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Author Topic: Painted white but insanity remains  (Read 8232 times)
Interestedparty
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« Reply #30 on: April 01, 2010, 05:06:40 AM »

... .the staying board is actually a pretty pessimistic, downer board too.  (go figure). 

SMP, you made me  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) when you wrote this. Don't want to offend anyone but I so agree with you! Like you said... .go figure!
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KateCat
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« Reply #31 on: April 01, 2010, 09:33:35 AM »

Beast,

I hope one day you will come closer to seeing that your "ex" was, is, and will continue to be the winner in the contest between the two of you. No one knows better than she does that you are in love with her. I think you are her retirement plan. You know, for that day about five years from now when she grabs her boss's crotch and he looks back at her and sees . . . a woman his mother's age. (Her 50th birthday isn't all that far away, is it?)

Look for her to ridicule any woman who gets close to you. She's not going to let you go easily. What she needs from you is your desire.

Maybe you will progress further in your thinking in the coming years. I still think that what you need most at the moment is a set of written boundaries for yourself. "I will buy her lunch." "I won't work on her immigration matters." "I will oversee her auto repairs." "I won't support her children."
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Beast98
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« Reply #32 on: April 01, 2010, 12:01:42 PM »

Hi Kate. A lot of what you're saying I've already done. I don't mind giving her a little help and guidance, but I've stopped giving her money completely.

IP,

I'm sorry that my posts of course aren't providing you the healing help you seek. But frankly, you're not my responsibility. I'm here working on me. I've tried many different things and most have failed. I have a shrink and a T and both agree that I'm doing quite well. The bottom line is that I'm on this board to get the constant reminder of the evil that lurks within, as her actions hide that more and more. Sometimes NC is in my best interests, sometime it's not. That's my choice for my life.

As for fugly, yes, I'm sure much of my approach is juvenile. So what? I'm a human male caveman. When I look at the two of them as a couple, I hate them equally. When she's hanging out with me and behaving, I see her differently. I never see him differently. If you'd read some of the e-mails that smug SOB has written me you'd understand my distain towards him. F him and the zebra painted Tijuana donkey he rode in on.

So here I am, here I'm staying and everyone has the right to pass my posts by if they don't fall into your prescribed 'leaving board' criteria.  
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Beast98
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« Reply #33 on: April 01, 2010, 12:03:59 PM »

Oh, and Kate... .She'll be 43 in 2 weeks, and the 'game' as I see it in its current state doesn't have a winner or loser. There's nothing more I want that I'm not getting.
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KateCat
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« Reply #34 on: April 01, 2010, 01:09:01 PM »

There's nothing more I want that I'm not getting.

You could have fooled me.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #35 on: April 01, 2010, 01:33:40 PM »

Excerpt
As for fugly, yes, I'm sure much of my approach is juvenile. So what? I'm a human male caveman. When I look at the two of them as a couple, I hate them equally. When she's hanging out with me and behaving, I see her differently. I never see him differently. If you'd read some of the e-mails that smug SOB has written me you'd understand my distain towards him. F him and the zebra painted Tijuana donkey he rode in on.

Her current boyfriend has every right to feel offended by you, since you still cling on to his girlfriend for emotional comfort because you can't get it from yourself. It is not his fault you can't move on.

YOU have some major issues and you are probably not being completely truthful about yourself to the therapist. You expressed yourself here full of anger, recentment, frustration, denial, a need for control, and jealousy. If you have opened up to your therapist the way you have opened up in this board, I doubt they would have failed to address these issues. I highly recommend you get a complete spychological evaluation by a Licensed Spychologist, so that he/she can address your deep rooted issues. Your ex has issues, but you have some major once of your own.

Excerpt
So here I am, here I'm staying and everyone has the right to pass my posts by if they don't fall into your prescribed 'leaving board' criteria.  

You have some major issues that only a licensed professinal can address. By what you wrote, this is definately not the place for you.

