Should I date if I know I'm not over the hurt of my PBD ex?

[SarahinMA]

I know I need to move on; I have realized for a while now how toxic the relationship was; how cruel he was to me in the end (out of nowhere); how he tried to manipulate me, even after we had broken up.  I considered a friendship with him, but that didn't work.   He played victim and blamed everything on me.  He and his friends smeared me.  I get all this... .  

I still dream about him because I was the happiest I had ever been.  He was so good at mirroring me.  He even admitted to always telling me what I wanted to hear.  I still get sad and angry and hurt. 

I could post this question on another breakup forum, but I'm not sure others will get it; get the pain we all went through.  This has not been like any other breakup.  Maybe it's because I'm 30 now and I really thought he was the One.  It's been over a year since we broke up with about 3-4 months of NC.  I still miss "him" all the time, but I feel like it's time to get back out there.  Is it fair to date others, knowing I'm not over the hurt?  My guard is way up.  I want to be ready and at times, I feel like I am, but others, my thoughts go back to the insanity that was my relationship with him. 

[SarahinMA]

Ooops... .  I meant BPD (in title).

[Changed4safety]

What is your non-dating social life like?  For me, the breakup is very recent, and I know I'm not over him.  I've joined a lot of Meet-ups and various singles sites, only the ones that give you the option of "looking for friends."  I'm new in this town so I know no one, I am also a natural introvert AND I freelance so I work at home.  I'm forcing myself to be social, to get used to it again.  To get used to chitchatting with the opposite sex while I continue to do work on myself. 

Because I do NOT want to go through this again, I have chosen to keep things purely on a friendship level, seeking both sexes for company and friendship.  I would suggest if you were very isolated in your time with the exBPD, you start gathering back your friends (if you are like most of us, you and your ex alienated them to some degree) and get used to being "out there with yourself."  Then graduate to places where you don't know people, not with the idea of dating, but with the idea of just learning how to connect with people again.  And see how that feels before you start dating.

My two cents, I am not use, other disclaimers apply.   

[hithere]

If you don't feel ready to date then don't.  You can still browse online dating sites, make a list of qualities you are look for and most importantly work on yourself.