pwBPD and treatment of animals

[Scott44]

My ex wanted a cat.  The purpose of the cat would be as a "therapy cat" for my ex.  She brought home a kitten that I fell in love with.  The kitten would lie on the floor with me when I watched TV.

When the cat began to get adult teeth it started to nip at things, including people.

My ex began to abuse the cat.  At one point she held the cat by the scruff of the neck and punched it in the face.  I've never seen someone do that before.

The cat started biting a lot.  Especially people's hands.

When we broke up I kept the cat because my ex wasn't allowed to have cats in her new place.

The cat kept biting me so in the convoluted communication pattern that she insisted on I asked my mother to ask my wife's best friend to ask my wife if there was anyway she could take the cat.  Since it was her fault the cat was so badly behaved.

My ex told my mom to take the cat to her friend's house because she had a shed where the cat could stay. 

When my parents showed up to the best friend's house she had heard nothing about it and told my parents to get the f*** off her property.

The friend then phoned my ex and found out that she had indeed spoken with my parents about the cat.

When I received the divorce papers, there was a complaint by my ex that I had saddled her with the cat and since she couldn't keep it she had it put down and how that was a financial drain on her.

I would have taken the cat back if I had known that she was going to have it put down! 

What a way to find out that an animal you love is dead.

My mom maintains that she is glad my ex and I couldn't have children because she believes that my ex would have abused them.  My mom feels that anyone who can abuse a relatively defenseless creature as a kitten would most definitely abuse a child.  Not to mention that she was beating me as well.

Any stories to tell about how your pwBPD treated pets or young children?

[hithere]

My ex with BPD hated my cat, she had a little fear of cats but was also very jealous of any time I spent with the cat.

I would have taken the cat back if I had known that she was going to have it put down!

What a way to find out that an animal you love is dead.

Your story is sad but why would you give the cat back to a person you saw had abused the cat?  What did you think the outcome would be?

[mosaicbird]

Both of the pwBPD that I know are animal lovers and would never, ever hurt or neglect an animal. They're both very protective of animals, in fact. 

[seeking balance]

Scott,

I can tell you are struggling with all the posts and questions you are asking lately... .  can you help me understand how this post is helping you detach?

SB

My ex wanted a cat.  The purpose of the cat would be as a "therapy cat" for my ex.  She brought home a kitten that I fell in love with.  The kitten would lie on the floor with me when I watched TV.

When the cat began to get adult teeth it started to nip at things, including people.

My ex began to abuse the cat.  At one point she held the cat by the scruff of the neck and punched it in the face.  I've never seen someone do that before.

The cat started biting a lot.  Especially people's hands.

When we broke up I kept the cat because my ex wasn't allowed to have cats in her new place.

The cat kept biting me so in the convoluted communication pattern that she insisted on I asked my mother to ask my wife's best friend to ask my wife if there was anyway she could take the cat.  Since it was her fault the cat was so badly behaved.

My ex told my mom to take the cat to her friend's house because she had a shed where the cat could stay. 

When my parents showed up to the best friend's house she had heard nothing about it and told my parents to get the f*** off her property.

The friend then phoned my ex and found out that she had indeed spoken with my parents about the cat.

When I received the divorce papers, there was a complaint by my ex that I had saddled her with the cat and since she couldn't keep it she had it put down and how that was a financial drain on her.

I would have taken the cat back if I had known that she was going to have it put down! 

What a way to find out that an animal you love is dead.

My mom maintains that she is glad my ex and I couldn't have children because she believes that my ex would have abused them.  My mom feels that anyone who can abuse a relatively defenseless creature as a kitten would most definitely abuse a child.  Not to mention that she was beating me as well.

Any stories to tell about how your pwBPD treated pets or young children?

[WT]

My ex actually loves animals. I never got to see how she would treat one if it was under her full care, but she loved her family dog, my family cat, and she volunteers at the animal shelter weekly.

