More BPD Mind Games

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

So true captain.  I think it was easier to get over the first BPD ex when all this info was unavailable.  But now that I have all this  new knowledge at my disposal, I'm definitely a better person and I now know EXACTLY what me and you were both dealing with all those years ago!  This wonderful board, and other informative sites and articles like it, have not only armed us with the weapons we need to avoid getting into relationships with people like this again by recognizing early red flags.  I think even more importantly, this info has helped us to realize that we need to work on ourselves, and make ourselves better people so we can prevent other from treating us the way they have.

[avoidatallcost]

So true captain.  I think it was easier to get over the first BPD ex when all this info was unavailable.  But now that I have all this  new knowledge at my disposal, I'm definitely a better person and I now know EXACTLY what me and you were both dealing with all those years ago!  This wonderful board, and other informative sites and articles like it, have not only armed us with the weapons we need to avoid getting into relationships with people like this again by recognizing early red flags.  I think even more importantly, this info has helped us to realize that we need to work on ourselves, and make ourselves better people so we can prevent other from treating us the way they have.

[slvr6543]

@all

I am not sure its mine. I am 99.9 % the baby is the new guys. What I am struggling with is the fact that she has been with this guy less than 4 months. She is bringing another child into this world under false pretenses and this child is going to be brought up in a separated home. My ex use to tell me I WAS THE ONE and 3 years later we are done. SHe is doing the same thing with this guy. I guess as I understand the insanity and the BPD portion. The undeniable fact is that I loved this person and want her to be happy and I am watching her ruin her life. Some of it is my bruised ego. I just have to keep reminding myself she is sick.

[yianks69]

The thing is, both BPD's LOVED playing mind games.  Why?  I think this may be a bit more than just a part of the push-pull dynamic.  Perhaps this is some kind of sick way they enjoy watching us suffer by mentally twisting our brains?

They play mind games because this is what small children love to do: playing games!

Since their emotional development resembles that of a small child, they do not realize the serious effects those games have on others. It’s similar to a small child of four not speaking to her father because he didn’t buy that much wanted toy.

[avoidatallcost]

@slver:

Thankfully at least the child isn't yours... can you imagine the insanity you will have to go through if this is indeed the case?  It's a good thing we can all cut our losses, talk about what happened as if we were war veterans, and move on with our lives.  For our BP exes, unfortunately for them chances are the madness that is their lives will only get worse.  It's a shame she's bringing a new life into this world, but this is not your problem.  Remember, our thoughts that we can save someone else is partially what got us all into this big mess to begin with!

yianks:

I'm not so sure she doesn't understand the effect of her "games."  Remember these are people who have carefully honed their tricks of the trade over many relationships!  They know exactly which buttons to push, and I think they know just how much it hurts us!  The real problem here, I think (and this is just my opinion) is that they think we deserve this treatment.  They truly believe that, eventually, we have become their persecutors and that we are bad for them and therefore must be punished for hurting them.  

[slvr6543]

I agree. If the child was mine she would have dropped this other guy and tried to get back with me. I know her like the back of my hand. That is another good indication its not mine. As you said. BETTER HIM THAN ME. Thank god.

[avoidatallcost]

BETTER HIM THAN YOU. 

Couldn't have said it better myself!  The hard part is seeing them all happy together, for weeks and even months.  With my ex, I remember thinking that the 3 months of our post breakup time she spent with the new guy, I was so angry because I felt like she never gave me this much peace!  But you never know what's really going on behind the scenes.  Can dysfunctional people really maintain a functional relationship for any expanded amount of time? 

I'd like to see what your views of her new relationship with this guy are a year from now.

[slvr6543]

@avoid

Well, its complicated. At first glance (although I knew this r/s with the new guy wasn't going to last) I still had (as you said) thoughts of them being happy and that really took a toll on me. My ex got with this guy within 4 days of us splitting. Naturalluy it hurt like hell. The couple of times I talked to her after the split she was telling me (when I busted her lieing about being with this guy) that she was happy. That really messed with my head. Again, I knew what was happening but couldn't help feeling like she was going to live a happy life with him. Then someone on this board kept drilling it in my head even further that this could not happen. Low and behold 2months after we split, Her and the new guy split up. I have to admit, that's  the best I felt since the split.

