BPD and fantasy

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I've discussed on here with some others about how my BPDex used to feel that love in the movies is real and got caught up in the fantasy of it all.

One thing I've notice a lot of people post is that the pwBPD in their life, took a great interest in star signs, tarot cards and things like that.

Now I know a lot of nons believe in things like that, and that's fine, everyone has their beliefs, but it seems stronger in pwBPD

Mine used to base her life decisons on it, if her tarot card indicated that her S/O (me) was in someway bad for example, her BPD behavior was worse for a week or so.

Or If it would say that 'the love of her life would enter her life this month' she would be quite distant with me, as if she is looking for him.

I was wondering if anyone else had experiance like this?

[trevjim]

I've discussed on here with some others about how my BPDex used to feel that love in the movies is real and got caught up in the fantasy of it all.

One thing I've notice a lot of people post is that the pwBPD in their life, took a great interest in star signs, tarot cards and things like that.

Now I know a lot of nons believe in things like that, and that's fine, everyone has their beliefs, but it seems stronger in pwBPD

Mine used to base her life decisons on it, if her tarot card indicated that her S/O (me) was in someway bad for example, her BPD behavior was worse for a week or so.

Or If it would say that 'the love of her life would enter her life this month' she would be quite distant with me, as if she is looking for him.

I was wondering if anyone else had experiance like this?

[Tormenta]

Hi, trevjim

Not so intense as your ex but mine is gemini and he used to say that that´s the cause that is acts like this, that he is gemini so he has two personalities: the   and the 

He was convinced that that was the cause of his behaviour... .  

where do you think it´s the connection between the BPD and believing this? You think it´s that there is a lot of fantasy and inner world, isn´t it?

OK, another: he was sure that there is a strong and true relation between the full moon and the people´s behaviour.

[GustheDog]

I have also observed many stories here from people describing similar things in their pwBPD in terms of astrology, spirituality, being a strict adherent of a given religion, etc.

My exBPDgf did not fit this mold in any way, however.  She was a staunch empiricist, and she often scoffed at or belittled subjects of a spiritual or "supernatural" nature.

Then again, she scoffed at and belittled just about anything - it was kind of like her hobby.

[duncanville1]

Its just distorted thinking, I called it her "magical thinking". If things were supposed to be then they just would be that way... .  

[GustheDog]

Its just distorted thinking, I called it her "magical thinking". If things were supposed to be then they just would be that way... .  

Yes - I think this is on point.

Mine had/has an image of what her life is supposed to look like.  She does not understand that her own decisions impact whether this future image is realized or not.  For example, she pursued a career in public-interest, government work.  She also has Nieman-Marcus tastes (putting it lightly).

When she finds herself living in a moldy, basement apartment, and overextending herself just to stay on top of bills/rent/groceries/etc., this does not square with the image of what her life should look like.  And, most significantly, such conflict between her fantasy and her reality will always be someone else's fault.

[Willingtolearn]

My exBPDgf use to live in a "fantasy world" She use to come out with ridiculous stories about what she had done at certain times. They where obviously lies but it just made her feel more important and like she had an interesting life. 

I suppose that is quite common in BPD?

[trevjim]

When she finds herself living in a moldy, basement apartment, and overextending herself just to stay on top of bills/rent/groceries/etc., this does not square with the image of what her life should look like.  And, most significantly, such conflict between her fantasy and her reality will always be someone else's fault.

Yep, when we struggled with our first time moving in together, she always blamed me for not giving her the life her friends and mum had, she always put me down that i didnt have the high flying job other men had, i tried my best and worked long hours, but she wanted this fantasy 'desperate housewife' lifestyle that not everyone has. she worked hard at her job but she wanted to be a stay at home mum, which is fair enough, however sometimes in life you dont get what you want and she didnt seem to accept that.

[GustheDog]

When she finds herself living in a moldy, basement apartment, and overextending herself just to stay on top of bills/rent/groceries/etc., this does not square with the image of what her life should look like.  And, most significantly, such conflict between her fantasy and her reality will always be someone else's fault.

Yep, when we struggled with our first time moving in together, she always blamed me for not giving her the life her friends and mum had, she always put me down that i didnt have the high flying job other men had, i tried my best and worked long hours, but she wanted this fantasy 'desperate housewife' lifestyle that not everyone has. she worked hard at her job but she wanted to be a stay at home mum, which is fair enough, however sometimes in life you dont get what you want and she didnt seem to accept that.

