finally im out or am i

[broken but not beaten]

So today I tied up all loose ends with uBPD ex gf,what a bizzare experience,she disappeard into another room with f friend who she has been triangulating (read definition) with,any way I asked her in advance to prepare some sentimental and personal items and photographs for me in advance so as to save any arguements there,I had to travel and had no intent on ever returning to the premises. Said items were not ready however when I get home receive a message saying they have been left on door step! These items are very precious to me and really only the last emotional tie that I can be hurt with. I asked if items could be brought into work but no reply,I'm just so angry that this is the final way she can hurt me and she seemed to cavalier that I must return to collect them,why not give me them when I was there as I had asked? I've now deleted all her numbers and communication and accept I may just have to let this go but its just one final kick in between the legs all I've tried to do is leave as she asked with no drama. Admittedly last time I did beg and plead and bargain but this time nothing,I refuse to accept past behaviour and tonights shennanigans reinforces my beliefs,sorry folks rant over,just don't understand why be so cruel when I've done what was asked of me? Any thoughts or similar experiences I'm struggling to see any logic in this

[broken but not beaten]

I should add photos are of my son who I no longer see from prev r/ship so she has no use for them,never showed any interest as I fought through legal system or supported me,such a cruel vicious ending

[Rose Tiger]

A day late and a dollar short but we should always grab stuff before the final break.  Keeping your stuff is a way to stay connected, not sure if it's meant to hurt you, it's hard to know the thoughts on this.  Ex left some stuff here that I returned and he seemed almost annoyed about it.  I was thinking that the stuff meant something to him but obviously not.  He didn't see sentimental items as valuable.  So I'm not sure if your ex understands what these things mean to you.  The other line of thought might be anger towards you since you are 'bad' and it could be a punishment effort.

Unless you can think of a sure fire motivator, there isn't a whole lot you can do.  I'm so sorry.

[Mike_confused]

my stuff is there. from a month and a half ago when she flipped, said she wanted a divorce now, and then left.    I left immediately out of fear that she would accuse me of domestic violence.  She always threatened it and yet she was the one that always punched me in the head.     I got 20 minutes away while driving to my family camp when she calls and ays come get me stuff because it outside.  This has happened before.  I think it is her way to draw me back.   

I avoid her when she is psychotic.

[LuckyEscapee]

I took most of my personal stuff before the break up, but as I had pretty much bought everything I didn't want to seem petty and leave him without the household things. I walked away from the lot, to later be told I couldn't have things back now anyhow because my replacement liked them! wth? Who lets this stuff leave their lips? 

Then he somehow conned his replacement into giving him cash, which he then used to pay me back some of what he owed me (I bailed him out so many times after reckless decisions that weren't his fault ). I almost declined it as I had wrote-off ever getting anything back, and I suspect he expected me to. But when I accepted it he accused me of being selfish. Then I got accused of squandering my own money (hard-earned by myself) on superficial selfish things when he needed that money.

He's completely welcome to everything I ever helped him with. I never cost him a cent ever. It is one less question in my mind to answer - yes I treated him well, yes I cared for him, yes I helped when he needed it, often in issues of his own making.  I would gladly spend double to have him gone from my life forever. As long as we leave with our sanity near intact we are doing well.

[AbayaLady]

BBNB, I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. Sounds awful. I'm in the process of detaching right now but thankfully we live apart so things are easier.

You said about your ex keeping your things hostage:

I'm struggling to see any logic in this

As you probably know by now, this statement sums up what being in a r/s with a pwBPD is like. There is no logic because they are disordered. You'll need to stop expecting this person to act/speak/think logically or the way you do because they simply CAN'T do it.

I used to have these almost funny moments on the phone with my friend when we would be trying to make sense of what my ustbexBPDh had said or done, and then she would stop and say, "Wait. We are thinking logically. That doesn't work here."

It's so very sad that this is how their minds work (how terrible and frightening things must be in there), but unless you can accept and remember it, these actions and words will always hurt and confuse you.

Stay strong and carry on! Keep posting here and ask for help when you need it.