You state great points... . It's almost like she is trying very hard to convince her self that an ldr with this new person is finally "the one" by the way I was also called "the one" at one point.
Once they get that attention, the cycle of use and move on and use and move on repeats itself with moving on equating to moving on to either a new person or someone they were with previously whom they think they can convince to return to them.
I just hope it isn't me that she tries to convince if/when that relationship go sour.
Her antics almost made me to lose my sense of self... . something I've always been proud of,coming from a family who raised me to have "thick skin". I would love to be there as a friend but nothing more. I put a lot of my issues/emotions on the back burner to deal with hers for 5yrs. I'm emotionally drained.
That said, for BPDs who have attachment issues and are not working through them, LDRs can likely to equate to:
More "OMG! WHERE ARE YOU?"
More "OMG, ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?"
This is why I feel as if an ld-r just wouldn't pan out until someone moves and moves quickly. I just can not see her being with out any physical interaction for too long. She is abnormally clingy. I got accused of cheating on her with women on TV while in bed cuddled watching TV with her, accused of liking the singer on the radio while driving in the car with her sitting right there in the passenger... . and many other things that I am ashamed to even post here. Anything where she felt like my attention would be diverted, she panicked. Morbid jealousy on level 10... . so I really cant see her trusting this ld-r for too much longer!
First and foremost, don't be ashamed to air out your thoughts and feelings.
You've been in a tough and rough place and I'm pretty sure most everyone here can empathize with the feeling of having one's sense of self displaced to who-knows-where.
And yes, I would agree that you're emotionally drained and 'thick skin' or no, I wouldn't recommend trying to continue a friendship. Why? Because of your previous relationship, she will continue to use her perceived wrongs of you against you. YOU may see it as 'we're only friends but I still care about you' but she's liable to see it as either 'if I convince him hard enough, he will come back!' or 'here is another person coming back whom I can reuse!' or 'He HATES ME HATES ME HATES ME!111' and fly off the handle at you (and probably dredge up the past again and wallow in it.
There are no quarters or halves when it comes to viewing things for a pwBPD. Just wholes - and sometimes wholes that are made up almost completely of misperceptions. The 'seeing in black and white' bit.
That said, though I was never in a romantic relationship with my friend, they still accused me of some pretty bizarre things up to and including using my attendance at school as an excuse for me to not pay attention to them.
I had a set class schedule when I was still doing school and everybody who knew I was going to school (and this most definitely included my friend) knew that at certain times of the day on certain days of the week, I was unavailable because I was literally in class and would get kicked out of class for any interruptions like phone calls and the like.
Apparently, this unavailability - even though it was dictated mostly by my major - equaled to bouts of extreme clinginess and neediness highlighted by multiple text and email messages of the, "Where are you? Are you ignoring me?" variety. And in the end, that whole thing turned into accusations about me purposely being unavailable when they needed me, etc.
