What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]

[RomanticFool]

I've learnt when you point the finger at somebody there are three pointing back at you! In my situation I was subjected to mainly ST and a lack of commitment. Since we are both married it was a difficult situation and I did not handle it well. Since I have read more about BPD I would say that she has BPD traits rather than fully fledged. I have learnt firstly not to get involved with another person with these traits, secondly perhaps to be a little more empathic to the emotional dysfunction that goes on with a BPD and thirdly to protect myself by keeping my boundaries up until I know if a person is able to meet me on an emotional level.

[troisette]

I learned:

To value my resilience.

That I was attracted to men who denigrate me. I learned why this was a repeating compulsion.

I learned that I was attracted to ex because of the repetitive compulsion. That we were not in love with each other: that we were locked in a mutually unhealthy addiction for power and control.

I learned that the things that attracted me to ex, and other PDs, were rooted in childhood experiences, FOO attitudes that I had adopted as normal.

I learned to set boundaries: that I cannot heal others' wounds, that my primary responsibility is to myself.

I learned self worth.

I learned to quickly see red flags.

I learned that although my experience with ex was incredibly painful, it provided the means to greater self-understanding. And, despite the misery, that made it worthwhile.

[JaxDK]

If things look too good to be true, they usually are

[spacecadet]

The great extent to which we view one another through the lens of how WE are. Non's do it, BPs do it. It's the source of so much misunderstanding. I want to become more transparent with myself, and a by-product of that is the ability to see others more acutely for who they really are, not who I want them to be or think they are using myself as the reference point. That's what I've always wanted really.

[Harley Quinn]

I've learned that in my darkest hour lies the opportunity to shine my brightest

Not everyone wants to be helped, and that's OK

There's a difference between giving up and saying enough is enough

I've learned to love myself, and that I am enough

Sometimes moving forwards in life means going right back to the beginning and starting over

I may not be proud of everything in my past but I can choose to be proud of what I do with my future

I'm worth the effort I have invested in others and deserving of having my own needs met

The power of validation for myself, others and in particular my son, which is a priceless lesson to have learned

I'm absolutely pants at upholding boundaries and this is something I must work on daily

That my silver lining outlook on life is what makes me strong, not weak or crazy and that the only opinion of me that matters is my own

That everything I have experienced, endured, learned and gained in my life to date has given me the tools and ability to handle what I must now face - the journey that lies ahead

[caughtnreleased]

I've learned that I am much stronger and powerful than I ever imagined I was.
That all those clichés of reaping what you sow, and loving yourself, are actually kind of true,
That the world is filled with illusions and magicians so you need to trust your gut,
That the most effective way to bring about change is to change yourself,
That it's hard to see the big picture, but the more you pay attention the more you'll see,
That pain has a purpose,
That social media set me back more times than I can count,
That I decide how people treat me,
That I still have work to do.

[Panda39]

There's a difference between giving up and saying enough is enough

Love This!

Panda39

[Harley Quinn]

Missed (quite a big) one!

I have learned that I have PD traits, and although I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria, I did when I was younger.  That's probably worth remembering as a notable learning!

Love and light x

[Brokenmind]

I’ve learned or learning the following (sorry I’ve only just started the healing process)

1) It’s not my fault

2) what toxic behaviour is (it was disguised by my childhood as love)

3) I have codependency issues (yaay)

4) it’s not my fault

I know I repeated 1 and 4, but I only got discarded 5 weeks ago after 12 years so I hope in time I can add to the list. Now going to read everyone else’s to see what’s possible.

(Yes I’m in that after crying for ages delirium mode where I’m trying to force humour - sorry everyone!