By the way 2010  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Interestedparty
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« Reply #36 on: April 01, 2010, 02:09:26 PM »

CC

It is always really great to see posts from you  Smiling (click to insert in post)  Hope your personal inventory went well. Whatever, the case like I said missed you and glad you popped in. You always make a positive impact!

I'm sorry that my posts of course aren't providing you the healing help you seek. But frankly, you're not my responsibility.



But you are here making others, including me, 'responsible' for your healing, right?

Excerpt
I'm here working on me.

Really.

Excerpt
I have a shrink and a T and both agree that I'm doing quite well.

Ok.

Excerpt
When I look at the two of them as a couple, I hate them equally. When she's hanging out with me and behaving, I see her differently. I never see him differently. If you'd read some of the e-mails that smug SOB has written me you'd understand my distain towards him. F him and the zebra painted Tijuana donkey he rode in on.

Yeah, I can see you are doing really well... .Fantastic! Yeah. It shows... .

Excerpt
So here I am, here I'm staying and everyone has the right to pass my posts by if they don't fall into your prescribed 'leaving board' criteria.  

Pass... .

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Beast98
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« Reply #37 on: April 01, 2010, 02:25:06 PM »

Wow, now everyone is a psychiatrist. 

Those of you who think you are the gatekeepers of this board... .Sorry, you're not. I have broken free of the hook of my exBPDgf. I like seeing her from time to time, and if she's nice to me, then I have no problem with it. I'm in control of everything I do. She asks if I can see her. Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no.

It amazes me how much people here think they know about my life and situation based on the scant little I choose to write. But at the same time, you have the right to your opinions, which I respect whether I agree or not. What I'm doing here is working for me! Got that? ME! Isn't that what this is all about? I've made it clear to ex that she cannot move back in to my house and that there will never again be a romantic relationship between us. That's it. Sure, I'll see you if you'd like, but I'm spending no money and you'd better behave yourself.

I'm not going to apologize for not being miserable anymore. I'm not. Those who have diagnosed my issues, well, knock yourselves out. I don't see a sign on the entrance that says 'Miserable, loathing people only can post here'. Or did i miss something?  ?

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Beast98
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« Reply #38 on: April 01, 2010, 02:30:58 PM »

CC

It is always really great to see posts from you  Smiling (click to insert in post)  Hope your personal inventory went well. Whatever, the case like I said missed you and glad you popped in. You always make a positive impact!

I'm sorry that my posts of course aren't providing you the healing help you seek. But frankly, you're not my responsibility.



But you are here making others, including me, 'responsible' for your healing, right? Wrong. Sometimes I vent and sometimes i look for feedback. I am my own responsibility.  

Excerpt
I'm here working on me.

Really. Yes really.

Excerpt
I have a shrink and a T and both agree that I'm doing quite well.

Ok. I'd say it's a relative thing, but if you don't think so, I'll fire them both.

Excerpt
When I look at the two of them as a couple, I hate them equally. When she's hanging out with me and behaving, I see her differently. I never see him differently. If you'd read some of the e-mails that smug SOB has written me you'd understand my distain towards him. F him and the zebra painted Tijuana donkey he rode in on.

Yeah, I can see you are doing really well... .Fantastic! Yeah. It shows... .What, I'm not allowed a little bitterness toward those that wrecked a dream that was very important to me? Ok, let me medicate myself into an unfeeling Zombie.

Excerpt
So here I am, here I'm staying and everyone has the right to pass my posts by if they don't fall into your prescribed 'leaving board' criteria. 

Pass... .Bye Bye!

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Interestedparty
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« Reply #39 on: April 01, 2010, 02:42:37 PM »

 Smiling (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .
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Beast98
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« Reply #40 on: April 01, 2010, 02:45:10 PM »

That's more like it.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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KateCat
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« Reply #41 on: April 01, 2010, 02:53:35 PM »

I do think you've made progress from the shattered position you were in a year-and-a-half ago. You have made and are apparently successfully enforcing boundaries. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)  Let me ask you a little bit more about the following, though:

I'm in control of everything I do.

Not long ago you were drinking pretty heavily. Has this changed?