[Scott44]

The need to find common ground and to know that I'm not alone in my experience will hopefully allow me to put scary issues that are causing some ptsd symptoms in me to rest

[seeking balance]

The need to find common ground and to know that I'm not alone in my experience will hopefully allow me to put scary issues that are causing some ptsd symptoms in me to rest

Ok Scott - common ground is good helpful in processing.

What about specifically this subject is causing you ptsd symptoms? 

[Scott44]

Watching her abuse the cat was a very scary thing to behold.  Also, finding out in divorce papers that she had just gone ahead and killed the cat was another traumatic event.  And, to be honest, being hit, kicked and bitten myself I think is going to take some time for me to process.  I feel beaten down and unsafe, even though I am pretty sure that she will never hurt me or things I love again.

[seeking balance]

Watching her abuse the cat was a very scary thing to behold.  Also, finding out in divorce papers that she had just gone ahead and killed the cat was another traumatic event.  And, to be honest, being hit, kicked and bitten myself I think is going to take some time for me to process.  I feel beaten down and unsafe, even though I am pretty sure that she will never hurt me or things I love again.

This kind of animal abuse is not consistent with BPD behavior - do you happen to have abuse support group that you are a part of to help with dealing with these traumatic emotions?

[mango_flower]

She loved all animals - always said she never saw herself in a relationship but would happily have a house full of animals if she ended up alone... .  

I actually believed her at the time, she didn't like people and preferred her own company. Until I brought her out of her shell and she left me and ended up with somebody else round about the same time.

She sponsors a dog and stuff like that.  She always took friends dogs for walks.

I wonder if it's because animals love her unconditionally and don't talk, so they can't make her questions truths, lies, feelings... .  !

[sunrising]

My ex loved animals. The night before she was moving out for good the next day, she asked me if maybe she could take my dog for walks sometimes.   Between that, and "I think of you often and wish you the best", which she sent me in an email, that's about the only 2 semi-sentimental things she's had to say since a relationship that was supposed to "last forever" disappeared into thin air.    

But she was good to my dog... .  

sunrising

[dharmagems]

My exuBPDh also loved animals.  I had 5 chickens, 4 rabbits, and 1 cat.  He was so caring towards them.  He would help me maintain the chicken coup and he would excessively pet and feed my cat.  It was also like he was over the top, just like he was with me.  He was caring too much, like obsessing over them like he was with me.  I guess I could describe it as needy and possessive.

The only thing is that he would use them to get me to stay home.  Several occasions, when I would want to go out the door to go out with friends to blow off steam,  he would say, "i don't know why you go out, I feed the animals, take care of them, and I won't take care of them any more!  You're not pulling your weight in responsibilities.  I am earning a living and taking care of the animals, and all you can do is party with these random people you call your friends!"

[mosaicbird]

I wonder if it's because animals love her unconditionally and don't talk, so they can't make her questions truths, lies, feelings... .  !

The unconditional love thing is EXACTLY why my ex said she liked animals better than people.

[sunrising]

I wish my ex would have mirrored my dog.  I can do no wrong in his eyes.

I suspect the unconditional love of animals is appealing to pwBPD (and people, in general).  They seem very confused about who they are and projecting an image of being "good".  Pet my dog, and he will think you're AWESOME.  I suppose it's a simple, uncomplicated relationship for BPD's, who otherwise are very overwhelmed by relationships.

sunrising

[Changed4safety]

I am so sorry to hear your story!  It sounds like something else was going on with your ex in addition to BPD if this is not a common trait, and given the responses I am seeing here.  My ex too adored animals, and in fact now that I am looking at losing  our 19 year old cat, my ex is being kinder and stronger in supporting me than he has ever been.  I echo others, I think the simplicity of an animal's love is very soothing to someone with BPD.

[WT]

I wonder if it's because animals love her unconditionally and don't talk, so they can't make her questions truths, lies, feelings... .  !

The unconditional love thing is EXACTLY why my ex said she liked animals better than people.

Add my ex to this list as well.