TREATMENT: Costs

[BPDFamily.com]

In the last 2 1/2 years this disease has cost us over $12,000. It continues to cost $1,000 US dollars a month bc insurance doesn't cover therapy.

[almostvegan]

In the last 2 1/2 years this disease has cost us over $12,000. It continues to cost $1,000 US dollars a month bc insurance doesn't cover therapy.

[Speedracer]

We are spending a fortune as well. Insurance is covering less, now we have a prescription deductible. Just purchased 30 Abilify pills for $642! $21 a pill! We may be well over $50,000 spent by now in less than 2 yrs, & counting.

Don't forget, in the US, last we filed, you can write off on taxes any health expenses that exceed 7% of your income. Don't forget mileage to & fro. And if a school has professionals trained to treat their condition, tuition & mileage are deductible. Tally it up & keep good records!

[cfh]

Oh I love this one.  Dh and I were just going over $ because we are so in debt so we went back and added up how much we have spent on treatment for BPD son over the last 20 years and dh says it's about $300,000.00

Wow does that mean we are really wealthy?  No just means we kept taking out home equity loans and bigger mortgages. 

We're both 63 and kind of lost our jobs so I guess you would call us retired because the chances of finding work are slim (I know because I was a headhunter!)

So we have our house on the market and we hope that once it's sold we can pay off all our debt.  Ds gets SSD and is on Medicare so that is a help.

Oh! Forgot to mention how much we spent on my nonds who fell apart under the strain of living with BPD brother.  Rehab is a LOT of money.

We love our kids so much but boy are they expensive!

[frustratedmom]

Wow... .  um... .  

Since our dd has a physical condition that is exacerbated by the BPD I will include that money as well - maybe $50,000? And yes, paid for with an equity line of credit... .  20 more years to pay off and I'm 55 with no job... .  right now.

Yikes.

FM

[Someday . . .]

Well, here goes:  $75,000 for McLean (6 weeks), AIM House $60,000, La Selva $25,000, Silver Hill $25,000 (one month), Sierra Tucson $57,000 (one month), Clearview Transitional Living $10,000, Penrith $52,000  . . .there is no way that I'm going to add it up . .way too depressing.  Currently my daughter is planning on signing out of the last facility as she now has a boyfriend and she feels that they need to be a 'real couple' in the 'real world'.  My husband just lost his job and we're not in a place (emotionally or financially) to continue this.  I only wish that my daughter would be more willing to engage in her treatment (and sobriety too). :'(

[Eclaire5]

Oh guys, so sorry to hear how financially difficult all of this has been for most of you. On top of all the stuff we have to deal with, you also have the financial burden. We are German and luckily our system is wonderful when it comes to mental health coverage. Our daughter has been hospitalized three times and we didn't have to pay anything. She also sees her therapist weekly and takes medication, but everything is covered. Yes, we pay taxes out of our ears, but it definitively pays off when you have a child with special needs.

[griz]

Well over $20,000 over and above what the insurance has paid for.  Such a shame that I worked so hard this year and got a wonderful bonus from my boss and it went to pay off debt.  Not a penny spent on myself. 

This just brought back a memory of when DD went for her first evaluation at DBT.  After 2 two hour evaluations they decided that she would be a good candidate and told me that they do not except insurance and asked me if I could afford it.  After being in DBT for about 5 months somehow they credited one of DD visits to a different patients account and I came home from work one day and DD told me she never wanted to go back there again.  I asked her what happened and she told me to listen to the phone messages.  This was the message exactly (I will never forget this message):

Hi Mrs. X - we noticed that DD's bill for last week was not paid.  When you come in today we would appreciate if you would bring a check for this week and last week.  If you can't please let us know because we will not be able to see her.

This after I had been paying them $1250 per month for therapy for over 5 months...   I finally convinced her to go back but the whole way there all she did was vent about the fact that all they cared about was money.  I tried to tell her this wasn't true, but deep inside I knew she was right.

How sad, this is how we treat Mental Illness.

Griz

[eac]

The affordable care act (aka Obamacare) mandates mental health parity beginning in 2014.  This means benefits for mental health must be the same as physical benefits.  So there can be no more limiting of visits!