(And, dang, Beast, you are far too quotable for your own good! Don't make me bring up some of your really juicy posts from the past  ;p .)
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Beast98
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« Reply #42 on: April 01, 2010, 03:01:35 PM »

Hell Kate, I read some of that old stuff just for entertainment value.

To answer, I've substantially cut down on drinking. Now it's when I'm having a good time with others, not drowning my sorrows alone.   
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goldenblunder
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« Reply #43 on: April 01, 2010, 03:14:35 PM »

I LOVE the fact that she's surely making fugly miserable.

I can relate with this.

Excerpt
What, I'm not allowed a little bitterness toward those that wrecked a dream that was very important to me?

Yes, you are.  And so am I.  :)irtbags like your fugly and my wife's jackass are scum.  I was good to jackass, and he stole my wife.  Nevermind it was probably for the best.  He still is a coward and showed open disrespect for me.

Excerpt
And of course, I feel like every moment I'm with her, I'm exacting revenge on fugly.

Yep.  I do need a more creative name for the guy, though.  Usually I just call him jackass.

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Manon46
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« Reply #44 on: April 01, 2010, 03:40:31 PM »

Beast, i can imagine that you still like and love the company from your ex g/f and that you are having huge feelings of revenge at fugly?

And also to jackass... .

But they didn't steel your wife, she made the choise to leave you for another person.

Beast as i am reading your posts it seems to me that you are using her for your own good...

That is not respectfull to any kind of human being... .using other people for your own benefit is the same what they are doing... .and what you have paid for...

I am sure that you can do better than that... .bitterness only leaves you bitter,angry,resentfull,and hurt you even more in the long run... .

What comes around goes around... .karmic law... x
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goldenblunder
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« Reply #45 on: April 01, 2010, 03:52:56 PM »

But they didn't steel your wife, she made the choise to leave you for another person.

Well, it's both really.  I mean with mine, she chose to go, sure.  But jackass's actions and intentions were not honorable.  Hell, he probably did me a big favor without knowing it.  But that doesn't change the fact that his actions were contemptible.
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Manon46
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« Reply #46 on: April 01, 2010, 03:59:48 PM »

But they didn't steel your wife, she made the choise to leave you for another person.

Well, it's both really.  I mean with mine, she chose to go, sure.  But jackass's actions and intentions were not honorable.  Hell, he probably did me a big favor without knowing it.  But that doesn't change the fact that his actions were contemptible.

Absolutely... .now he has to pay for that... doesn't he ?
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turtlesoup
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« Reply #47 on: April 01, 2010, 04:05:00 PM »

I do find it interesting the way the guys are blaming the guys and I also think this is kinda out issue at times too, seeing these women as what "helpless", like the guy should have some responsibility here. The only one who is responsible when a wife or gf cheats with another bloke is the wife or gf, I have no trouble in making that distinction and just feel plain sorry for anyone involved with her over a longer time frame.

You guys know just how seductive (if she was like mine) these women are, they belittle or ignore totally the role of the current partner, to think that smokey or fugly or jackass are really worthy of hate here... .i don't agree. I can see why, I sympathise, you reckon you are a stand up guy and wouldn't get involved with a woman with a bf or husband?

Mine would spin the hugest lies and stories, that the ex's were abusive, rapists, you name it, maybe these guys did but up some kind of a fight, maybe they never knew, the only point is anger at them is misdirected anger, these women are manipulative (oh no no its BPD) and deliberately playing people off against one another. Don't hate the guys man, you dont know what she has been saying to them.
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Beast98
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« Reply #48 on: April 01, 2010, 04:08:04 PM »

But they didn't steel your wife, she made the choise to leave you for another person.

He was the enabler, pursuing another man's woman for a year and a half (I've read his old e-mails to her) and letting her know that his home is open to her any time. When I left town for my daughter's surgery and ex was wallowing in abandonment issues, he was an easy choice. Had he not been in the picture, she would probably have been there when I returned. And to have come back to me after packing and leaving would have made what she did wrong, which cant happen.

