
Lion Fire
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 289


« Reply #114 on: May 06, 2014, 12:29:48 PM »

Please Post and Vote

Contact with the exBPD in or life is often an emotional struggle.

I thought it would be interesting to characterize what we are dealing with and how we are handling it.

Here are the questions:



How long ago was the last contact?

What was the contact
(simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

What did I think the contact was all about?

How did I handle it?

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

-She contacted me on Saturday to ask if I could talk.

-I responded on Sunday and said that I can't. I need time and space to heal

-She said I was selfish and verything was always about me

-She then told me to man up and get my head seen to  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Next time round I won't even respond.

The case is closed aside from a mobile phone contract we have to resolve in late June.


Logged
Emelie Emelie
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 665


« Reply #115 on: May 06, 2014, 01:31:39 PM »

I contacted him last night.  Said I was really struggling with this.  It just happened so fast.  What happened here?  I was asking about pre-break up.  He responded about post-break up when I "told him off".  Shredded me.  Told me what a horrible hurtful person I was.  Said he wants nothing more to do with me ever again.  Wanted no engagement with me.  Asked if that was clear enough for me.
Logged
Banshee
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 210



« Reply #116 on: May 06, 2014, 03:21:00 PM »

Excerpt
How long ago was the last contact?

3 days ago

Excerpt
What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

I text after 10 days of No contact

Excerpt
What did I think the contact was all about?

It was me that contacted him ... I was thinking enough time had passed to speak on an adult level.

Excerpt
How did I handle it?

AWFUL when there was no answer I went back to my old habit of panick texting.I got one reply to my 7-8 texts.Humiliating 

Excerpt
If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

I would stay No Contact Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

... Ive learned 2 things from this ...

1) They are not contacting you for a reason... the time that has  passed and feels ok for YOU to contact doesn't necessarily mean it's enough time for them.

2) If your going no contact stick with it ... I ruined 2 Ten day no contacts like this. There were 2 and 3 days and even a 5 day no contact over the entire 2 1/2 months ... That adds up to no contact for an entire month ... but because I broke it here and there it didn't "feel" that way at all to him or me. So STAY CONSISTENT No contact!

Logged
dontknow2
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 154



« Reply #117 on: May 06, 2014, 06:16:11 PM »

How long ago was the last contact?

yesterday

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

Text asking if he can drive up and take me, the boys out for dinner on my son's birthday this Thursday.

What did I think the contact was all about?

Using a soft spot to rekindle and check my temperature; He might be getting interested in someone else and using me to avoid it as well.

How did I handle it?

Text saying "I don't want you to come here.". Now, I can't stop crying as my heart seems to re-break every time we speak... . I wish it would stop.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

My text response is OK but wish I would have tried NC in the past. I am so tired of the sadness drowning my life.
Logged
Deeno02
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #118 on: April 29, 2015, 01:37:06 PM »

Ive maintained NC except for one time. Unfortunately, I have to see her 2 or 3 times a week because of sports, but I dont say or do a thing. I watch my son play, and I leave. Still kind of rough though... .:'(
Logged
C12P21
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2512



« Reply #119 on: May 05, 2015, 10:40:59 PM »

It's been many years since we have talked. Five years, six months and nine days. I wouldn't have known this had I not received a note stating this information. It was the usual odd note, sent without a signature or return address. Today his cell phone number is on my phone (all of this within 24 hours of the note). I have moved on with my life and no longer visit this wonderful resource BPD family but once I received the note and call without a message I immediately thought of this site. So here I am posting and thinking how tragic and sad the disorder is... .I suffered so much at the ugly end of our relationship. However,with time, therapy and work I moved on into a better place emotionally. Since receiving such weird contact from him it is apparently clear the nature of BPD. He is stuck, somewhere but thankfully, I no longer am.
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 3 [4] 5  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Links and Information
CLINICAL INFORMATION
The Big Picture
5 Dimensions of Personality
BPD? How can I know?
Get Someone into Therapy
Treatment of BPD
Full Clinical Definition
Top 50 Questions

EDITORIAL DEPARTMENTS
My Child has BPD
My Parent/Sibling has BPD
My Significant Other has BPD
Recovering a Breakup
My Failing Romance
Endorsed Books
Archived Articles

RELATIONSHIP TOOLS
How to Stop Reacting
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Values and Boundaries
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools

MESSAGEBOARD GENERAL
Membership Eligibility
Messageboard Guidelines
Directory
Suicidal Ideation
Domestic Violence
ABOUT US
Mission
Policy and Disclaimers
Professional Endorsements
Wikipedia
Facebook

BPDFamily.org

Your Account
Settings

Moderation Appeal
Become a Sponsor
Sponsorship Account


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2019, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!