So is this cranking the heat up on me or just him wanting other women to talk to

[Chattgirl]

I'm not really sure what's going on here but I will try to explain it. Last week my bp and I had an argument because he will not talk about or allow me to have any feelings. It got too emotional. After that my bp would not say I love you when I would he would grunt so I quit too. Then on Tuesday he came and ate lunch with me at work he was still unregulated a bit. When I went back into work I said txt me this afternoon and stuff ill be real busy but maybe after work ill come over. Well I kept waiting all evening for a txt. NONE. I have been setting boundaries with him and I don't think it's going very good. I had his fb connected to my phone so if he reactivated it I would know. I didn't think he knew this but he may have. Anyway because I didn't txt him he sent his ex a message on fb. He says he did this to bust me spying on him on fb but the deal was when we got back together I was to have all those passwords. So of course him contacting a FEMALE again for like time number fifteen is not acceptable. We have not talked but just in txt since then. He immediately deactivated the page after that . I guess to show me he wasn't talking to her. I think he contacted her to make me call and beg to him because he wanted me to be the one to call him all evening from work. I could be wrong though it could just be impulsive crapt. Two days later he responded to a sex add on an Internet site and I caught him thru email. He gave her his number. I have not let on that I saw this . We have still not talked. Last night he opened fb back up. Came thru my phone by his email . I have not let on. I am not sure but I think he knows that I know this email and may be trying to crank the fire under me to call or beg him. IM NOT DOING IT THIS TIME. What I told him is that I would not have anything else to do with him until he shows me his phone record . I think of course he's been talking to these women. He said ok IM DONE. He won't show it to me so it's back to silence. He said before the silence that he hadn't talked to no one but he wouldn't answer when i asked about texts. He's hiding something. I'm not sure if he's just doing his normal junk of impulsiveness or if he's trying to up the ante on me because he's aware that I am seeing this stuff. He changed all his other passwords on me but not his email for some strange reason.

It still has the same password everything else used to have.  STRANGE! Trying to make me give in. The post he responded to is the most dreadful part of it all. He's 49 . The post was for favors from a 20 year old virgin girl in a wheelchair. This just made me so angry. I hope this stuff was done to up the ante on me because he's getting desperate not because he's wanting other women again. I just hope most of this is for looks and that nothing's going on. However he never ceases to amaze me what he will do.

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[inepted]

I feel like my SO with BPD is doing something similar. Immediately after we decided to take a break, she jumped online looking for new 'friends'. I said okay, cool you do that, let me know how that goes. I tried to be genuinely interested and showed support for her wanting to branch out and meet new people, seeing as she really doesnt have any friends beside me.

However this wasn't the reaction she was hoping for I think. So she took it one step further and started going out and innocently hanging out with them, like grabbing a cup of coffee or going out for lunch. Again, I didn't give her the satisfaction of getting jealous. Now she's even taken it one step further to completely ignoring me at night, devoting all her attention to her new friends, staying up until 2am talking to these people, completly ignoring everyone who cares about her right now. Last night I finally had enough, and decided to simply ignore any more of her games until she comes to me.

Or maybe I'm making a mistake... .  she has me second guessing everything I do. Idono. All I know is I can say I know how you feel.

[almost789]

I think its both Chatgirl and inepted. Mine played these games too. I think they do it to get under your skin  and to make new friends. These new friends are very fleeting theyre just using them while their on the outs with you most likely. After taking all this games playing from them you will start to become their 'whipping boy' You will be the one they take out all their frustrations on and these new ' friends' get your old fun loving bf or gf.

[Grey Kitty]

Your situation sounds terrible to live with.  Sorry it is going this way.

I'm not completely clear on your story. It sounds he has been unfaithful previously and you have set a boundary and he is testing it.

Remember that a good boundary is one that you can enforce without his help.

Having to snoop into his private communications to check on him just sounds wretched to me. That is in addition to needing his cooperation.

How can we help and support you in this?