Am I using her? I'm not sure. Am I using other women I date that I'm fairly certain there's not a long term future with? When she and I are together, our respective bitterness is kept at bay. We are both using each other to provide th part of each other that we like. I could get her back. I know this. I've done it a dozen times. I know the formula. It's a tedious and painful process and I'll never do it again. I can't say I've gotten a silk hat out of a sow's ear, but it's better than nothing.
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goldenblunder
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« Reply #49 on: April 01, 2010, 04:19:34 PM »

Don't hate the guys man, you dont know what she has been saying to them.

I understand what you are saying.  Frankly, I am not sure what the status of the relationship with her ex when I first got involved.  For all I know, they weren't broken up.  But I knew they weren't married.  I knew they weren't living together.  I never once saw them together.  I was operating in good faith.

But the distinction in my case is that this guy knew me, he stayed at my house.  I have fed him.  He knew we were married, but was covertly texting her and emailing her and actively pursuing her.  Sure, I don't doubt she was leading him on, but come on man, he was at our place.  He saw that we were "together" as little as one week before she was over at his place.  The guy is scum and to the extent that I can get revenge upon him, I will.
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Manon46
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« Reply #50 on: April 01, 2010, 04:35:33 PM »

Revenge is only sweet for a very short time... .i can relate to that feeling... .there were times i was obsessed with getting even with her... .it would have done me no good... .she knew he was married... she should have stayed away... .but now she pays the price... and that is the best revenge... she wanted it... .well now she's got it... .and she deserves it... .

We all get what we deserve, and i can imagine how you feel about this guy taking advantage of your kindness and hospitality... .fact is there are people who don't have high moral standards,like we do... but there lies the problem... we project OUR feelings to others,because we are kind,and willing to help,and maybe too kind... .protect thouselves... .what you wish upon another will come back to you... .

Beast if your idea of life is living day by day and go for the good stuff than you have every right to do so... .i think a loving equal relation is the whole person... if someone picks me i would want him around when i am happy but also when i am sad for what reason so ever... .but tht for every person different... .just be carefull... i think you deserve better x
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turtlesoup
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« Reply #51 on: April 01, 2010, 04:36:37 PM »

Don't hate the guys man, you dont know what she has been saying to them.

I understand what you are saying.  Frankly, I am not sure what the status of the relationship with her ex when I first got involved.  For all I know, they weren't broken up.  But I knew they weren't married.  I knew they weren't living together.  I never once saw them together.  I was operating in good faith.

But the distinction in my case is that this guy knew me, he stayed at my house.  I have fed him.  He knew we were married, but was covertly texting her and emailing her and actively pursuing her.  Sure, I don't doubt she was leading him on, but come on man, he was at our place.  He saw that we were "together" as little as one week before she was over at his place.  The guy is scum and to the extent that I can get revenge upon him, I will.

Ok fair enough, you are entitled to your feelings, and I know if that were me, yes I would be mighty peeved, I do understand, but as a guy who has seen her exBPD with someone else in the early rounds (although I didn't eat at his table) she was playing us off against one another and telling me he was the pits.

I do understand I deffo do, and how you handle your feelings is your biz, its just that I've seen it in action and I know she manipulated all of us to one degree or another, with sex, with lies, with "you're the white knight". Im just saying, the blame is the BPDers and you can waste your energies hating a person who was maybe being fed a pack of lies about you. But, but, I can totally understand why this hurts, i'd feel the same.
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Beast98
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« Reply #52 on: April 01, 2010, 05:07:41 PM »

Manon, I want more than anything to find a partner in life. She's been 'gone' for over a year and a half and believe me I've been trying. She just got a job that is classifed as 'temp to hire'... .She works for a temp agency for 90 days and then if the company likes her she gets hired on permanent.

That's where I am. I'm going through a series of 'temp to hire' women. I really want a keeper. My kids are both gone now, I have my own house and lots to offer. I just need to replace exBPDgf, who replaced exw. Exgf has not been a factor. She doesn't show up, harrass me, nothing like that. Someday, I'll tell her that I've met someone that I'm getting serious with and she'll have to go away. I just haven't met that one yet.
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Beast98
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« Reply #53 on: April 01, 2010, 05:16:33 PM »

And TS... .I get my revenge everyday she's there and doesn't have my place as an escape route. I told her straight out the night she reconnected with me... ."Half the reason I let you stay at my house was because you needed help. The other was to f fugly over. But after you left it became clear that the best way to do that is to let him have you.

