Can they mirror things other than people?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

When my ex and I broke up for the first time, he started really getting into a TV show.  It's designed for kids, but it has a large adult following as well.  It's actually a very well-done, well-written and sharp show, plenty for adults to enjoy, and the morals it teaches are really positive (friendship, not jumping to conclusions, asking for help when you need it, etc.)

A character in this show was "bad" but got "redeemed" and my ex has said that he identified with this character.  She didn't deny what she had done, but she asked for forgiveness and has had to deal with some of the fallout from her former bad behavior.  Since he's gotten into this show, my ex has become a much nicer person.  He's said it kind of changed his life, that this character offered him hope that even "bad" people can change. 

Was wondering if in lieu of another person he's simply clung to this show and kind of made this (female) redeemed character his "mirror".  Sadly, a children's show really fits for a BPD's level of emotional maturity.  Thoughts? 

[Changed4safety]

When my ex and I broke up for the first time, he started really getting into a TV show.  It's designed for kids, but it has a large adult following as well.  It's actually a very well-done, well-written and sharp show, plenty for adults to enjoy, and the morals it teaches are really positive (friendship, not jumping to conclusions, asking for help when you need it, etc.)

A character in this show was "bad" but got "redeemed" and my ex has said that he identified with this character.  She didn't deny what she had done, but she asked for forgiveness and has had to deal with some of the fallout from her former bad behavior.  Since he's gotten into this show, my ex has become a much nicer person.  He's said it kind of changed his life, that this character offered him hope that even "bad" people can change. 

Was wondering if in lieu of another person he's simply clung to this show and kind of made this (female) redeemed character his "mirror".  Sadly, a children's show really fits for a BPD's level of emotional maturity.  Thoughts? 

[seeking balance]

The criteria for BPD has "unstable sense of self".

As such, mirroring helps a pwBPD find some stability for that moment.

[Willingtolearn]

When my exBPDgf bought clothes, she could not think for herself in what to choose that suited her, So she use to by the same cloths that the shop mannequin's / dummies where wearing.  So she was in fact mirroring those.

[charred]

Was it Swiper from Dora the Explorer? 

People in general can identify with TV characters... .  if the character is well done that is what the TV show hopes will happen, as it builds followers and loyalty. Do you feel like he over-identified with the character? A young kid can identify with Superman... heroic, all powerful, in control... saving the world... and that is fine, they can dress like him, its a little odd but okay if your a kid, if your ex is wearing a cape and his undies outside her clothes... .  would be concerned.

Glad he is doing better, am pragmatic, if it helps, I am all for it... .  guess there isn't a lot to go on in your question is all.

[Changed4safety]

LOL Charred, it's... .  uh... .  Luna from the new incarnation of My Little Pony.  He's currently running with a crowd of Reddit people who are very smart, love to drink beer and play board games, and are big geeks and "bronies" (adult fans of My Little Pony).

He's always said, "This character is me" or "That character is me", and I remember (silly me) feeling "less than" because there was no character that was me.  (Though Lisa Simpson is close.)  I now realize that it's actually a good thing to be unique and not something/someone someone else thought of! 

He also was into costuming for science fiction cons and role-playing games (both of which, frankly, I have no problem with in and of themselves.)  I'm pretty geeky myself.  And he preferred cybersex to the real thing (while role-playing a character he had created).  Taken as a whole, it all really forms a sadly clear pattern of "unstable sense of self" as SB pointed out.  I guess this is just one more example of that.   The up side for me is I noticed all these things long before things went bad, so know that I can identify them as   I will be able to spot them early and make a gracious exit.

Willingtolearn, sadly, the whole point of fashion is copying what someone else thinks is "cool" in hopes that you will be "cool" yourself.   

[charred]

Luna from My Little Pony... .  okay... didn't expect that. Bronies... I like SouthPark, FamilyGuy and Futurama... .  a few others I suppose, but didn't even suspect that there were adults that were in to My Little Pony, and were out about it. From what you said I would be more concerned that he likes cybersex more than the real thing... .  that is a pretty big  .

Gives me hope... if a guy that hangs with other guys... that are in to My Little Pony, can find someone ... .  there truly is someone for everyone.

[Changed4safety]

Like I said, it's actually pretty good.  I watched it with him, but don't watch on my own, but did enjoy it.  Not Futurama sharp (which he also loved), but overall not   sweet. 

The cybersex thing was really awful, he did it with like... .  over a dozen women while we were together and lied to my face about it.  He even pushed for it with me, and I was like... .  can't we actually make love instead of typing?  xD  He stopped that in our last year together. 

As for him finding "someone", he was always able to while we were together, apparently.  >< 

He was (is) a smart, cute, funny guy who is able to keep many good friends of years' standing who likes a ton of geeky things I am into.  And that, I miss.   And that, I hope to find again. 

