Borderline dreams, feelings and reality

[waverider]

We know that pwBPD often struggle to separate feelings from reality. But what about dreams?

My partner has lots of dreams about being victimized persecuted etc. Most often the perpetrator is her own family, in particular her younger sister. When recounting these dreams they are always unusually long and detailed. I have no doubt they are embellished in the telling.

Her family are all high functioning, my partner is low functioning, but I suspect most of them are either PD to some degree or at least affected by the environment. The younger sister who is often the center of these is actually the least dysfunctional of the lot and probably the most empathetic, but thats not saying much in this family. Maybe some projecting going on here?

My partner has a real problem bonding and fear of her family. Much of this is due to the "facade" she puts up over the phone, half truths big talk etc usual BPD stuff. She is in constant fear of being found out, and belittled as a loser.

The point of all this is I am not sure how much of the family animosity has its origins in the dreams rather than in reality. She can fall out with someone over a dream she has had about someone.

Does anyone else have experience with dreams driving feelings which in term define their reality?

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[cartman1]

Wow waverider what a topic. My wife has a lot of repressed memories. Memories and she told me of a dream when she was little she had a lovely big house but when she went up stairs there was just a wall. No upstairs just a wall. I swear these are linked. I've got some more I'll share later as I'm in work!

[waverider]

I know my dreams are all over the place, surreal and disjointed, but my partners seem like cohesive real time and linear as though it were a real story. I think that may be why she struggles to differentiate between dream and reality, as it doesn't just feel like a stupid dream.

If she dreams she was abused, she feels abused > was abused. Dreams are often the source of serious splitting, which can then be reversed by a good dream.

As if we dont have enough real time triggers to deal with.

[gina louise]

 waverider

My uBPDh would have dreams-quite vivid... .  about other women with long dark hair and so forth (obviously not me) and those dreams would trigger him pulling away and "searching" in vain for his ideal dream girl. His perfect Love.

He was convinced she was a real person. and that she was "out there" for him!

He also had dreams of being persecuted and chased by people with weapons... .  he rarely could defend himself. He would stay angry and defensive all day-and even recounting the dream was triggering for him. He would become visibly upset talking about it.

He would have dreams about his parents (both deceased) that would trigger his low moods and angst for day and days.

Whether dream event or real event or imagined event... .  anything could trigger an internal state.

GL

[waverider]

I thought this may be a BPD thing, though haven't really seen it mentioned anywhere.

I often get interrogated about infidelity after dreams

A simple bad dream can completely undo a lot of positive work.

[ZigZiglar]

Sometimes my wife will have a dream involving me doing something hurtful or nasty - perhaps disappearing with the kids or cheating on her etc. She will often spend the entire next day angry or upset with me, at the same time acknowledging that it was just a dream.

She will usually remind me whenever she bumps into me how nasty I was in her dream. She knows that it was just a dream, but she still feels the hurt as though it really happened. She realises that persecuting me would be unfair and illogical, so she demonstrates a lot of self control in the form of simply reminding me that she's still upset about what I did in the dream. She does try to use the fact that it was me who caused that hurt to guilt me for validation/sympathy etc. which is frustrating.

It is bizarre and impossible to defend against if you aren't familiar with the validation tools out there, like I wasn't until recently!

[sunshine40]

My uBPDh does the same. He will have a terrible day, or wake up angry at me and yell at me because of what I did in a dream... Or on a day where it is mild he will just be gripey all day and snapping at everthing for seemingly no reason and a few days later filled with this behavior, he'll tell me he has been grumpy or sad or taking things out on me because of something that happenned in a dream. He does not share what is in those dreams anymore, but they usually were some form of betrayal by me.

He knows it is just a dream, and I can tell hat many times he is "trying" to let it go, but it is hard for him to not let it influence his reality. It was worse when he was taking 5HTP... that is, the dreams were worse and he would wake up crying hysterically... horribly heartbroken... .  but he was nicer during his "awake time". He is no longer taking it.

-sunshine40

[jp254958]

I had a really unusual experience.  One time, very early in the morning, I woke up to my ex screaming in bed next to me.  She said that she woke up and looked at me and my eyes were wide open staring at her and she became scared.  She kept screaming no, no, no, no and it woke me up and and I asked what was wrong.

My eyes were closed and I was sleeping.  I asked her what was going on with her and she said it may have been a movie she was watching the night before.  

This was near the very end of our relationship.  I wondered if their odd dreaming comes from their subconscious mind, which is filled with shame, guilt, fear, and torment.  Feelings try to surface if they are repressed for too long.

My ex said she had often seen things when waking up.  For example, she said she saw her dead grandmother as an orb - and she took this to mean that it was her grandmother's way of saying she loved my ex.  

When I brought up the possibility that these waking hallucinations may have actually been a symptom of sleep paralysis, she became very defensive and angry.  

[Rockylove]

I have often found that my "dreams" (some of which I consider nightmares) are directly related to my own fears.  If I'm troubled about something, it will manifest itself in a crazy dream.  I have no doubt that my BPD/bf's experience is similar... .  he can dream some wild stuff!

[Peace4ME]

When things aren't going well with my dBPDbf, i tend to dream about a specific ex. Something I feel guilty about, but can't control. I try not to read into it too much, but the 3 times I have heard from him since I have been with my current bf have been through a text the day after dreaming about him. Strange. But many of my dreams are slightly telepathic, I sometimes dream about situations before they happen. Nothing exact, but it always makes some sense afterwards.

My dBPDbf never remembers his dreams (if he has them) but I'm pretty sure this is because he smokes too much pot.