This is on all fours with my experience - down to the "desperate housewives" analogy.  Her favorite TV show was actually "Real Housewives of [insert one of the 5 highest cost-of-living metropolitan areas in U.S.]."

I've got a very good job - just not good enough for her.  We went her friend's wedding together, which, when all was said and done, must have cost close to a million dollars.  She indicated that she wanted a similar wedding.  I asked, "How?"  She didn't get it.  Nor could she understand that, even if I could afford such a wedding (which is itself a fantasy), I still might not think it a wise "investment."

Being incredibly spoiled as a child AND having BPD . . . it's like crack for her sense of entitlement.  In her mind, she shouldn't have to think these things through based on "the facts" - rather, things should just be delivered to her when and how she wants them.

[trevjim]

Haha mine used to watch desperate housewives and real housewives as well, I didn't think much of it at the time as they are popular shows with nons aswell.

Yup I remember looking at weddings after we got engagded, the ideas she put forward where so out of the question financialy.

Crazy holiday ideas, it seems she had no idea of finance. Weather this was anything to do with BPD I'm not sure

[GustheDog]

Weather this was anything to do with BPD I'm not sure

I think that a good part of it is the BPD.  You and I might wish we had certain things (material items, popularity, recognition, physical attributes, etc.) that we don't, and while we might work to get closer to these ideals in some cases (if they're important enough to us), we know that the "ideal" is just that - something unobtainable under our individual life circumstances.

My ex could not do either of these things.  She could not appreciate that some things are out of reach (for whatever reasons), nor could she work towards an ideal while realizing that the ideal itself wouldn't ever be obtained.  For instance, I'm inspired by many Supreme Court Justices.  That's my dream job.  But I know I'll never sit on that high court, and I'm fine with that.  However, I've also worked hard to get the best education I could obtain and ascend the ranks of my profession to the best of my ability.  I'm happy with the outcome, and even if it falls short of the ideal, it's closer than I would be had I not been inspired by the ideal and moved in that direction.

If I had my ex's thinking, I'd believe that I should be President of the World and that I also really shouldn't have to do anything in order to get there.  And the fact that I'm *not* POTW is purely someone else's fault - someone's holding me back, or sabotaging me, or giving others opportunities that were meant for me, etc.

I guess this is pretty "N" of her, actually, in the sense that it's grandiose.  But it didn't have to be grandiose.  It's just that, if she wanted it, she should have it - irrespective of whether "it" was practical or even possible.

[gettingoverit]

Its just distorted thinking, I called it her "magical thinking". If things were supposed to be then they just would be that way... .  

LOL... ya me too. "If it's meant to be that way, then it will be". One of her favourite lines. My ex believed in the magical thinking as well, looking for her perfect mate/relationship. Believing hollywood movies are real and that she can find her hollywood ending. It's rather comical now that I think about it.

[LuckyEscapee]

Mine talked to aliens in his sleep . Haha and I labelled that 'quirky'!

Gosh, sometimes it feels like it all must have happened to someone else.

What on earth was I thinking 

[Clearmind]

Trevjim, BPDs live in a state of fantasy – a distorted reality.  What is real for you may not be real for them.

Was your relationship with her based in reality or fantasy? Why did you attach to a Borderline? Turn this around and concentrate on you.

[apple]

I've discussed on here with some others about how my BPDex used to feel that love in the movies is real and got caught up in the fantasy of it all.

One thing I've notice a lot of people post is that the pwBPD in their life, took a great interest in star signs, tarot cards and things like that.

Now I know a lot of nons believe in things like that, and that's fine, everyone has their beliefs, but it seems stronger in pwBPD

Mine used to base her life decisons on it, if her tarot card indicated that her S/O (me) was in someway bad for example, her BPD behavior was worse for a week or so.

Or If it would say that 'the love of her life would enter her life this month' she would be quite distant with me, as if she is looking for him.

I was wondering if anyone else had experiance like this?

Mine has read all the Nicholas sparks books and watched the movies along with the fantasy bachelorette show, the kardashians and thinks love and life is that way.

It really shows her emotional depth and age psychologically.