I am sorry for this loss trevjim.
In some states, step-parents can get visitation, have you considered consulting an attorney on this?
I know the pain of losing a child when you have no choice - it really is heartbreaking. I know this isn't about responsibility - it is about love.
My only advice is to consult with an attorney to see if visitation is at all possible.
Best,
SB
I am from UK, I dont believe i have any legal standings on the matter as i never adopted him. Maybe thats a blessing in disguise as it only gives me one road to go down and that is to move on :'(