I got an "I'm sorry but this is the end" FB msg - I cried, then laughed...

[lipstick]

Hi gang,

I'll give a brief backstory on my uBPDex. Was my high-school sweetheart. Reunited after 27 years thru Facebook. I fell for all of the B.S... Left my husband of 17 years, believed BPDex's lies about getting divorced (his spouse is also BPD), moved in with him this past July. He dumped me at the beginning of October and went back to his nutter of a spouse.

Anyway - I recently sent a FB msg. asking him to please cancel a service that he had purchased for me. I wanted to take over the billing / service so that we would have no more "ties". I wished him well at the end of the msg., told him I loved him and to take care.

He responds the next day with how great it was to hear from me, but that he was "obligated" to his family to try and make his marriage work (25 years of nuthouse fun!). Now mind you - she is violent and alcoholic. He is nuts and alcoholic.    They have tried all types of counseling over the years. Nothing works because they each think the other is to blame! LOL!

Anyway - he tells me that he can no longer have an "underground" relationship. Can't message me thru FB. Can't contact me in any way as none of that would be "above board". And for me to please let him try to give this life an "honest try". Then closes with "I'm sorry but this has to be the end."

I have to be honest here - I cried! A lot! That hurt like hell. But then I started to laugh. I realized something that I had learned from being on this site. Actions speak louder than words. He wants no contact with me? Well, if that's the case - why didn't he immediately block me on FB and make it impossible for me to reach him? Why? Well, because he has to be able to "keep tabs" on me in case there is a future need.

I often wonder if BPD is seasonally related. He started this same "I have to be the example in my family" crapola about this same time last year. Then started a "needy" phase around April. I guess it's true. The disorder always wins. Sad.

[trouble11]

Hi gang,

I'll give a brief backstory on my uBPDex. Was my high-school sweetheart. Reunited after 27 years thru Facebook. I fell for all of the B.S... Left my husband of 17 years, believed BPDex's lies about getting divorced (his spouse is also BPD), moved in with him this past July. He dumped me at the beginning of October and went back to his nutter of a spouse. The disorder always wins. Sad.

OMG ... .  same story same timeline ... .  here's my version. Scared to ask but ... .  How crazy is this?

I'll give a brief backstory on my uBPDex. Was my high-school sweetheart. Reunited after 23 years thru Reunion. I fell for all of the B.S... Left my business, home, and friends, believed BPDex's lies about getting divorced (his spouse is also BPD), moved in with him this past July. He dumped me at the middle of October and went back to his ex girlfriend (as ex spouse is currently dating someone)

The disorder always wins. Sad.

[LuckyEscapee]

Yes sometimes I chuckle at how predictable my exBPDbf is, this site is like knowing the future. Forewarned is forearmed 

How the heck does two pwBPD work out? It was bad enough with one! Does two mean twice the drama, or do they cancel each other out? Intrigued.

[FollowingBliss]

Anyway - he tells me that he can no longer have an "underground" relationship. Can't message me thru FB. Can't contact me in any way as none of that would be "above board". And for me to please let him try to give this life an "honest try". Then closes with "I'm sorry but this has to be the end." [/quote

This was my experience as well. I received a message similar to this, and then a song link to say "goodbye."  Nevermind he already said "goodbye" about 50 times earlier. . I guess this time

he means it.  Mine won't block me on facebook either. This could be to keep the door open, or it could

be to showboat. How are you doing? 

[lipstick]

LuckyEscapee,

Sorry I've taken so long to reply. How do two BPD get along? Well - to be blunt - they don't. She is violent and alcoholic. Physically abuses him. Broke his nose, rammed his vehicle, knocked him off of a barstool in a crowded restaurant (because he gave his second "two for one" drink to someone else and not her!). He claims that he stays in the marriage because he has an obligation to his family. Personally, I think it's because no one in the family wants to deal with his crazy-ass spouse.

He did admit to me finally that he probably could never divorce her as she would never stop, never leave us alone, always harass, etc... I think I started to see how weak he was at that point. She acts out in public, then when they get home, it's ON between them. Fighting. Their sex life ended about thirteen years ago. She is much older than he is. He'll be fifty next month. She's sixty-two. He'll never leave that marriage. However - do I believe him when he sends me a message telling me "this is the end"? Nope. If he was serious about never speaking / seeing me again - he would have followed thru with blocking me completely. I've actually begged him to do it because I couldn't. He won't. He also refused to comply with my request to cancel a service of mine that he's been paying for. Won't drop the connections to me. It would keep him from being able to "spy" on me thru Facebook!