Why do BPDs have to "distort" your character b/f ending a relationship with you?

[cretehead]

Very interesting Dr Phil,and it fits right into my own behavioral health issues. I checked myself into rehab after the first time she came back, only to leave me in a very short time. It was as much pain as I could handle, after being involved with such a up and down relatonship. So while my addiction was presciption drugs, she was very much a addiction in itself ,and my hope was by gettting clean, I would be able to think more clearly with regard to her, and after a short time being out, I sent her a brief message, telling her where I had been and making amends with people I hurt in my life. Truly she was not someone in my life I really needed to do that with, and it brought her back to me for another 7 months of painful BPD involvment. My point I suppose is I was/am addicted to her, and fight the daily battle.

[growing_in_grace]

My point I suppose is I was/am addicted to her, and fight the daily battle.

Can I ever identify with this. The last time I let my UBPDex back into my life (a reunion which lasted all of a week during this month) I told her that my relationship with her was as much of an addiction as if I were using drugs. Of course she was offended. But it's the truth. I am in recovery and currently I work in a residential treatment program for drug and alcohol rehabilitation. As I have watched myself going down the tubes, I realize that total abstinence is the only thing that will help me turn my life around. I also have recently started thinking along the lines of a helpful AA slogan, "People, places, and things." I need to maintain NC and to do so I need to totally agree that she is the People, where we went are the places, and the things are too numerous to mention here.  I wish you well on your journey and encourage you to seek treatment again either in a rehab or as an outpatient. The drugs do truly cloud our thinking and leave us too weak to make the hard choices we need to make and to keep strong in the face of the s that surely will drag us back into our "people" addiction.

[fogbound]

Mine claimed I needed anger management. Go Figure, after losing my home, retirement, friends, my own kids were evicted from our home, constant demads for money during the recession, constant battles over my cheating (imagined) etc etc etc.  Did I lose my temper? You bet I did. Only someone with zero brainwaves wouldn't.

[BillP]

After the ex threw me out of her house, I was concerned about meeting ppl the ex knows, and how they would perceive me. Now, I don't give a damn what they think. This is my life, and I'll come and go as I please, and if anyone has a problem with that, step to me so we can discuss it.

The ex can trash talk all she wants about me. It's projection on her part for all of the insecurities and issues she posesses.  I know that I deserve better than her, and I will accept nothing less. None of us should.  I take a certain pride now in knowing that I'm a survivor of this traumatic experience. We all should be proud. We're still alive, and are able to use these forums to help and heal each other.

Let them distort all they want, we all know one thing. The ex's can never confront us on any of these issues. The truth, sometimes, can be extremely powerful.

[Mystic]

After the ex threw me out of her house, I was concerned about meeting ppl the ex knows, and how they would perceive me. Now, I don't give a damn what they think. This is my life, and I'll come and go as I please, and if anyone has a problem with that, step to me so we can discuss it.

The ex can trash talk all she wants about me. It's projection on her part for all of the insecurities and issues she posesses.  I know that I deserve better than her, and I will accept nothing less. None of us should.  I take a certain pride now in knowing that I'm a survivor of this traumatic experience. We all should be proud. We're still alive, and are able to use these forums to help and heal each other.

Let them distort all they want, we all know one thing. The ex's can never confront us on any of these issues. The truth, sometimes, can be extremely powerful.

'

Amen, brother!  Ditto that!

[Jgravitt]

Fogbound i know exactly what you mean... .lost my house and boat b/c of her poor decisions. She has her house and "cush job!" She sits on the couch and works from home from a computer while at the same time causes people probs. She makes 50k per year. I bet her boss would love to know what she does when she should be working.

These people are truly like "demons!" I feel as if I am constantly battling for my soul. She was out of my life for 2 1/2 months incl time she had an RO vs me. She resurfaced for what appeared to be legitimate reasons. Then declared she didn't need me to help resolve "a few lingering issues." She then sent me msgs multiple times on two different occasions after that. Her reason for coming back around the way she did was to "finish me off!" She didn't get my soul the first time around so she "circled back!" It is a constant battle but she wont win! Now I have an RO vs her... .

Keep fighting!

[cretehead]

Thanks g_in_g, I have been NC well over a year and havent seen her in more than 2, but like any addiction I still fight it, and I dont come to the site as often as i use to, but I do when I feel a bit weak, and caught this post reguarding distorting character,so I chimmed in, stating how she would say to me, why is it always about you. Which was totally not the case, but we all no how BPDs twist things. Anyway I am also fighting the good fight, and have my struggles there as well, but since I quite drinking, there are no more drunk texts or late night calls to her,nor those mornings waking up, and thinking to myself, what did i do last night, by contacting her but she truly is/was a drug to me, in fact one of my T's told me to list her name as vicodin in my phone  Again thanks, I am hanging in there.