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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: We're meeting up Thursday  (Read 2146 times)
Valentine09
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« Reply #60 on: October 19, 2010, 04:01:27 PM »

Ummm, no offense, but didn't you read all the posts here?   I met with her the other night and she was clearly lying to me, laying on heavy guilt trips and being defensive, when the point of us meeting up was for her to begin to earn back my trust because she was pleading with me to give her another chance and she wanted to get married (with the understanding that there was no pressure to start anything that night).  I had written her an e-mail two months prior that if she was conducting any form of contact with any of her exes, because she was triangulating (read definition) with them before, that I wanted nothing to do with her.  And I had asked her how she was going to prove to me that she was no longer carrying on relationships behind my back.  She told me she'd give me access to all her info and let me talk to her T to prove she was going.

The deal was that she go to therapy and not contact me for 6 months (starting in June)  and then we'd reassess the situation.  However she kept texting me during that time claiming to have changed already... .which I didn't believe, but I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt and hearing what she had to say... .which was a bunch of confabulated rubbish.  Since she turned around and said I couldn't talk to her T after she said I could, I asked to see her phone and at first she refused.  So much for allowing me access to her info.  She did let me see her contacts list and her exbf, who she had cheated on her ex-husband and ended her marriage for was still in her contacts list.  That broke my boundary of her not having any contact with her exes, because she said she wasn't talking to him, when she has been talking to him.  It wasn't speculation, she told me she had been using him for help with resumes and stuff.  Well, that doesn't fly with me... .and their relationship had ended 2 years ago right before we met.  She has no business still talking to someone she committed adultery with while claiming she's a changed woman of God.  Sorry, the two just don't mix.  Plus, she was telling me how much her sister hated me for setting up the 6 month/therapy boundary... .when I set that boundary up WITH her sister.  I told her sister my terms and she was fine with it at the time.  Her sister even told me not to get involved again with my exgf back in April because she was unstable.  She told me she'd eventually get bored and leave me.  I had about 5 obvious lies thrown at me in one evening, the one chance she had to try to make things right with me.  I'm not going back to that.  No more chances.
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TonyC
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« Reply #61 on: October 19, 2010, 04:11:08 PM »

well like i always say ... you need to be sure before you call it over... .

valentine... its time to work on yourself... and put your wheels back on after. all this...

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Valentine09
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« Reply #62 on: October 19, 2010, 04:14:30 PM »

well like i always say ... you need to be sure before you call it over... .

valentine... its time to work on yourself... and put your wheels back on after. all this...

Yes, I've been reevaluating what has gotten out of balance in my life a lot and have a plan to go forward and work on those things.  I'm not stepping back into a relationship until I'm content with everything else. 
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TonyC
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« Reply #63 on: October 19, 2010, 04:18:20 PM »

youve got to put all the pieces of you... .back together... your like a debris field... .i know i was... and figure out your part in the dance... .and be vigilant in the future...



and you could help others... that want another good look around here... .
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Valentine09
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« Reply #64 on: October 19, 2010, 04:36:18 PM »

Yes, I do feel like I have been dismantled and it's time to repair.  Obviously change is possible for some, and my exgf might change... .in another 25 years.  Can't wait that long though, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  I kept going back, because she was the most beautiful charming girl I've ever spent any time with.  I lost my job literally the day after our first date... .so she seemed for a short time to be the only thing great happening in my life.  I was out of work for a year and a half so that didn't help and I was very vulnerable the whole time, looking back.   I should've said goodbye and not looked back in March '09 the first time she chose someone else over me.  I didn't know better... .I really hadn't had that much dating experience before her.  She kept throwing my lack of experience in my face as a way to justify her behavior, calling it normal when it wasn't.  I had only one other relationship before her.  She was even talking about my lack of experience the other night... .when I've gone out with about 8 girls this year.  I think I know better what's acceptable and what's not now.  Each time I gave her another chance it got progressively worse and I was hooked just a little bit more.  It's been good for me not seeing her all this year.  When I saw her the other night, she was still beautiful, she had lost weight, but I already knew that I didn't want to get sidetracked by that like I had in the past.  
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