[Being Mindful]

A different perspective... .  not right or wrong, just different:

My dh and I do not add up the dollars because our daughter is ill. If it were Cancer or Diabetes, we'd do anything, spend anything. We know the emotional and financial toll is big, but she is our daughter and is very ill. Like a major physical illness, we'd do anything to try and save her life. Just like you all have done with your kids. We love them and want them to be well.

[almostvegan]

I agree with you being mindful. I do. I'm sure all of us here do. What makes the financials harder for ME is that there's such stigma attatched to this. It makes it hard to talk about it. It's very hard when we don't have coverage etc.

I didn't by any means mean to sound like I mistake BPD for anything other than an illness. It certainly is and we have thrown all our resources at it as we would if it were something else.

I hope I didn't offend.

Peace

AV

[cfh]

BPD is terribly costly and we have all spent whatever we could to get our kids the best treatment we could afford.

I think it just goes to show that though the REST of the world may see mental illness in a negative light... .  we see it the same as any illness our kid may have. 

If my ds had cancer or BPD I'd live in a one room shack if I thought the money spent could help him live an independent and healthy life.

But I must admit it was kind of liberating to say out loud the money we've spent!  Sometimes when our dark humor kicks in we fantasize about all the exotic places we could have travelled to if ds was not ill. 

In our house a sense of humor is sometimes our only salvation.

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[Being Mindful]

almostvegan, Oh no, I wasn't offended at all and worried that some would be offended by my post. My dh and I just intentionally decided not to add it up. BPD is so confusing as is, because it really, really can take a toll on our personal well-being causing us to be angry at our kids or the BPD. We had to constantly put it into perspective that we'd do the same thing if she was physically ill. It helped us to not cross into places that were not helpful for us... .  but then, some could say we had our heads stuck in the sand.

[MammaMia]

Being mindful... .   

BPD is what it is, a frustrating, sometimes cruel illness.  We all cope (or try to) in different ways, and we do the best we can.  Your perspective is legitimate.  You have done nothing wrong, so stop beating yourself up - it is ok to vent.  We understand.

[Being Mindful]

Being mindful... .   

BPD is what it is, a frustrating, sometimes cruel illness.  We all cope (or try to) in different ways, and we do the best we can.  Your perspective is legitimate.  You have done nothing wrong, so stop beating yourself up - it is ok to vent.  We understand.

Thanks MammaMia!

[MammaMia]

That is EXACTLY what I am talking about.  Yes, it is huge for someone with BPD to even seek treatment and to be blown off by his doctor is inexcusable.  These people are very ill.  I wish your ex had pushed harder, but that is not in their nature.  Just another rejection to them... .  and they walk away, leaving family to pick up the pieces.  Outcome-based care for BPD is not good.  What the heck are we supposed to do?


This is wrong on many levels, and I am so sorry for your pain. 

[maria1]

Yeah but who knows whether he did get blown off by the therapist! That's the problem with the disorder but I do agree. When the system just adds hurdles there is more reason to back away.

He paid for some therapy in the end- then his therapist went off on long term sick for 6 months. I didn't believe him and made him show me the letter! Now I can't help wondering if she said that because she couldn't handle being his therapist and needed a break. Such a shame because he trusted her.

At least we have this place which makes such a difference- I must get round to donating again!

[MammaMia]

Yes... .  this website has literally saved my sanity.  Well... .  most of it.  Ha ha! 

At least we have each other.  Others who truly get it.   Many people do not understand the cruelty of this disease and what it does to families.  My BPD loved one is my 38 year old son, but I am certain my exh was udBPD with ptsd and alcoholism.

I always knew my son was different... .  extremely bright, ultrasensitive and a real loner, but I never expected this.  He was not diagnosed until he was an adult, and as frustrating as BPD has been for those around him, it has been devastating to him.  He wants to live as normally as possible, and most days are a real struggle. 

Thanks for being here.  Take care of yourself and remember to laugh... it is the best medicine... .  AND IT IS FREE! 

[Somewhere]

Keeping some clear accounting on this . . .

Cost from all the crazy stuff (over the years) is well over $100K -- but that is not even maybe recovery.