We were discussing love, finding love, etc. the other night. When she was at my house and it became clear to her that I was physically involved with someone else she sent me a text (twice) that said sexuality can't cure lonliness. I responded that it seemed to work just fine for her and some aren't lucky enough to find a new love in the blink of an eye. She said that sometimes an unzipped person can connect with a torn person. I think the translation from BPDeze is that since she knows she'll make every man she's with miserable, she may as well be with someone who's miserable already. If you knew the whole story, it would make a world of sense.
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turtlesoup
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« Reply #54 on: April 01, 2010, 05:22:56 PM »

And TS... .I get my revenge everyday she's there and doesn't have my place as an escape route. I told her straight out the night she reconnected with me... ."Half the reason I let you stay at my house was because you needed help. The other was to f fugly over. But after you left it became clear that the best way to do that is to let him have you.

We were discussing love, finding love, etc. the other night. When she was at my house and it became clear to her that I was physically involved with someone else she sent me a text (twice) that said sexuality can't cure lonliness. I responded that it seemed to work just fine for her and some aren't lucky enough to find a new love in the blink of an eye. She said that sometimes an unzipped person can connect with a torn person. I think the translation from BPDeze is that since she knows she'll make every man she's with miserable, she may as well be with someone who's miserable already. If you knew the whole story, it would make a world of sense.

Ok Beast, Im fortunate in that I didnt have to deal with knowing really where my exBPD was going for her jollies. I knew she was always trying to get back in touch with exs but they were all NC on her. Also she is fairly unhinged generally, so badly that no one is giving her the time of day atm or if they are she is unravelling so fast they aren't sticking around (im talking speaking to random objects for hours, off the planet, she has just deteriorated before my eyes).

I can understand your desire to get a kind of revenge on him. I spent the entire relationship hating an ex of my exBPD because she would slag him off and then she would write him love letters, it drove me nuts. However, since going on holiday with her, seeing her in full operation, the violence etc, anyone is welcome to that if they can stand it, my jealousy is 0.
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Beast98
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« Reply #55 on: April 01, 2010, 05:37:44 PM »

One key point I left out... .

She said that love isn't for everyone and sometimes an unzipped person can connect with a torn person. I think the translation from BPDeze is that since she knows she'll make every man she's with miserable, she may as well be with someone who's miserable already. If you knew the whole story, it would make a world of sense.

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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #56 on: April 01, 2010, 06:04:45 PM »

Excerpt
let him have you.

He already has her.

Excerpt
She said that sometimes an unzipped person can connect with a torn person. I think the translation from BPDeze is that since she knows she'll make every man she's with miserable, she may as well be with someone who's miserable already.

Is this why she was attracted to you? Because you were already a miserable man. If you were miserable, is that the reason why you had to drink?

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Beast98
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« Reply #57 on: April 01, 2010, 06:56:06 PM »

Excerpt
let him have you.

He already has her. Like I said. I know how to get her back, if I wanted to. She's jumped back and forth between us several times and the only way to stop the cycle is when one of us won't take her back.

Excerpt
She said that sometimes an unzipped person can connect with a torn person. I think the translation from BPDeze is that since she knows she'll make every man she's with miserable, she may as well be with someone who's miserable already.

Is this why she was attracted to you? Because you were already a miserable man. If you were miserable, is that the reason why you had to drink? Actually no, just the opposite. (these are educated opinions of course) I stimulated a lot within her, including her insecurities. She thought that every woman in the world wanted me, and that I was destined to leave her at any moment for someone better. So, in true borderline fashion, she always had a back-up, waiting in the wings. In him she found the opposite of me... .A much older man with no friends, never been married, no kids, few relatives (that don't like him either), no looks and no charm. A safety net. Her delusioned mind convinced her that I was only at the Mayo clinic to boink my exw, and my dying daughter was secondary... .Merely a convenient excuse. Even though my exw lived 3 blocks away from me.

