Hugs chattgirl.
Very difficult and emotional times. (more hugs )
A couple of thoughts:
First is that you are changing the rules and no longer playing into an unhealthy, imbalanced relationship. Meaning that the relationship you describe that you had... . you chasing him, begging him, allowing him to do whatever he wants, was NOT a healthy relationship for you.
So although you miss him and would like to be in a relationship with him, its vitally important for your own health that you qualify this thought with something like: 'I want to be in a relationship with him, but only if its a HEALTHY one'
Because you do need to love yourself (which in turns means taking care of yourself, and your own emotional health).
Having said that - well done on setting the boundaries and sticking to them! My read is this: He is clearly seeing/talking/interacting other women and refuses to admit it. He doesnt want to show the phone records because they will incriminate him (but at this stage it doesnt matter... . you already know the answer so its not even worth pressing the specific issue). Lines like 'he is so mad there is no telling what he might do' Is a flag.
He is angry and in typical fashion, blaming you for the cause of all this anger and hurt. Given he is STALKING you by calling you on a blocked number and watching you go to and leave work, and showing up unannounced - you have to put a plan in place to protect yourself. You cant ignore these actions! And you have to be careful not to feed them to where it escalates even worse.
It sounds like he has never had to take responsibility for his own actions before, and you are enforcing boundaries that he isnt used to having enforced. Its very possible he will just move to the next victim (going back with ex's, etc) to get what he wants - which although might be crushing emotionally to you, would at the same time be very telling of what he genuinely wants in a relationship (someone to bully and intimidate?)
Keep posting and letting us know whats happening. Review the safety plan for DV (some good concepts in there to have just in case)
I would advise that you set some boundaries about how to interact. Maybe send him an email letting him know that you have enjoyed and appreciated the continued communications, but that showing up at work unannounced, watching you go to/from work, calling on blocked numbers is NOT acceptable and you wont engage if that happens. And that if they continue then they will have to be reported (this is tricky because it might trigger even higher escalation, so lets hear what the others say... . delivery is everything)
AND - I strongly advise that you contact your local DV hotline and describe the situation. They will be able to review it all for you and give some good advice for navigating through it. It will be documented, and its just a good idea for protecting your own safety. (a 'just in case' task that will be there in your back pocket should you ever need it)
More hugs.
