I need some support tonight.

[CompletelyOverwhelmed]

I was recently diagnosed with adhd. I'm not surprised. I started taking the medicine the doc. gave yesterday. Today, I feel medicine heady, tired, cloudy headed and had an anger burst directed at my 7 yr. old. I called her lying b*tch and told her to get away from me. I feel horrible and I have no idea what came over me. I feel like I am losing my mind. When my uBPDh called, I told him I flipped out on her but did not give details. He said I didn't sound right and that was it. He asked to speak to the girls and had a 15 min converstain telling them good night. He got off the phone and never called back. I know that he can't be there for me tonight but I really need him. I need someone. I have no family to call or friends that would understand. I hate the way this feels. Of course I am not ever taking this medication again.

How do I explain my behavior to my 7 yr old. I had to explain BPD to her not that long ago and this is a similar experience she had with her dad.

My poor 4 yr old just cried. I'm so afraid I am screwing them up. I want what's best for them but I don't feel like I can give that to them. I failed tonight and probably deserve to be alone.  I just don't know how to manage all of this.

It just hurts tonight.

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[123Phoebe]

Aw, take a deep breath and try to relax.  Maybe a simple apology, explaining that it was not her fault at all and a hug will help your daughter feel better (and you too )

Sometimes things just get to us and we become completely overwhelmed

Hang in there, tomorrow's a new day

[Justadude]

Ugh. It's so hard to go through what you are going through. I would suggest taking ownership of your mistake with your kids and do your best to be the best you can be. I think every parent has been there. It sucks.

[kl315]

Oh dear. I feel for you as I'm sure every parent here would. I think we've all flipped out on our kids at least once. You're human and under a tremendous amount of pressure. If it were me, I would look at this as an opportunity to teach your daughters how to handle conflict and what to do when they screw up. With the older one, be honest. Tell her about the medication and how it made you feel, that you're going to stop taking it, but don't use it as an excuse... .  simpy state the facts and let her know that there was no excuse for what you said. Then apologize, tell her how much you love her and that while you can't promise that you won't make mistakes in the future, you love her no matter what. Ask her if she can forgive you... .  I think it's comforting for kids to feel they have some sort of choice in the matter and that they're not being ordered to forgive. Then ask if she has any questions or has anything she wants to say.

Have the same, but age appropriate conversation with your four year old.

By asking for forgiveness and truly meaning it, it's easier to forgive yourself of occurences like this... .  and you should forgive yourself and not beat yourself up for isolated mistakes. If it continues to be an issue though, you should consider therapy for yourself (if you haven't already). Being a mom, dealing with a pwBPD and your own condition can be overwhelming. You owe it to yourself and your kids to seek help if you feel you need it.

Hang in there and keep posting. Sometimes writing it down and having others identify with your issues is all you need to get you over a bad patch.  

[CodependentHusband]

Hug them and tell them how much they mean to you. Anyone who says that they haven't lost their cool with their kids, I think, is likely delusional. Yes, it was extreme... .  I can see why you feel mortified over what you said and did. You are human. Hope your evening gets better! Hang in there!

[ChemGuy]

If it were me, I would look at this as an opportunity to teach your daughters how to handle conflict and what to do when they screw up. With the older one, be honest. Tell her about the medication and how it made you feel, that you're going to stop taking it, but don't use it as an excuse... .  simpy state the facts and let her know that there was no excuse for what you said. Then apologize, tell her how much you love her and that while you can't promise that you won't make mistakes in the future, you love her no matter what. Ask her if she can forgive you... .  I think it's comforting for kids to feel they have some sort of choice in the matter and that they're not being ordered to forgive. Then ask if she has any questions or has anything she wants to say.

I agree with this.  I remember a few occasions when my mom flipped out on me.  She was a fairly good mom, but with an anxious streak.  I remember times when she would get too mad about something, but she would come back later and apologize and we'd talk about it and then it was fine. 

Everybody makes mistakes and sometimes acts in ways that they're prefer to take back.  It's okay for your daughter to know that you sometimes make mistakes, just use it as an opportunity to teach her how to handle the situation when someday she does something that she'd prefer to take back.

[Rockylove]

You are human.  Humans do that!  Your children will forgive you and you can forgive yourself.  I remember things being very difficult at one time and I flipped out on my kids.  They are adults now and they don't even remember... .  but I do.  I suppose I never really forgave myself until I talked to them about it many years later and they said that they thought I was a wonderful mom and they wouldn't have changed a thing.  All will be well... .  Tomorrow IS another day. 

[CompletelyOverwhelmed]

Thank you everyone! I so needed to hear you kind and honest words. I did talk with her and tell her about the medicine. She is forgiving and a people pleaser by nature and I am always concerned that she holds too much in. I made sure to expressed to to both of the girls that no one should ever talk to them hat way nor should anyone ever call them names. Not even me, especially me. Moms are not supposed to make their children feel the way I made her feel tonight. I'm so concerned with how she is internalizing all that has gone on around her lately. It's been an extreme up and down with her dad for 2 weeks. Everything is getting better but for some reason better doesn't mean easier. It's hard to see and except the better when it's harder.

I like the suggestion about asking for forgiveness. It's like passing the torch, giving her a moment of control to feel in control after an out of control situation.

Again thank you all! You really helped me out tonight!  

[GreenTea]

Oh dear. I feel for you as I'm sure every parent here would. I think we've all flipped out on our kids at least once. You're human and under a tremendous amount of pressure. If it were me, I would look at this as an opportunity to teach your daughters how to handle conflict and what to do when they screw up. With the older one, be honest. Tell her about the medication and how it made you feel, that you're going to stop taking it, but don't use it as an excuse... .  simpy state the facts and let her know that there was no excuse for what you said. Then apologize, tell her how much you love her and that while you can't promise that you won't make mistakes in the future, you love her no matter what. Ask her if she can forgive you... .  I think it's comforting for kids to feel they have some sort of choice in the matter and that they're not being ordered to forgive. Then ask if she has any questions or has anything she wants to say.

I agree with Kl315. We all make mistakes as parents. But what a wonderful lesson you're teaching your daughter: how to take ownership of your mistake and ask for forgiveness. Coming from a parent to a child that is huge. It's humbling for us as parents, but demonstrates our love and respect for our child. Hang in there CompletelyOverwhelmed. 

[maryy16]

I am the queen of beating myself up for my mistakes and I completely understand how you are feeling.  So, I'm not really one to give advice other than ":)o as I say, not as I do" haha

We are human and all make mistakes.  We have all had outbursts that we later regret. 

I agree with everyone else... .  apologize and just tell your children that you will try and never let that happen again. 

Honestly, your children will respect you so much more when you own up to your mistakes.  This will pass, so please don't waste time on it.  Learn from your mistakes and move on. 

Everything will be okay!