As for the drinking, I've been a partier since a young age. But after she left me, after all our plans were set, I was devastated. But worse, she convinced me for months that we weren't broken up and that she would come home when we worked out our issues. He was simply a nice guy that gave her refuge when she convinced him she needed it. She did come back at some point (I was elated) and 8 days later left me for him in front of him. Shortly after I found out she was 'with' him the whole time. It was the lowest point of my life and for the next few months my social drinking became very unsociable. Had I not had the responsibilities I do, I would have checked myself in to a mental facility.

Hope that answers your condescending questions, saint that I'm sure you are.
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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #58 on: April 01, 2010, 09:07:47 PM »

Excerpt
Hope that answers your condescending questions, saint that I'm sure you are.

My nickname is Mother Theresa  Smiling (click to insert in post).

I'm sorry you felt the questions were condescending. I'm asking questions from what you wrote on your posts. You stated that she told you she is attracted to 'torned' or 'unzipped' individuals. I assume that if she is attracted to these type of men and was attracted to you, that maybe there is something in you that she saw 'torned' or 'unzipped'.

Excerpt
Like I said. I know how to get her back, if I wanted to. She's jumped back and forth between us several times and the only way to stop the cycle is when one of us won't take her back.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but you don't have someone who jumps back and forth between guys. This time is this guy, then it would have been another. She will always try to find in someone else what she can't get from herself or from you. Unfortunately the cycle still continues and she still goes back and forth between both of you.

Excerpt
I stimulated a lot within her, including her insecurities. She thought that every woman in the world wanted me, and that I was destined to leave her at any moment for someone better.

It's not that you stimulated these insecurities, this type insecurity is always present in a pwBPD no matter who they are with. You could be a Brad Pitt or a Danny DeVito, she will feel the same insecurities.

Excerpt
So, in true borderline fashion, she always had a back-up, waiting in the wings. In him she found the opposite of me... .A much older man with no friends, never been married, no kids, few relatives (that don't like him either), no looks and no charm.

It's not that she is finding your opposite, she is just finding anyone. This time she found someone not that charming, next she will, then she will again, then she won't, then she will, then she won't, then she won't, then she will. You see the patern? None of her actions have anything to do with the person she finds. The person is just a replacement, nothing special unfortunately.

Excerpt
Her delusioned mind convinced her that I was only at the Mayo clinic to boink my exw, and my dying daughter was secondary... .Merely a convenient excuse. Even though my exw lived 3 blocks away from me.

Again, it has nothing to do with you. They are just fears that emerge out of nowhere because she's mentally unstable. You could of been at a Vet's office with your dog and she would have said you're boiking the Vet. You see what I mean? You still believe her actions have something to do with you. But they are not. She is mentally unstable, nothing she does has anything to do with real emotions towards someone. She is just full of fear that has been there since way before you got there. You are just the new outlet.

Excerpt
It was the lowest point of my life and for the next few months my social drinking became very unsociable. Had I not had the responsibilities I do, I would have checked myself in to a mental facility.

It's great that you have the drinking out of cotrol. You are going through enough alrady.
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Interestedparty
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Posts: 237


« Reply #59 on: April 02, 2010, 06:14:36 AM »

Beast, i can imagine that you still like and love the company from your ex g/f and that you are having huge feelings of revenge at fugly?

And also to jackass... .

But they didn't steel your wife, she made the choise to leave you for another person.

Beast as i am reading your posts it seems to me that you are using her for your own good...

That is not respectfull to any kind of human being... .using other people for your own benefit is the same what they are doing... .and what you have paid for...

I am sure that you can do better than that... .bitterness only leaves you bitter,angry,resentfull,and hurt you even more in the long run... .

Well said Manon... .

Excerpt
What comes around goes around... .karmic law... x

That Karmic law never fails.

We have a saying in our culture, 'If you don't hear... .you must feel'.



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