A day from hell has helped me to detach

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

The other day I found a journal that I kept for one day and would like to let you know how this has helped me to detach.  I always looked at our relationship through rose colored glasses and only remember the good - but this one day I took notes on how the day went.  I totally forgot about the misery and this note to myself was a Godsend to help me take off those glasses.  This was my wifes B-day.

1. My wife wanted B-king for breakfast so I was going to get it.  As I prepared to leave she got pissed and said we wouldn't have time (we had an hour) So I ended up not going to get it.

2. My wife didn't want to goto church - I said that was fine the girls and I would go and she could stay home since it was her B-day.  She got pissed saying people would talk about her if she didn't go (she ended up going but was upset the whole day)

3. The sermon was about trusting God - at this time our relationship was going black (before I knew about BPD) I asked her if we were going to trust God to get us through what we were going through - her answer "I can't find God"

4. We went for a bike ride after lunch - the first part went good then I mentioned how I had a good time at the district softball game the other day - she was pissed that I had a good time and started arguing - we rode home seperately.

5. All she wanted for her B-day was to be left alone - and she wanted to cry all day long (that;s what she told me)

6. That night we got in a big fight because I asked her why she had such hatred towards me - she said it was because I never shut up

7. That night we went out with another couple who were our friends - I was going to tell a joke and she completly shot me down and made me feel like a fool.

My thoughts for the day - she hates me and has no love for me - the only time she was happy was when she made me feel bad or sad.

That note I found 5 months latter helped me to detach - so I would suggest for any of you trying to detach - maybe write down a day or two.  Then when we suffer from the loss of the relationship bring that note out and remember the bad also instead of just wearing the rose colored glasses.

[cal644]

The other day I found a journal that I kept for one day and would like to let you know how this has helped me to detach.  I always looked at our relationship through rose colored glasses and only remember the good - but this one day I took notes on how the day went.  I totally forgot about the misery and this note to myself was a Godsend to help me take off those glasses.  This was my wifes B-day.

1. My wife wanted B-king for breakfast so I was going to get it.  As I prepared to leave she got pissed and said we wouldn't have time (we had an hour) So I ended up not going to get it.

2. My wife didn't want to goto church - I said that was fine the girls and I would go and she could stay home since it was her B-day.  She got pissed saying people would talk about her if she didn't go (she ended up going but was upset the whole day)

3. The sermon was about trusting God - at this time our relationship was going black (before I knew about BPD) I asked her if we were going to trust God to get us through what we were going through - her answer "I can't find God"

4. We went for a bike ride after lunch - the first part went good then I mentioned how I had a good time at the district softball game the other day - she was pissed that I had a good time and started arguing - we rode home seperately.

5. All she wanted for her B-day was to be left alone - and she wanted to cry all day long (that;s what she told me)

6. That night we got in a big fight because I asked her why she had such hatred towards me - she said it was because I never shut up

7. That night we went out with another couple who were our friends - I was going to tell a joke and she completly shot me down and made me feel like a fool.

My thoughts for the day - she hates me and has no love for me - the only time she was happy was when she made me feel bad or sad.

That note I found 5 months latter helped me to detach - so I would suggest for any of you trying to detach - maybe write down a day or two.  Then when we suffer from the loss of the relationship bring that note out and remember the bad also instead of just wearing the rose colored glasses.

[Rose Tiger]

What a day!  Sheesh, I remember some days like that, too.  I don't have a journal but I do have old emails.  I have a few saved in their own folder, the ones where I am trying to explain how I feel and he is slamming me.  They did help when I started losing resolve about detaching.  So many circular pointless conversations, ugh.

[cal644]

They go on and on... .  it's funny I couldn't figure out how or why I went Black.  But other days it would be you never ask me how my day went (which was a lie) I would call her 2-3 times a day just to see how things were going.  But then that's how I was controlling because she was busy (busy texting the other guy 100 times a day) Then the next day I would ask how did your day go and in return can't you just leave me alone - all you do is jump on me when I get home.  Left me scratching my head - Thank God for my theropist and this website to help me understand what the hell was going on.

[Changed4safety]

Oh man, is this familiar.  Throw in punched walls and my ex demanding I buy something for him and you have my relationship... .  

[gina louise]

Changed4safety,

My HUSBAND also demanded that I buy things for him when I had NO money-had to charge it-and he was working for a six figure income. Anything from ordinary (socks) to very pricey-a hundred dollar toaster of all things! He was very badgering in this gimme gimme mode-as though he was driven to poke poke poke me until he got his way. Like a five year old.

If I was reluctant he would use my hesitation as proof that I was not "into the r/s."



GL