Has anyone had their personwBPD say "I'm sorry would you please forgive me"

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

  that was funny!

it feels good to laugh in the face of BPD for a change.

This forum rocks 

[LuckyEscapee]

  that was funny!

it feels good to laugh in the face of BPD for a change.

This forum rocks 

[maria1]

I think pwBPD are capable of feeling remorse, but it triggers their core shame and thus, if and when they feel it, it's overwhelming and has to be buried again.

Yes- mine said sorry. He said 'I made it all go to ~ and I'm so sorry'. He also said he did it because I loved him and he had to push me away because that is what he does.

He said he would never forgive himself for what he'd done to me. I said 'It's OK, just try and learn from it, we both made mistakes. I'm OK' I wasn't OK of course and I've had some anger since then.

Right now I'd like to say sorry to mine for telling him to F off a few weeks ago. It wasn't really fair. But I don't need his forgiveness, just my own.

[broken but not beaten]

Maria,  your ex telling you he had to push you away because he loved you was probably the truest words he spoke,I don't mean that to be cruel but in essence that's what they do to us as hard as it is to get our heads around. I don't apologise for what I've said I've been on the receiving end of her vicious tongue,I can forgive myself for allowing me to be treated like that and never shall anyone break me in that way again

[maria1]

Bentnotbroken

He told me all the way through that he would push me away, that I was the last one standing. There's nothing cruel about you saying that. It sums up what he did and even as he did it I could see the terror in his eyes.

I just feel sad for him. What a way to live your life.

[broken but not beaten]

Absoloutely I completely agree it is a sad ilmess for these people. My mom is dBPD and childhood wasn't easy with her,I saw her splitting me and my brother I was always black but hey,moms been I t for years and she now begins to recognise the damge she left behind but its such a slow and painful process for them. I admire her strength and courage to face her demons though. She's my main support in all this and of course you all on BPD family,I see the fear in her eyes its a cruel tormenting illness but it destroys all those around them and the very things they deep down want but can't have because of it

[cal644]

Last night I received this long long long text from my soon to be uBPD wife... .  here are the times she said she was sorry... .  1. I put on a happy face for you and was someone I really wasn't for that I'm sorry.  2. At the end she said she was sorry for hurting me.  But the rest of all the texts were how it was my fault ... .  so out of 1,000 words with most of it me being bad, how she is screwed up in the mind, etc ... .  only one true sorry... .  the first one was for her being somebody I made her to be.

[broken but not beaten]

Cal... try not to take it personally,it hurts I know,they can't help themselves from pushing away the closet people to them,we do built up a fantasy of them and they reflect that back to us,I don't believe they intend to do it we must remember they are ill although that brings no comfort to you. I've never once receieved an apology or any form of recognition for my uxBPDgf behaviour,I still love her but I know I need to let her go because I can't fix her and I have to put my energy into me now. The fantasy and fairytale we all dream of felt so close yet is now so far but that's all it was unfortunately... .  a fantasy. As sad as it is they will keep repeating the pattern time and time again but by blaming others allows them to feel no shame or guilt,the very feelings they are most afraid of which makes them have to look inside,thus challenging their black and white thinking,after all they can't be bad so it must be someone else,ie us

[GettinStronger]

All the apologies i received in the first five years were, i'm sorry but if you had not done x, y and z I wouldn't have yelled at you... .   After years of saying "it's not ok to treat me this way" and i finally cut the cord and walked away... .  now i get about two weeks of i'm really sorry i treated you like that, please forgive me, let's work harder on this... .  blah, blah, blah.  But if I actually dive further into the convo - it ALWAYS comes back to if i had not done x, y or z.  Screw the fact that no matter what i did, I never deserved to be raged at, tore down to the core of my being and kicked verbally over and over again.  But those are "just words" and I'm not supposed to let those hurt me, because I'm supposed to know they are said out of love What the heck? LOL

[MaybeSo]

Yes, my ex apologizes, sincerely.

An apology doesn't cure his attachment disorder, but it's appreciated, nonetheless.

[blurry]

 Mine just broke NC two nights ago to ask what to do with my mail. Seems odd to me since the last thing she told me was that she hoped id die. Based on that, I would of assumed she could care less whether or not i received the mail, plus number two, pretty sure she knows my address and didn't need to break NC to  find it out and ask if i wanted my W2s, of course I'd want them... .  

Anyway, back to the point, after i thanked her for the sudden show of concern, being the immature idiot i am, i threw my new job and new girl in her face, and suddenly, out of nowhere, i finally get the unexpected apology from her for all the nasty things she said to push me away. I apologized too and now as we speak shes starting the light and breezy reminiscing of our good days.

This BPD stuff is absolutely crazy, thank god i know what im dealing with now. She just brought up an incredible day we had back in august, ending with her saying "we were so in love... .  " He we go again, but i'm not falling for it at least.

[blurry]

 This is feeling like deja vu from her last recycle of me, after she had left me to go sleep with her ex for a couple weeks. Good thing something told me to get online, to try to figure out what in the world was wrong with her, and led me to this site after the last breakup.

[hellnback]

I said I was sorry last night. I have been treating her badly and did not feel good about myself. I realized that it doesn't matter if they say sorry or ask for forgiveness. She tries in her own way to make apologies. Maybe i just need to let go and forgive as I would want to be forgivin.

The gift of love and forgiveness is the best we have to give. Maybe thats all we need.

[Confusedandhurt]

My uBPDexgf apologized both during our r/s and afterwards. What was interesting was how many times, when apologizing, she would use the term "ashamed". It was never about true remorse and a change in behavior. Only IMHO it was a reflection of the core shame she feels inside. It was also about having to admit she was wrong when I told her how hurt about this behavior or that. Really sad, as she just seemed to be more interested in getting the apology over with than changing her behavior the next time.

[LuckyEscapee]

as we speak shes starting the light and breezy reminiscing of our good days.

What is it with the trip down memory lane stuff? Like they can erase a million attacks with the memory of one shared ice-cream!

[Not2Crazy]

Mine were the "I'm sorry you made me ... .  " ones

[daintrovert13]

Has anyone had their personwBPD say "I'm sorry would you please forgive me" ?

and

Has anyone told their personwBPD say "I'm sorry would you please forgive me"  ?

I mean is this a "no" way street?

During the relationship NO

After the relationship YES

After she discarded me... .  I guess guilt started to eat at her... .  and that's where I got the most

apologies. Sorry sorry sorry sorry like a darn broken record. Very annoying.