Blackmail?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Please, before anyone gets upset or gives me the lecture about how not all borderlines are the same... .  I know that.  I am not trying to lump or anything here.

However, my therapist says that there ARE things that borderlines do that ARE part of the pathology of it all... .  like not telling the truth, being late, turning everything onto them, etc.

So, just from that aspect - do borderlines tend to resort to blackmail?

[sheepdog]

Please, before anyone gets upset or gives me the lecture about how not all borderlines are the same... .  I know that.  I am not trying to lump or anything here.

However, my therapist says that there ARE things that borderlines do that ARE part of the pathology of it all... .  like not telling the truth, being late, turning everything onto them, etc.

So, just from that aspect - do borderlines tend to resort to blackmail?

[JonnyJon42]

Im sure some do if they feel it will lead to them getting what they want on the same note though some do things thinking it will get them what they want then it just makes things worse.


I would say its up to the kind of person they are BPD aside.

[GreenMango]

Desperate people will do desperate things. 

[wanttoknowmore]

Look at the past record of your BPD to assess the risk of blackmail. How they reacted after break up and what they did to their Ex. This wil give you a rough idea about potential risk. Each BPD has her/his patterns of behavior post break up and that is more or less repeated in next break up.

[broken but not beaten]

Hi sheepdog,my uBPDxgf threatened blackmail with me at work,personally I felt it was a control thing as she expected me to up and leave and I also tried moving on,fortunately they were empty threats however it wasn't nice at the time

[waitaminute]

Mine threatened but really didnt have anything to blackmail me on. But she probably would have in her mental chaos when I said goodbye.

[SurvivedLove]

I don't know if they tend to retort to blackmail.

My ex tends to do some other really creepy things though.

He's been keeping an eye on me, he's watching every move I make, everything I say and do and it's really unpleasant to be aware of.

He'll poke my friends and ask them questions about me, about the people I hang out with, chat with, do things with ingame (we play World of Warcraft).

As late as 30 minutes ago he pulled that trick on a friend of mine, acting all sorts of paranoid because a guy named Tim and I had been having some laughs in our chat, making random Harry Potter related remarks about Voldemort, He Who Shall Not Be Named etc. - and the ever present ex started asking my friend if we were talking about him and blasi blasi. My friend tried to get him off her case by saying that we were just being goofy, and then he started on the usual "Oh it's so good to see her forge new bonds" and yada yada... .  just like I've seen him do before, last year after our break up.

I get angry when he does that. One thing is KNOWING that he's keeping an eye on me. But when he makes sure to question my close online friends, knowing that they are very likely to tell ME about it, then I know it's a purposeful act on his behalf and THAT is what ticks me off. I am minding MY business, doing MY thing and I really have no need for him butting in in any way, shape or form. It makes me feel sick, physically, like I have to throw up.

Tonight I had enough and I wrote him an email, telling him that if he doesn't butt out of my life, stop yapping at my friends and stop nosing in my business, he IS going to regret it.

My friends got angry at me. They logged off and to me, it feels like they don't understand. The email was about securing my privacy and my mental health in a world free of him. And I think they have a hard time understanding that, because they aren't in my shoes. They told me to not act in anger. To that, I could only reply that it wasn't a reaction out of anger, it was a reaction of selfpreservation,  standing up for myself and having had enough. What else was I supposed to do?

Sit back and take it, while he gets to continue his sick survailance of every bit of my life that he can get info on? No thanks.

I just wanna be free.

[Tracy500]

The last time she begged him to come back and he refused, my BF's ex told him that the only way he'd ever get their kids back was to accept their mother (her).  He still refused and she turned them against him.  It's been really heartbreaking watching him slowly win them back, one at a time, with varying degrees of success.  He's a wonderful father and doesn't deserve this. 

[turtle]

I know in my experience, emotional blackmail was a common and constant occurrence.

It's costly... .  that's for sure!

turtle