how do they say goodbye so easily

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

  He wrote to me that he doesnt want a personal goodbye

Same here w' me.  My T today tells me that chances are that he just doesn't want to hear or see me for fear that he'll change his mind.  My T tells me that from the emails he sent me, he can clearly see that my ex is saying that he is not good for me & that he is afraid of being in this relationship.  I understand now a bit better.  He is afraid of having to face his demons... .because... .I would force him to confront his behavior and feelings.

Strangely... .here is me... .a person that may now be able to understand him better than anyone else, he has discarded me. 

They chose to say good-bye so easily, because it's easier than to deal with their inner emotions.

[Sailskier]

  He wrote to me that he doesnt want a personal goodbye

Same here w' me.  My T today tells me that chances are that he just doesn't want to hear or see me for fear that he'll change his mind.  My T tells me that from the emails he sent me, he can clearly see that my ex is saying that he is not good for me & that he is afraid of being in this relationship.  I understand now a bit better.  He is afraid of having to face his demons... .because... .I would force him to confront his behavior and feelings.

Strangely... .here is me... .a person that may now be able to understand him better than anyone else, he has discarded me. 

They chose to say good-bye so easily, because it's easier than to deal with their inner emotions.

[OTH]

They do have the tools emotionally for conflict resolution. They tend to take the path of least resistance. They tend to run from difficult feelings and emotions. When problems come up in relationships they are not able to deal with them in an adult fashion. That is what makes it so easy to leave and begin a new relationship. They become frustrated in long term relationships because it takes work and effort.

  He wrote to me that he doesnt want a personal goodbye

Same here w' me.  My T today tells me that chances are that he just doesn't want to hear or see me for fear that he'll change his mind.  My T tells me that from the emails he sent me, he can clearly see that my ex is saying that he is not good for me & that he is afraid of being in this relationship.  I understand now a bit better.  He is afraid of having to face his demons... .because... .I would force him to confront his behavior and feelings.

Strangely... .here is me... .a person that may now be able to understand him better than anyone else, he has discarded me. 

They chose to say good-bye so easily, because it's easier than to deal with their inner emotions.

[Ritchie53]

Amazing the intensity of these relationships, eh wahoo?  Mine had dramatic breakups too and OTH was spot on with the point that they spend much time ahead of the breakup detaching (and... . lining up the next victim).  All of this so that, when the breakup comes around, they're indifferent and almost giddy to get out and start the next relationship.  How sick!

This I can really relate to - on the final burst she saw that I was completely shattered and moved in for the kill big time. One thing I did ask was what about all the intimate moments we have shared? Her response was 'I cant remember them.' So goes to show she had already 'checked out' of the relationship long ago and was just starting new relationship with the once abusive ex.

2 days later I initiated no contact and not once reacted to the social media smearing I received - although I was devastated beyond belief, only a few people (my mum and three non mutual friends) knew how badly it affected me. Nearly 7 months on and I just hope that my no contact and walking away without any comment or bad feeling shows that I had strength of character and was indifferent to the proceedings. But something tells me it just shows that I did not care as it is and always will be, only about her.

[blissful_camper]

The push/pull dynamic is all about 'the test' ~ testing the 'nons' resolve and pushing boundaries to see how far they can push it.

As the relationship cycles the BPD bar is raised higher and higher ~ will he/she jump over this one? Will he/she stumble and finally in time clammer over it? The Borderline equates this with love ~ oh he/she did jump over it therefore they love me. This is a very immature way of relating however as we know BPDs emotional development is arrested at 3 yo.

The purpose of the 'push' is about control ~ the pulling back is also about control ~ so if you cant jump over the bar because its raised too high then either the Borderline pulls the pin or the 'non' does!

This is true.  My ex admitted to constantly testing me.  When I asked why, he said he was testing me to see what I would tolerate.  When asked if I had passed his tests, he said yes.  I requested that he not test me, and suggested channeling that energy in constructive ways.  The problem was that testing was how he determined someone's love for him.  One would think that once one "passed" all of those tests, there would be no need to test his partner any further.  Nope.  The "bar" was raised and the testing progressively worsened, until, as Clearmind pointed out, one or the other pulled the pin.  Sadly, it's almost like he wanted to prove to himself that nobody "loves' him.