Am I bewitched

[nolisan]

My exBPD is a pagan witch (faerie tradition). She became increasing mean, even evil, as our one year r/s devolved.

Three and a half months of no contact I still am f'ed up ( depressed, tired, confused) and am having a hard time getting nack into life.

I am a scientist but really wonder is she is still sending out supernatural stuff. I was always a optimist but am really feeling dark. She loved the darkness, and "loved her daemons". I truly feel that I have been touched by (and slept with) EVIL.

I believe it was a Higher Power that gave me the strength to tell her to GTFO of my life.

[GeekyGirl]

At the very least, you're grieving the end of the relationship.

I'm no expert on theology or the supernatural, so I couldn't say whether you're bewitched or not, but I'd encourage you to look into these feelings of confusion and depression for your own peace of mind. Is there someone you can talk to to help you through this?

[HarmKrakow]

My exBPD is a pagan witch (faerie tradition). She became increasing mean, even evil, as our one year r/s devolved.

Three and a half months of no contact I still am f'ed up ( depressed, tired, confused) and am having a hard time getting nack into life.

I am a scientist but really wonder is she is still sending out supernatural stuff. I was always a optimist but am really feeling dark. She loved the darkness, and "loved her daemons". I truly feel that I have been touched by (and slept with) EVIL.

I believe it was a Higher Power that gave me the strength to tell her to GTFO of my life.

I LOL'ed at your opening post. No you are not bewitched, yes, you led yourself into believe in a fairtayle where you were the main character. Unfortunately that book got closed. And yes, I see this opening post as a sign of your progress!

[benny2]

I think it must be common to have a difficult time getting over these relationships. I often wondered the same thing. I felt as if he had some kind of spell on me. My friends and family would ask me "what kind of a hold does this  man have on you" I have never in my life let a man do the things that he did to me. I can't explain it, but I think maybe it has to do with the fact that they have a way of capturing your heart, and when you least expect it and without warning they break it. You are unprepared, stumped, and left totally in the cold. You just want that beautiful picture of happily ever after back. The fact that they "need" you so much does'nt help either. Everyone wants to feel needed. Its very difficult to leave these people. I finally ended mine with the words, " I have to give up on the happily ever after because it is never going to happen it was all just a dream"

[myself]

And thus it was spoken: "Thou Shall GTFO"

Focusing on past 's will mostly keep you stuck.

What HAS been working to help with your detachment?

[benny2]

I last seen him monday and decided two days later I had break all ties. The friend thing did not work because that led to can I come see you and thus the cycle begins again. Its really only been a few days of NC for me, but it  has been good to hear of and chat with others dealing with the same problems. Although, I have to wonder if this is just one more form of not letting go, but for now its where I am at. At times I feel real positive and good about my decision and others I find myself depressed and lonely. I will say though the missing him thing is getting less and less because this does help remind me of the horrible times spent and not dwell on the wonderful times which were not even real anyways. . Its absolute insanity at its best.

[Rose Tiger]

To the OP, if you do a google seach on Calvary Chapel and see if there is one nearby.  These are easy going, jean wearing bible study churches where the pastor reads the bible scripture by scripture and explains what it means.  I don't think any dark entities can handle that.  It'd be interesting if you try this experiment and see what happens. 

If you really want to drive a dark feeling out, put on some online worship music.  It's like fingernails on a chalkboard to whatever might be dragging you down.  Here's one I found: www.nwrnetwork.com/listen/player.asp?station=ktlf-fm Leave it playing on your computer while you leave the house.  You'll come home to a whole new energy.

[waitaminute]

Bewitched is a good term to describe this feeling. Might as well be. Before psychology understood this illness, I'm sure that people used these terms... .  possessed and bewitched to describe the BPD and the non.

Actually in my case, with my exBPDgf being very psychic and capable of communicating across time and space, she has pushed her energy in my direction at times. Also... .  When I left and went back to my non ex wife, ex wife had some very bad vibes occasionally. I knew where they were coming from. But ex wife is spiritually strong. So whatever BPDex was selling, normal ex wife wasn't buying.

[charred]

I think Cursed would be the right word... .  we just haven't used it.

You are not alone.

[Mountaineagle]

My mother visited me and my ex briefly this fall. She only stayed one night and the next in a hotel. She told me later that she had seen dark shadows moving above her over the bed and the next morning she had been sick and had thrown up. That was why she spent the next night at a hotel. It is not normal for my mom to do that. The air was really heavy in house at the end, another visitor commented on it to me. She said it was suffocating. I think it is much we dont know about energies, but I also think that it is not in our realm to know. You said that a higher power helped you. Trust in it to help you further in the healing as well. I know in my heart I got helped by god. Thank your higher power for getting you out it, that is love in its purest form.

[Changed4safety]

I definitely think there are energies that we manifest, both positive and negative.  I think all of us have gone into a house and felt warm and comforted, or conversely been in a place that made us feel antsy.  Sometimes you get that vibe off people for no reason you can tell.

Keep your own thoughts as kind and compassionate as possible, especially to yourself.  Whenever you find your thoughts going to hate or darkness or revenge, without dishonoring them (they're there for a reason) try to practice mindfulness.  Be aware of them and try to step back from the feelings--listen to what they're telling you without falling headlong into the emotional whirlpool.  Help others.  Sage has long been a purifier, but I think other smells that have good associations for you work too.  Make your environment nurturing and clean and healthy. 

Anything negative needs shadows to flourish.  Surround yourself with things good and wholesome and positive, and you'll starve it. 

[nolisan]

And thus it was spoken: "Thou Shall GTFO"

Focusing on past 's will mostly keep you stuck.

What HAS been working to help with your detachment?

Thanks for the reality pill!

What has been working?

1. (the big one!) NO CONTACT for almost 4 months - one day at a time  and it get easier every day.

2. I have reengaged with friends that love me for who I really am - a good guy.

3. I have also doubled up with my spiritual work (meditation and prayer) - my higher power will never walk out on me. There is a BIG spiritual lesson in this relationship. I am looking at love very differently now.

4. I had a "fun" date today with a normal woman - I was honest that I am still healing from a tough r/s - no expectations.

5. We saw the movie "Life of Pi" - there was some very healing symbolism. My date asked me why all the tears. When I told her she complemented me on my ability to feel and be vulnerable with her.

6. That felt good. I'll be a good partner when I am ready. The BPD experience has already made me a better man and human being.


7. Time ... .  the great healer!

[benny2]

I agree with you totally. Everyday it seems I am missing him less and less. He has been in and out of my life for many years, so it is hard to imagine NEVER seeing or speaking to him again, but it is nessesary. I tried the dating thing and I'm just not ready yet, although, he has never really been out of my life until now, so maybe in time I can go on. I'm not giving up on love. I also believe in a higher spirit and I prayed for answers as to why this man keeps doing this to me. The very  next day I came across a forum, totally on accident about borderline. I got my answers. I now know none of it was my fault and that does help, but I also know now there is no hope for a normal relationship with him, and that does hurt. I have a tendency to some how draw these types of men. All 3 of the relationships I have had in my life were with men that had abuse in their childhood and issues because of it. I think that will be my first question when I do meet someone, did you have a happy childhood?