Dump her! Yesterday already. She's not working at all, clearly. You'll find a much better T.
Are you guys sure? Is this all in my head? I mean it seems like she might be helping but I just don't know if her being inconsistent is some new technique? I mean she said she was new there... .
I think I might just be paranoid... . I've been saying some off the wall things in there. I know Im self conscious right now. I did tell her I was worried I could be narcissistic and she told me that i wasn't. I know too much about dsm from researching psychology and BPD and my uncle and aunt are both phd psychologists and run their own clinic... .
I cant afford a really expensive therapist right now... it is at the community center. I was worried inititally that she might not be able to help me... . but I feel like I need a really really smart therapist (well maybe smart is not the right word, just knowledgeable about my predicament) . Is that narcissistic of me? I just don't want to have a therapist that can't tolerate the fact that I have issues with my intelligence and then when they talk about therapies I already know about a lot of the terminology and relationship dynamics because I have read several books and learned a lot by being in a rs with someone whose mentally ill. I have math and philosophy degrees and figure I may have been more driven to understand this disorder than a psychology phd student (as my uncle) I talked to him about how he handled recognizing dysfunctional behavior in himself and others and he says radical acceptance... . My uncle is a child psychologist and just mentioned to me that most of his peers wouldn't treat the disorder, but that he has... .
Here are some of the things my uncle said to me:
"Well, why would you want to be strong enough to be in a rs with someone with BPD? Its a personal choice, but do you really want to keep a number on the fridge for suicide hotlines, and always be on alert?"
Then he says "You know, most people would probably just think that she is a "bad person" and move on... . most people wouldn't care enough to understand... . "
Then he says "You know, you can spend a really long time fixing a bike... . and it might never get fixed... . you can read manuals, go to the store, ask for help... . and you can try and try... . but why not just get a new bike, if you can someday afford one?"
Anyways, he used a lot of great metaphors to try and steer me in a more positive and healthy direction... . of course he is my uncle... . I didnt talk to him for my entire life because my hfBPD (w/NPD traits) mother told us he was a pedophile and made fun of him... . later on in life, I talk to him and he is a kind and sweet old man who told me that him and my aunt had words for my mother on her parenting of me and my sister and my mom must have painter him black... .
Ive had one T tell me my mom might be NPD< and my uncle agreed my mom could be hfBPD... .
I mean everybody has tendencies that can be explained by psychology... so maybe I am just paranoid about the therapist and worried she has an issue with my intelligence... . my exwBPD most definitely had an issue with that... . it was 3 years in to our relationship when she realized that i was "really really smart" heh. I just can't believe i spent so much time with her and she didn't know that about me... . it was really shocking.
I feel that Im always the "smart guy" and its not a good feeling. i guess I really liked being with the ex because she seemed to appreciate me for who i am... not what i am (labeled smart since birth). Little did I know that she didnt care about such things. She was pretty well spoken and polite, not a rocket scientist by any means, but I didnt care about that... . im not exclusive like that!
I always had pretty simple rules for friends... . namely that they wern't racist and that they treated people kindly and without violence... .
My exwBPD wasnt racist she treated people kindly without violence... . untill you got close. Then it was human punching bag time.
Best,
Stoic
