Tired of being the only one trying

[Depression = 72% of members]

I guess I will just give up on this "relationship".

Before I moved in for the 4 th time he was so open & even wrote me letters, was going to counseling. I moved in everything stopped.

So as usual I practically begged for him to go out to eat with me, the whole time he says nothing & acts like he is miserable.

So I ask him if all the things he said & wrote were true. He literally shut me down, refused to discuss it or anything else. So I take that as an answer, being no it wasn't true. 

Then one weekend he asked for some of my "time" meaning sex.  I was having a meltdown of sorts because my job is really stressful, and he just walked away. As he has done numerous times before when ever I needed someone to be there for me.

He expects me to have sex with him but to me it's like a one nite stand & I don't want to have sex with a stranger... I can't read his mind & I am done trying.

Problem is i can't move out til I save some $. So we are just roommates now. But I set up my own room & we work different shifts so I can tolerate it for now.

I give up. I don't get lonely when I am alone but, I feel lonely when I am near him or with him.

[shenanigan247]

I guess I will just give up on this "relationship".

Before I moved in for the 4 th time he was so open & even wrote me letters, was going to counseling. I moved in everything stopped.

So as usual I practically begged for him to go out to eat with me, the whole time he says nothing & acts like he is miserable.

So I ask him if all the things he said & wrote were true. He literally shut me down, refused to discuss it or anything else. So I take that as an answer, being no it wasn't true. 

Then one weekend he asked for some of my "time" meaning sex.  I was having a meltdown of sorts because my job is really stressful, and he just walked away. As he has done numerous times before when ever I needed someone to be there for me.

He expects me to have sex with him but to me it's like a one nite stand & I don't want to have sex with a stranger... I can't read his mind & I am done trying.

Problem is i can't move out til I save some $. So we are just roommates now. But I set up my own room & we work different shifts so I can tolerate it for now.

I give up. I don't get lonely when I am alone but, I feel lonely when I am near him or with him.

[cookiecrumbled]

Hugs... .  I hate he is doing this to you.  It is just MEAN and you didn't do anything to deserve it.  Read as much as you can about detaching.  It will help. 

:'(

Cookie

[shenanigan247]

Thank you

[turtle]

Hi shenanigan247.

Is there ANY way you can get out of that house?  I know you've set up your own room and that's great, but if you could get out of there, things would be better for you.

Is there a friend you could stay with for awhile?

turtle

[cookiecrumbled]

I agree with Turtle.  He is playing a Cat and Mouse game with you and this is real life and we only get one shot at it.  You have to get away and get away for good.  And here I sit pining for mine. 

Why is it that we can see so clearly for others but not ourselves.

[bpdspell]

Hey Shenanigan,

You made a great decision by coming here and being a part of BPD family.    Learn and read a much as you can about this disorder so you can gradually make better decisions for your life and your future ahead of you. BPD is a serious mental illness. It may seem like your ex is purposely punishing you but as you learn more you will realize that this disease plays itself out in a familiar script. This link should help:

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves

More than likely you are in the devaluation stage of the relationship wondering how your relationship turned out to be so lopsided... .  Just know that his behavior isn't about you; it's about his sickness.

Here you will find eerily familiar stories and a community of people who can validate your feelings. You are in good company.  

Spell

[shenanigan247]

I have no one I can stay with, I moved to this city because of him & now I have a good job. I am saving & planning to move near family but it will take awhile... .  

The way I see it, He is the one who is missing out on life... .  but I can't sit around & wait for him to come around again.

I feel that if he cared at all he wouldn't have given up on getting help... now he doesn't even acknowledge his illness.  And he seemed so excited to finally have a name to put to his issues... .  I don't get it. And I no longer want to.

I have been thru the anger stage many times before with him. Now I just give up. Life is short. All I have asked is acknowledgement of his issues or if he cares about me & he always walks away.

Thank you for the support & help!