Who is also missing their Ex BPD?

[BrokenBeat&Scarred]

Thanks THE smaher,

Thank's for bein there the past day or so... it truly meant alot!

Thanks to everybody that has anything to do with this forum. It is a god send.  I know the roller coaster's not over but I just have to keep this positive way of thinking in the forefront...

I was exposed to triggers all day and felt myself going there, and did my best to redirect my attention, and holy crap does that work! you feel the thoughts creeping up a little more so you find something a little more involved to do... If you can't make what you're doing a little more involved... .Exactly like what you tell kids affraid of the monster in the closet... .If you don't believe in the monster, they have no power over you!

Now is the time where I make myself or break myself!

I am definitely donating to this site.

[thesmasher]

great job bud! Truly am proud of ya... .you gotta take pride in YOU... .ok? Even if tomorrow does not seem as bright when you wake up then grab a flashlight LMAO... .you can do it, its hard but it can be done! KEEP ME POSTED ON HOW YOU ARE DOING... .DO NOT BE A STRANGER ...

The smasher

[Turmoil101]

I know this hasn't been commented on in a while... .  but I am 9 weeks out of my home with NC except for one phone call where my ex threatened to destroy my career. So, why do I miss my crazy soon to be ex wife? I don't know. I feel like I failed her, but I know there was nothing I could do for her and the BPD that she has. I can't even mention it to her as she'll use that as some kind of "disability" to screw me over in the divorce and alimony payments.

I am in my late 40s and have met a girl in her late 20s who treats me great. I know I should feel lucky to have a girlfriend in her 20s, attractive, educated, sweet at my age, but I still miss my crazy wife. She's the one I wanted. She's the one I can't have. I'm so damn sad over this.

[HarmKrakow]

I know this hasn't been commented on in a while... .  but I am 9 weeks out of my home with NC except for one phone call where my ex threatened to destroy my career. So, why do I miss my crazy soon to be ex wife? I don't know. I feel like I failed her, but I know there was nothing I could do for her and the BPD that she has. I can't even mention it to her as she'll use that as some kind of "disability" to screw me over in the divorce and alimony payments.

I am in my late 40s and have met a girl in her late 20s who treats me great. I know I should feel lucky to have a girlfriend in her 20s, attractive, educated, sweet at my age, but I still miss my crazy wife. She's the one I wanted. She's the one I can't have. I'm so damn sad over this.

I doubt you miss your wife, I think you miss you the portrayal of a person she wanted you to see. That person, was fake, non existent. Thats what we unfortunately learn :' (

[cookiecrumbled]

Jay -

Thank you for posting this.  I miss him every hour of every day.  I doubt I go longer than 20 minutes without thinking of him or wondering where he is or what he is doing.  All of you who get contacted by your pwBPD - I am a little jealous b/c mine dropped me like a bad habit.  He returned once, for one evening (no sex, just kissing and crying and professions of remorsefulness) - but the next day he was gone again, never to be seen again. 

I will never understand why this happened.  I will never trust another person again because I am an excellent judge of character and I never saw it coming in 18 months together.  I handled the entire relationship prudently, took it slowly, delayed introducing him to the children for 6 months, made certain he was from a nice family, etc., etc.  And yet he still turned out to be a nutcake who cut my heart up like it was a sport.

What do I do when I am overcome with missing him?  Cry.  Now, I come to this board and read the recycling stories.  And I text my friends.  Or I turn on a movie or read a book.  I try to keep breathing b/c they say it takes time and if I keep breathing, then time is passing and I will be closer to that time when I will no longer feel like someone just punched me in the gut.

Cookie  :'(

[HarmKrakow]

Jay -

Thank you for posting this.  I miss him every hour of every day.  I doubt I go longer than 20 minutes without thinking of him or wondering where he is or what he is doing.  All of you who get contacted by your pwBPD - I am a little jealous b/c mine dropped me like a bad habit.  He returned once, for one evening (no sex, just kissing and crying and professions of remorsefulness) - but the next day he was gone again, never to be seen again. 

I will never understand why this happened.  I will never trust another person again because I am an excellent judge of character and I never saw it coming in 18 months together.  I handled the entire relationship prudently, took it slowly, delayed introducing him to the children for 6 months, made certain he was from a nice family, etc., etc.  And yet he still turned out to be a nutcake who cut my heart up like it was a sport.

What do I do when I am overcome with missing him?  Cry.  Now, I come to this board and read the recycling stories.  And I text my friends.  Or I turn on a movie or read a book.  I try to keep breathing b/c they say it takes time and if I keep breathing, then time is passing and I will be closer to that time when I will no longer feel like someone just punched me in the gut.

Cookie  :'(

You are not alone. You will trust people again because this board gives you the signals and red flags for 'another time'.   I know what you are going through as do many others here.

[dancinginthelight]

Missing him.  Wanting him to love and care like he used to.

Knowing he is giving himself to another makes me jealous and sad.

It has been nearly a year since I last saw him.

I think I drove him away. I had too many worries. Perhaps he finally saw

what a poor excuse of a woman and a mother I am.

Bet he is so glad he got away from me and all my problems.

Dont know if he has a PD.  More like its me who has.

[babyducks]

I am.  Horribly.   I am the one who broke us up because I couldn't take it anymore and yet I miss her so badly I can't stand it.   

I keep telling myself to leave her alone,  that we are no good for each other, especially in the condition we are both in now. 

But G-d I would do anything to see a text pop in from her.

[Confusedandhurt]

I miss my ex a lot.  It's been 6 long months, but feels like last week.  What makes it worse is that she still contacts me.  Based on the advice from this awesome group, I'm going to maintain strict NC going forward in hopes that it will discourage her.

Maybe a better question might be who doesn't miss their ex BPD?  Another website had an excellent perspective:  when we lose our BPD, we don't just lose that person, we lose ourselves as well.  For nearly all of us, we poured everything we had in to the relationship.  We put their needs above our own.  Over time for me, I simply didn't care what the impact was to me as long as she was happy.  Then she let me know in a text message that she decided to move on.  No meeting, no phone call, no email.  And it's still hard for me to remember the awful times.  The splitting, raging, accusations, and silence.  Hang in there thesmasher, you have friends here who know how you feel and who care.  I am certainly in that list!

Stay strong!