OUCH: Just saw my exgf on Match.com

[wb1233]

I decided I was going to go online to see the dating pool, and what I have to look forward to, in this new place I find myself. Forced singleness. I did the normal stuff and filled out a quick profile for free  browsing. Well, I filted it so I could see who was currently online and lo and behold it was my beautiful uBPDexgf. Needless to say, reality was staring at me in the face. It almost seemed sureal. It was as if this was the next shoe to drop. I felt so hurt. The pit in my stomach came back. The one that I have become so familiar with. We actually match up perfectly, except that my age doesn't fit her any more.

I reminded myself of all the negative things and what her new victims will likely face. It helped a bit.

I forced my self to look at it many times and read her profile. I was forcing myself to take the red pill. This is my reality. She is moving on. This was a painful confirmationof that. I've been here before. Same thing happened after divorcing for hBPDexwf. It's painful. It hurts. But, I knew I had to put my "big boy pants on". The only thing is that you look kind of silly with them on when you're crying.

It gets better. I know this. Once the red pill(radical acceptance) takes effect.

BTW the she posted that she's looking for a "hot Christian guy". Although this describes me, this is almost an oxymoron. Anyone responding to that is hardly humble and almost telegraphs "narcissists apply within". A Match made in heaven.

[wb1233]

P.S.

Please post. I covet them. Still hurting.

[Phoenix.Rising]

I experienced the same event... finding my ex on an online dating site.  It hurt me as well.  This is painful, but this too shall pass.  The letting go and grieving is a slow process for me, and it hasn't been linear.  Some days it is very intense, and other days I feel fine.  It takes time.

One thing that helps me a lot with accepting that they tend to move on almost immediately after an break-up, where oftentimes we are left feeling like being with someone else is the very last thing on our minds, is the fact that they are so empty inside and need to have another person to interact with and mirror.

Of course, if they chose to get some help, they wouldn't have to continue the cycle, but my ex does not want any help.  Moving on so quickly is like a emotional survival act for them.  They feel like they will die without it.  Take care.

[Apple white]

I sympathise so much with you.  I found my ex on straight dating sites as well as bisexual, swingers and those for CD/TV/TG's.  I didn't even know what these abbreviations meant!  It makes you sick to the core.

Just as I think I'm making progress with my recovery... .  bang! Something else appears.  I have accepted that he's out of my life now for good and I have detached emotionally. I still have a long long way to go with myself but finding these things still hurts so very much.  Is it anger? Our pride? I don't know, it knocks me to the floor again.

[lost007]

If she is borderline she would say she's only on the site to see if you are on the site! That's what mine told me, only she was on the site while we were still a couple. I wasn't on one at all. Projection?