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Author Topic: Any success stories? Life after a BPD relationship ends?  (Read 625 times)
GettinHealthy

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« on: December 31, 2012, 10:17:20 AM »

Hi all,

I am about 2 and a half months out of a relationship with a uBPD and still maintaining NC (although it has been really hard!).  I am working my way through healing and am in NO WAY ready to even consider being with anyone else for a really long time.  That being said, with all the sad stories of what we are all going through, I was wondering if there were any positive success stories out there?  Something that can maybe give some of us hope that there is life after a BPD relationship ends!
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Suzn
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
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« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2012, 11:52:47 AM »

There IS life after a BPD relationship. Your life. And you get to choose where to go from here. I'm sorry NC is hard, I felt the same way. I took a year off from dating and it was a good choice to do so. It gave me time to heal and grow, to get to know myself and get reacquainted to my own values. This helps see the flags in potential partners. The only way to be open to know someone else is to know yourself. I am in a much happier, more grounded place today. I consider my story a success, I have grown and won't be as susceptible to another dysfunctional relationship. I am fine being alone and actually enjoy my time alone.

What does "working your way through healing" look like for you?   
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“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.” ~Jacob M. Braude
GettinHealthy

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« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2012, 01:18:53 PM »

What does "working your way through healing" look like for you?   

Working my way through healing looks very much like where you are today.  When looking back at my history of relationships, I have found (through the help of my T) that I have never really been in a healthy relationship.  I have never really experienced real love (including loving myself).  I have never had a true reciprocal relationship and have always given way too much of myself in order to feel love from someone else that I never had for myself.  I want to learn to love the person I am.  I want to be happy and healthy mentally and emotionally.  I want to learn who I really am and what really makes me tick.  I am still struggling to stop hoping for my uBPDexgf to come to the realization that she is broken and get fixed and come back to me and be happy ever after.  I know in my mind that will not happen, but I am trying to get my emotional side to get to where my logical side is.  It is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I am hoping for a life long payoff in the end and no loger have the need for anyone else to make me happy.  Its a long road and I hope I can stay strong enough to make it!
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BleedsOrange
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« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2012, 03:04:43 PM »

The more days I spend without being told how bad I am, the more I remember that Im not, never was and never will be. Hows that?

I spend more and more time with people who love me and remember that, unlike what I was told, this great guy that they love really is who I am, and Im not tricking everyone into thinking it.

Thats my success Smiling (click to insert in post)
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exbpdgf
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
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« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2012, 03:23:46 PM »

Tomorrow will be 1 year out of my 9 year r/s with my ex BPD gf (and 7+ months total NC). I have a loong way to go and I'm working on "my side of the street" in relation to my last r/s, all my r/s and my childhood stuff that I believe led me down this not so rosey path to begin with... .  

All that being said, I have felt more relief and actual joy in my life this year than possibly ever (for sure in more than 9 years). 90 days NC seemed to be a point of demarcation for me and another 90 days seemed like another big point. When I told  a friend (yup, I'm making them again too, social isolation began to change the day I left my BPDgf it seems)-anyway, when I told a friend a bit about what I'd just been through with my ex (and a similarly disordered person at my job-who kept trying to be my boss oy vey), my friend said "oh honey, that's 10 years on the couch and medication, it's time for you to go figure out what you want on your own pizza". I almost fell down laughing. And she's right. So I'm enjoying figuring out what I want on my pizza for now.   
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letmeout
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2012, 03:34:05 PM »

That was a great thing to say!   Happy New Year!
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BleedsOrange
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« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2012, 03:40:31 PM »

pizza sounds delicious. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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maria1
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« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2012, 04:25:21 PM »

Gettinhealthy

Aren't you starting on your own success story? It sounds like you are ready to start on a relationship with yourself for the first time in your life!

Would you have been able to do without the BPD relationship? As painful as it is you are starting from somewhere you wouldn't have got to otherwise.

Read your posts in this thread again- you are making the most amazing success story. I too have been writing my own. It's the most difficult thing I have ever done. It involves painfully examining me and my life from way, way back. I'm getting to a better place now than I have ever been.

The very best to you with it all. x
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charred
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2012, 04:30:57 PM »

Yes there is success after a relationship with a pwBPD.

I was dumped by my pwBPD about 25 yrs ago and went on to date about 15 people before marrying and being married some 23 yrs... .  that was success.

Managed to grab defeat from the jaws of victory though, went back with exBPDgf, got a divorce and recycled about 6 times before kicking her to curb. In my defense... I didn't know that she was BPD... that was info I got once we were dating again.

 

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doingtheswim
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Posts: 64



« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2013, 12:34:05 PM »

What does "working your way through healing" look like for you?   

Working my way through healing looks very much like where you are today.  When looking back at my history of relationships, I have found (through the help of my T) that I have never really been in a healthy relationship.  I have never really experienced real love (including loving myself).  I have never had a true reciprocal relationship and have always given way too much of myself in order to feel love from someone else that I never had for myself.  I want to learn to love the person I am.  I want to be happy and healthy mentally and emotionally.  I want to learn who I really am and what really makes me tick.  I am still struggling to stop hoping for my uBPDexgf to come to the realization that she is broken and get fixed and come back to me and be happy ever after.  I know in my mind that will not happen, but I am trying to get my emotional side to get to where my logical side is.  It is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I am hoping for a life long payoff in the end and no loger have the need for anyone else to make me happy.  Its a long road and I hope I can stay strong enough to make it!

You will-- excellent post!

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doingtheswim
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« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2013, 12:35:34 PM »

The more days I spend without being told how bad I am, the more I remember that Im not, never was and never will be. Hows that?

I spend more and more time with people who love me and remember that, unlike what I was told, this great guy that they love really is who I am, and Im not tricking everyone into thinking it.

Thats my success Smiling (click to insert in post)

AWESOME!
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TeaAmongRoses
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married 10 years
Posts: 1037



« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2013, 03:18:51 PM »

I consider myself a success story too. Although for me it turns out my BPDh was not the only problem. I brought my own interpersonal problems to the relationship.

After we broke up for the final time, divorce was final I think spring 2006, I was in an unhealthy relationship for another 4 years. My new bf was not BPD but abusive (emotionally, psychologically - not verbaly or physically which I had been more exposed to with my exhusband). I joined a support group for women in abusive relationships and got into treatment for PTSD. I had another T too who actually encouraged me to get INto a relationship because he felt I had attachment issues that wouldn't go away without someone to love me. So I started dating and when I met my current husband, I liked him and just stayed with him after we met. We will be married three years this summer and we both have our own issues we're working on. But this chapter has promise of working out and I feel much happier than I did for as long as I remember (other than the first few months after I split from my exBPDh). Those first few months of freedom were bliss - although it was also excruciating trying to be nocontact and start to feel all the poison that had built up inside me. For me it has been a long process but as I wrote in my dream journal today, I'm halfway up the hill. I'm bringing baggage with me from my past, baggage that goes back at least to my grantdparents if not before them so I'm proud to be continuing to improve and move forward!

CONGRATULATIONS on ending your relationship. It is truly a new beginning for you. Love, Tea 
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