She also tried to contact me at that time not knowing that I knew they split and she asked me where I was living (which is the 1st question she asked before getting back together the previous 3 times). I told her I was staying with my parents for another 6 months till I buy my house. A week later they were back together. A little over a month later is when she showed up at the bare asking me to come outside and telling me she was prego.

I hated the fact she moved on so quick with someone else. This is the 2nd time she did that. the last time she did it she was back within 3 weeks. She has left me 4 times total in 3 years and each time I thought she was gone forever. In a way, I have been through this 4 times. The only difference this time is I now know its for good and she has no say in it what so ever. This is also what pains me is to see her messing with another child and persons life. Hope that wasn't to long.

[avoidatallcost]

It sounds like all her relationships are really messed up.  Par for the course I'm sure.  I wonder how this whole pregnant situation is going to play out...

[slvr6543]

I really don't know. But I can probably figure out that easier than alot of other things. At this point she is living with the guy in a nice house, She thinks she is in love (Im Sure) she probably is going to have it and marry him. I can't see her coming to her seances. I mean she took no responsibility in preventing it from happening and neither did her new Guy. Although I don't agree with him but I could see where he wouldn't be responsible to try to prevent it from happening. She is absolutely beautiful and he is a dorky guy. He probably thought OMG this is a god send. Who else would move a girl in that they barley know and her daughter along with his son knowing that she just got out of a relationship a few days ago?... EXACTLY KIND OF PERSON THEY LOOK FOR.

[kikiromano]

There are some very insightful people on here.

Some of the words and phrases are spot on and I've never heard them before so bravo for thinking about your situations at length enough to have your own verbage.

Plot. That was one word that stood out in this thread.

My exbpBPDbf went off several meds and within a few months became a plotting criminally cruel monster.

When we met he was very thin, had been through a major breakdown and had been arrested for duis. Seemed like the victim of his childhood and he was so gentle. He started to glob onto me really soon after we met. Every form of communication possible he utilized and I felt so smothered but then also so flattered because he was a really cute guy and he was falling all over himself fawning over me. He worshipped me. He had substance abuse problems and relapsed once our first year and then did time for his duis so he was sober when he came out of jail.

But once he stopped those medications he changed. Baiting me it seemed like. All of his persona and what he said he wanted in a relationship changed 180 degrees.

He had wanted to marry me so much for over a year or at least said he did.

His behavior scared and angered me and I blew up at him a few times and he actually broke up with me. Could never have ever imagined him doing that because he was so crazy in love with me before that. I didn't know it was called love bombing until I did some research after the wreckage started to build up.

After I tried for months to help him and stay in touch he relapsed again, said horrible things to me and I gave up.

Still stayed in touch from a distance.

He methodically started to spread rumors that I was stalking him? I never did. I had heard from others he was saying some weird stuff on fb so I told him what I was hearing and that I had seen some of the comments. That was stalking? I simply let him know and left it at that.

Finally I had enough of his lies and slander and I went to his friends to ask them to make him stop. Said I was finished with him. I couldn't take anymore.

Within two weeks he found an old girlfriend and got engaged a month later and married her on my birthday. Plotting.

[goingtostopthis]

Thanks for the insight guys... I find this behavior to be so strange, I've dated a lot but have NEVER had a woman break up with me, then two months later text me a random comment and when I responded, she would simply ignore me.  Personally, I think it's a power thing too.  She wants the comfort of knowing I did not abandon her, and that I am still willing to pick up the phone when she calls or respond to a message when she texts.  I think she's also doing it to make me suffer.  Why else ignore my response?

Crazy BPD, go away.

Oh How I have been there where you are now.   Its horrible. Its a horrible way to treat a person. Its garbage. It makes you want to seek them  out on foot and wring their necks. I think she wants to feed off you by provoking you in this way. To make you call again, and again,  Id call her back one more time and and tell her to not to call you again and leave you hanging,its rude or else you youll block her number.