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vincent11
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« Reply #30 on: June 22, 2012, 10:41:44 PM » |
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Doing what they do. For instance he went silent on me early in our relationship but it only lasted a few hours. The longer I'm with him the greater a risk he is willing to take each time so his silences grow longer each time. I know he couldn't possibly need 3 months to cool off over an extremely minor incident but he takes 3 months of silence anyway. I truly believe in my heart he is testing me to see if I will still be there when he breaks the ice to return and to see just how committed I am to him. He pushes limits and tests me to the inth degree. The last time he decided to go silent I went silent too. It scared him half to death and it reversed the torment I guess because for a change *HE* sat and wondered for 3 weeks why *I* hadn't called him.
Just mirror his behavior. Whatever he does... .do the same. Not in a mocking demeanor but literally mirror his more subtle behaviors.
quote author=Lily_Stargazer link=topic=177314.msg12074046#msg12074046 date=1340421601]Hi Bright_Future, and everyone else going through the silent treatment,
I feel your pain. I just joined today and posted about my situation on the new member board and the undecided board (please see those posts if you like for more info) - my bf, who I think has BPD, has been giving me the silent treatment for almost a month now, and saying he wants to break up. This has happened before, but this is the first time since we moved in together. He previously broke up with me for about 2 months and then suddenly decided he wanted me back.
Bright_Future, I think you and I seem to be in similar situations here. I think my bf is trying to find happiness, and he really needs to accept himself. He quit a job, moved to another area, and now claims he is happy with his new job, but I don't think he is really happy deep down inside. So he is projecting that unhappiness onto me. I think it is good in this case to be able to take a step back, work on yourself, and let the other person work on accepting himself/finding his own happiness. In my case, we just moved into a new house, and while he claims he is happy with it, moving IS a big adjustment, and maybe the move stressed him in ways he does not even realize.
At this point I am unsure about where things are going, but I really want to stay and try to work through this. If he is going to be disengaged for a while, I will work on myself, go to individual therapy sessions, and spend time with friends. Honestly, my favorite thing to do right now is spend time with the dog. She is our baby.
Also, vincent11, your posts were very insightful, and I noticed you mentioning doing mirroring - what does that entail? [/quote]
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