[Weird Fishes]

hahaha, I was going to guess Trixie.   

CAN MY LITTLE PONY HELP PEOPLE RECOVER FROM BPD?  Might as well, it is already everywhere else.

I identify way too much with Fluttershy, so... .  

[Changed4safety]

ROFL!   

Funny, he says I am Twilight Sparkle (interesting as she is pretty much the main character) but I identify with Fluttershy too.  I have a feeling I don't see myself that clearly. 

All I know is, the darn show does seem to have helped him "handle" things about himself.  So... .  as Fluttershy would say:  *deep breath* ... .  yay... .  !   

[charred]

Well you enlightened me, I wouldn't have dreamed there were "bronies"... and the cybersex thing combined with it... .  sounds like he might even be gay... though I suppose it would help to know roughly what age you guys are. Normal guys in their 20's are walking horn dogs... and slowing down to almost none for a year at a time... , I was doing good to make it 2 days back then.

So he seems to be doing better (due to his little pony)... how are you doing? Are you going out, meeting people, able to move on?

I couldn't find MyLittlePony on my OnDemand... .  never saw the show, have to now... .  gawd I hope I don't become a bronie... that would be too much.

[Changed4safety]

He just turned 30, I'll be turning 50 late this year.  Because of what I do I get along very well with younger people (I don't have kids, I work in a field that focuses on gamers/SF geeks).  MLP is on Netflix, don't ask me how I know!  I have some other comments but I'll shoot you a PM, might be TMI for a general thread, and I think I got my question answered, though if this is relevant to others I encourage you all to post!

[Weird Fishes]

MLP is totes relevant, after all, we can all relate to Fluttershy's codependency struggles. 

Or Shining Armor's relationship with Queen Chrysalis, the malignant NPD.

Seriously where was this show when I was a kid? 

[Gaslit]

I'm guessing that during the silent treatments they were mirroring a plant. It's the only thing that makes sense.

[glacier_glider]

She had this incredible intellect where she was able to solve this one logical problem that only a few can do... .  Yet, she was emotionally underdeveloped. Couldn't even watch a serious movie. A serious conversation? No way!

I am into extreme sports. She couldn't stand seeing my photos doing it.

That's totally fine. I saw tons of red flags in the very beginning, I just ignored them. I always though I could overcome anything. And this is where I got fcuked big time.

No prob. I'll get over it.

I've aged so quickly in the last four years... .  

[freshlySane]

my exBPDgf loved shows where she identify with a character last show i know of was Bones. She identified with the main character because she was an odd ball and my ex beleived the world saw her the same way and when she did things that was perceived normal it gave my ex hope.

When she gets into shows it reflects into her life i remember her buying a bag she called Bones because it looked as something bones would wear i got her the same bag in another color she called it Booth because it was something Booth would wear i thought it was cute now i see it was a  not one to leave her over but one to show her very damaged sense of self. Whenever she was in a particular mood shed wear Bones or Booth.

[Mike_confused]

glacier_glider,

you said something that caught me... .  "I have aged so quickly in the last 4 years".     I can actually identify with that.   I am fit and really an extreme sort myself, but I notice aches and pains I can only attribute to the stress of living with my uBPD wife.  Is that sort of what you were referring to?

[Changed4safety]

4 years here too--I aged more in those 4 years than in the previous 15.  Threw my back out (ex had to take care of me for 3 whole days... .  it was horrible, never mind how much I tended to him because of his diabetes and leg pain) and now have issues in my spine.  Hmm... .  maybe I needed to literally "get a spine." 

[Mike_confused]

I developed a serious case of sciatica... .  lasted 9 months.   It has GONE AWAY in the last month since I have been away from my uBPD wife.  I mean gone.   Is it possible that ailments like that can be caused by the stress of living with someone that is abusive?

[glacier_glider]

When I said "aged" I meant everything - the way I feel and the way I look.

I had no idea about BPD until a couple of weeks ago.

I just had four years of nightmare that started in paradise and tried to cope with it.

At 43 I look several years older. When we met I was 38 or 39 and I looked much younger (my parents' genes).

Still, last year I was able to cover 31 miles walking and running. I lift weights, etc... .  

But, I will never forget this night about 2 years ago that I spent in my apartment just walking on this diagonal line between two opposite corners and smoking, smoking... .  I smoked two packs of cigarettes in about 8 hours.

This was after driving to her house at 1 am and seeing something totally unexpected.

I think some of my hair turned gray that night.

And one day later I woke up to tons of voicemails when she begged me to come back.

In our four years there many, many episodes like that one.

I just need to sit down, concentrate and put it all together in the intro section.

Nothing new for you, guys and girls. You've seen it all. This is why I am here with you.