Recovery -- we are just into this a few months -- Re-Hab for the Eating Disorder -- about $9000 + $5000 for me taking the time off work (we have 3 kids).

Oh, and add another $4000 for some Out Patient Eating Disorder group back last Spring, in time off work for me.

Now, the tab is still running on Therapy that she has been dodging, somewhere between $100 to $150 a week.

But in all that, little to none has been actually directed towards the Borderline Issues -- she got rid of one T who figured it out.

[MammaMia]

Somewhere-

All I can say is OMG!  Of course, that figure does not include the years of mental anguish for you and your family! 

Why is no one addressing the real issue of BPD?   Is she even aware she has it?   If so, she may see an eating disorder as the lesser of two evils and more socially acceptable.  If you involuntarily commit her for BPD treatment, she may or may not cooperate, but someone should be able to treat both conditions.  I am so sorry.

God bless you... .  you are an angel, but even angels get tired of the daily struggles.  Be sure to take care of yourself and the rest of your family... .  you all need to stay healthy for each other. 

[Somewhere]

Somewhere-

All I can say is OMG!  Of course, that figure does not include the years of mental anguish for you and your family!  

Why is no one addressing the real issue of BPD?   Is she even aware she has it?   If so, she may see an eating disorder as the lesser of two evils and more socially acceptable.  If you involuntarily commit her for BPD treatment, she may or may not cooperate, but someone should be able to treat both conditions.  I am so sorry.

She is a Social Worker.  At least has the degree.  EVERYBODY in the industry knows that BPD is the OMG illness.  If you can pretend you do not have it . . . and BPD is all about the mastery of pretending . . . then you MUST NOT have it.  See how simple that is?  

So when one is *just* an addict, one can deal with addiction issues (ONLY) and totally avoid what is driving the addictions.  So whether one is Drinking, Drugging, Cutting, or Eating Disordering (done all of those) . . . those are ALL ONLY addictions -- and that cannot be BPD.  The trick for her is finding T's dumb enough to go along with that.  

===========

Have been looking at some couples therapy.  I look for ones that say DBT, and she refuses any that look competent in BPD.  Real phone conversation with a T goes like this . . .

Somewhere:  Looking for some family/couple therapy, here is some of our background . . . [yada, yada, yada]

T: Stop.  Wait a minute -- Do You Know What You Are Dealing With?

Somewhere:  I have a pretty good idea.

T:  I want you to get a Book called -- Stop Walking . . .

Somewhere: (finishing the sentence) . . . On Eggshells.  By Randi Kreger.

T:  So you know then.  Look, I cannot help her.  She does not want help.  Her stuff is working for her.  I can help you -- at least in figuring out why you have been putting up with this silliness for 10 years . . .

Somewhere:  Thanks, will let you know . . .

God bless you... .  you are an angel, but even angels get tired of the daily struggles.  Be sure to take care of yourself and the rest of your family... .  you all need to stay healthy for each other.  

No really not on the angel part.  But the kids come first.  

[MammaMia]

Yup... .  I get it.  It is fortunate she will even see a therapist.  THAT is a huge achievement in itself.  Mine says his REAL problem is alcohol... .  sober 6 1/2 years now.  BUT all the issues are all still there. 

I absolutely HATE this illness.  Other mental disorders seem to have treatments that can work, meds, etc.

I have been told the meds needed to treat their anxiety and stress can often actually cause someone with BPD to become

manic and totally out of control.  My son tried several and the results were horrible. His rages were more violent and

frightening and he had suicidal ideation constantly which was terrifying.  For him, at least, no meds is the better option. 

The fact the therapist said ":)o you know what you are dealing with?" says it all.  Even DBT is not failproof.  They have to want to get better and work hard at changing the way they think. 

God help us all.

[oglobaith]

Our dd is udBPD.  Here in the UK, at least at the moment, health care is free but I think we would have to fund DBT ourselves if she accepts she needs help.  We have taken a £20,000 loan (payable over the next 5 yrs) to fund the legal battle over residence/contact with our grandchildren. We can see it would be hard to move in the next few years while they are young as they need the stability of our place, but that's the only way we could recoup some of this.  It's hard isn't it, especially when you don't see the end in sight?