If they are struggling with his behaviour it's up to them to tell him he can't stay at their house anymore, surely?
Well, of course. But with Borderline,
it's not whether you win or lose but how you play the blame. Hopefully this will take some of the sting off when you recognize that even his own family wants him out of the house. I know you wanted them to be your family. I know you wanted them to treat you with respect. But these are not reasonable people and they've now showing you how your Husband was raised. His Mother has chosen a way to cope that denies any responsibility for her Son, while casting the blame onto you. Blaming it on you though, should be fairly transparent. (No one deserves to be strangled.) You'll probably feel pressured to clear your name from the smear campaign- but the best way is not to respond to any false accusations. The validation that you seek from them is never going to be forthcoming, so try to block any further rage communication from your MIL. She's now lost the right to talk to you because of her poor behavior.
Casting off blame has been a defense mechanism for this family- and with you out of the picture- she's now trying to control her Son and he's now trying to blame you. He wants out because his family home is not a very nice place. Why not let them stew a bit in their own family discord? This isn't your responsibility to make amends for him and his behavior. Let his Mother deal with him. Let him deal with his Mother. This family may have had problems long before you entered the marital contract- you are a convenient scapegoat for their blame unless you remove yourself from their sounding board. Put up a Wall. Expect them to infiltrate in subtle ways. This is about perception and control. If they can scapegoat, you are more likely to be hurt.
Block his number from your Mother's phone. From now on, let the lawyers speak for you.
