My Beautiful One is Gone

[GreenMango]

 

[waverider]

 

Look after yourself, keep up T if you have to and keep coming here as we understand what questions will keep running though your mind. By coming here in the first place you showed you cared enough to try and learn more to help him

[Foreverhopefull]

I am so sorry to hear this.

My thoughts and prayers go out for you and your family.

[Surnia]

Oh Chihiro

Yes, what the brain knows is often different from our feelings.

[united for now]

My thoughts and wishes to you and your family 

Coping with suicide is so difficult, for all concerned. A good friend of mine went through it a few years ago. I hope you have good friends to lean on during this time. And I second the advice that you post here as much as you need to. The more support you get, the easier it will be.

 

[Mara2]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my first husband on the same day 24 years ago.  I will be praying for you.

[jumanti]

so so sorry for your loss, sending love and light to you i will remember you in my prayers xxxx

[atcrossroads]

Chihiro,

I can't stop thinking about you and your loss and just want to let you know that I care, we care, about what you are dealing with.  As you grieve, I encourage you to continue posting here for strength and support as well as reaching out to those close to you.   

[artman.1]

Chihiro,

     I feel soo bad for you... .     Life is so stressful while dealing with this horrible disorder, and we see our most loved one hurting so very bad every day.  Please take care of yourself and try to hold off making any changes or dicisions in your life right now.  Waite until you have recovered some.  I know we never fully get over these things and to have it be like this is so much worse.

      With all my LOVE and true sorrow for you at this time of sorrow,   Art

[mitti]

So so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you although I can't even imagine the pain you must feel. I am sure that your H is at peace now on the other side and knows how much you loved him despite the pain he felt.

Be kind to yourself     

[Wishful thinking]

Im so sorry to hear bout happened.

Please accept my condolences.

[Chihiro]

I am really missing him and feeling a lot of regret and pain for not being able to avoid this terrible end. We triggered each other badly that day and he was in a dissociative rage at me when he did it. I also posted about this on the Leaving/Detaching board. His last moments must have been so painful. I was afraid of him that day - he was so out of control. He told me he was the cause of all my pain. Screamed it at me. He went and locked himself in the bedroom, something he had done many times before. He told me to leave him alone. I thought I was giving us time to self soothe. After a few minutes, I knocked, pounded, on the door for him to open it. No sound. I said I would call 911 if he didn't say anything. He didn't and I called but it was too late when the officer got there and kicked in the door.

I was the more "healthy" one, as sick and damaged as I am, and I can't help feeling that I should have, could have done better by him. I feel I failed him, and my children. I also know the darkness in him was overwhelming and it was a battle I couldn't win on my own. But he was fighting it, had been in therapy for nearly 2 1/2 years. I feel that if I could've done better for a little while longer, he would still be here.

[Cardinals in Flight]

Hi Chihiro,

Im so sorry you are hurting so badly, and blaming yourself... .  there was NO WAY for you to know the ending to that particular day, especially given your history.

please try to not be so hard on yourself?  keep on getting  your feelings out, keep on reaching out.

(())

CiF

[DyingLove]

My beautiful husband committed suicide on Monday. My heart is utterly broken. Please pray for him and that he is finally at peace. I loved him so much.

I am so very very sorry Chihiro. My heart dropped and my face itched with tears for you. Reading your subject line did not prepare me for this. May God give you the strength to understand and withstand what has happened. I will certainly pray for you. I would not know how to be so strong had this have been in my life. <3

[elemental]

It's not your fault.

Don't ever believe that. 

[atcrossroads]

It's not your fault.

Don't ever believe that. 

You did your best and could not change or control his depression or disordered/distorted thinking.  Please do not blame yourself.  Praying for you to find peace.   

[Steph]

 When we were dealing with suicidal stuff at our house, my therapist told me " You cannot keep someone alive who does not want to be".

  My husband has talked about those days alot, and  how incredibly painful the illness of BPD truly is. Every day is painful, not only those days when things seem more severe to us. The battle rages on continuously, unless they accept the hard work of help.

  I have lost 2 friends to suicide, and my husband had attempted more than once. Its awful. Its awful to feel that you could have done something, had you known. Remember that you didnt know... and you would have done what ever you could have. You did the right thing.

And I am so, so sorry.

Are there suicide survivors groups in your area? A group like this can help heal from the truly unique pain of losing someone to suicide.

[Auspicious]

Seeing this late - I'm so sorry, Chihiro