2013, time for change for me

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey all,

I'm really looking forward to this year, I've decided to set myself some good goals this year. I've really got stuck into Therapy and it's really helped rebuild my confidence. I've also been putting the tools I learned into good use and found that its really built a bridge between us and we are talking again. I'm finding this amazing, after years of snapping at each other, living around each other and being passive aggressive at each other we are starting to get on quite well.

I've decided for this year I'm going to carry on working on myself. Finish my Therapy, working on my little business, eating better and get some exercise and spending time with my family. Onwards and upwards for me and I'd like to thank everyone for their advice and support since I arrived. Does anyone else have plans for new year?

[cartman1]

Hey all,

I'm really looking forward to this year, I've decided to set myself some good goals this year. I've really got stuck into Therapy and it's really helped rebuild my confidence. I've also been putting the tools I learned into good use and found that its really built a bridge between us and we are talking again. I'm finding this amazing, after years of snapping at each other, living around each other and being passive aggressive at each other we are starting to get on quite well.

I've decided for this year I'm going to carry on working on myself. Finish my Therapy, working on my little business, eating better and get some exercise and spending time with my family. Onwards and upwards for me and I'd like to thank everyone for their advice and support since I arrived. Does anyone else have plans for new year?

[Validation78]

Hey Cartman!

Good for you! I'm always thrilled when I hear one of our members share a bit about how they are making strides for themselves, and more so, for their relationships!

My plans for 2013 are to stay focused on my self improvement, and my commitment to myself. I hope that trickles down to everyone around me, although I am seeing the benefit to not being as concerned with all the others, and simply taking care of Val! Sounds selfish, I know, and I may be, however, it's about time!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[cartman1]

Know what Val, I've got to agree with you. On Christmas I was running around making sure everyone was having a good time but then I realised nobody was doing the same so I thought, right me time and just chilled for a bit. I think when we look after ourselves it makes us happier and more fun for people to be around. I have started calling this residual love and I believe this is what our families, especially our little ones enjoy.

I can't wait to get stuck into this year!

[mssomebodynice]

Good for you Cartman!  I am trying to do the same!  Most of my days I am positive.  I think it is safe to say that for the most part, everyone on here happens to be nurturers and caregivers.  You are right that we need to take time for ourselves.  As a single mom with three kids, it can be difficult.  Going to the gym everyday for almost two months is really helping me.  Now, I have to have that time.  It is helping my body and my mind, as they are connected.  It is a great stress reliever for me.  I have never worked at my body so hard.  I am on a mission!  It is the one thing I do for me everyday.  Stay positive and I hope all your dreams come true in this New Year! Carry on, you are on the right track! 

[Seahorse1]

Good for you Cartman... .  Glad to see things are improving somewhat!

[cartman1]

Good for you Cartman!  I am trying to do the same!  Most of my days I am positive.  I think it is safe to say that for the most part, everyone on here happens to be nurturers and caregivers.  You are right that we need to take time for ourselves.  As a single mom with three kids, it can be difficult.  Going to the gym everyday for almost two months is really helping me.  Now, I have to have that time.  It is helping my body and my mind, as they are connected.  It is a great stress reliever for me.  I have never worked at my body so hard.  I am on a mission!  It is the one thing I do for me everyday.  Stay positive and I hope all your dreams come true in this New Year! Carry on, you are on the right track! 

Good for you Cartman!  I am trying to do the same!  Most of my days I am positive.  I think it is safe to say that for the most part, everyone on here happens to be nurturers and caregivers.  You are right that we need to take time for ourselves.  As a single mom with three kids, it can be difficult.  Going to the gym everyday for almost two months is really helping me.  Now, I have to have that time.  It is helping my body and my mind, as they are connected.  It is a great stress reliever for me.  I have never worked at my body so hard.  I am on a mission!  It is the one thing I do for me everyday.  Stay positive and I hope all your dreams come true in this New Year! Carry on, you are on the right track! 

Good for you Cartman!  I am trying to do the same!  Most of my days I am positive.  I think it is safe to say that for the most part, everyone on here happens to be nurturers and caregivers.  You are right that we need to take time for ourselves.  As a single mom with three kids, it can be difficult.  Going to the gym everyday for almost two months is really helping me.  Now, I have to have that time.  It is helping my body and my mind, as they are connected.  It is a great stress reliever for me.  I have never worked at my body so hard.  I am on a mission!  It is the one thing I do for me everyday.  Stay positive and I hope all your dreams come true in this New Year! Carry on, you are on the right track! 

I agree, a lot of people here are naturally caring. I think this could be a trait that people with BPD look for in their SO, which would be understandable really. I notice we all tend to 'understand.' I bet we are all very compassionate people.

I used to be big on the gym, I read exercise realises endorphins into the brain which helps fight feeling down. One thing I noticed was it also increased my confidence and testosterone levels. This wasn't good when my uBPDw was stressed as I was finding it a little harder to back out of disagreements. 

Good for you Cartman... .  Glad to see things are improving somewhat!

I must say our bad days are better than our goods days a month ago, my uBPDw came in the room the other evening, gave me the remote and snuggled right up to me. Now this probably doesn't sound like much but this gave me a lump in my throat!

[mssomebodynice]

I think it is actually safe to say that most of us are co-dependant personalities.  My understanding is that yes, BPD's attract us like magnets.  Psychology is the study of patterns people have in their personalities.  Ask your self if you give and give without much thought to your needs often.  Then you can go further and ask yourself if you regularly tolerate 'bad behavior' but continue to give of yourself?  I have to remind myself that I want to stop doing this.  It rewards bad behavior in anyone, even the dog, but especially BPD's.  It doesn't mean you have to change your language of love.  It just means you have to alter it slightly and take care of yourself too.  Self improvment is always a good thing.  Wishing the best to all in 2013.  Promise to yourself that you will look out for you!

[cartman1]

I think it is actually safe to say that most of us are co-dependant personalities.  My understanding is that yes, BPD's attract us like magnets.  Psychology is the study of patterns people have in their personalities.  Ask your self if you give and give without much thought to your needs often.  Then you can go further and ask yourself if you regularly tolerate 'bad behavior' but continue to give of yourself?  I have to remind myself that I want to stop doing this.  It rewards bad behavior in anyone, even the dog, but especially BPD's.  It doesn't mean you have to change your language of love.  It just means you have to alter it slightly and take care of yourself too.  Self improvment is always a good thing.  Wishing the best to all in 2013.  Promise to yourself that you will look out for you!

I must say, that's what this thread is about for me. I'm making it my new years resolution to put myself first.

I've been doing a lot of talking with my Wife and I have asked her to go to Therapy and she has agreed. I don't know how much truth is in this but my encouragement has got her a long way. When I met her she wouldn't leave her flat and now she has a job which she admitted wouldn't have happened without my pushing. Also I coaxed her into learning to drive and she admitted that her life would of been different without me. I am going to use these things as an example and ask her to trust me. I really hope she chooses to here my advice.