Unusual traits? Or not?

[whatathing]

Hello, I´d like to ask if these traits that my ex gf uBPD showed are unusual or not in BPD:

- she´s VERY passive and incapable of confronting people, she´s not assertive and can´t say "no" to anyone

- she´s very haunted by guilt and scrupulousness. I read here that a pwBPD doesn´t take responsability for their behaviors in the relationship, but she told me often that it´s not my fault and that there´s something wrong with her, and that she doesn´t want to hurt me with her conflicts, and that she hurts people with her shifts, etc. Also she has trouble with scrupuloussness, she´s very afraid of getting involved with the wrong person, so she´s always ready to leave at the minimum sign that it was the wrong decision. This is true with other things to, such as work (she´s afraid of applying to new jobs because she doesn´t want to start a career in something that she doesn´t know if she will change her mind and then not be strong enough to quit and tell people she wants to quit). Could this be the anihilation fear that I read somewhere that they have?

- she doesn´t show aggression at all, I believe that´s because her mother´s narcissistic, criticizing, and invasive, so she´s trapped in her lack of freedom to be angry. But she said that she sometimes feels a great rage. However, I believe that she shows that aggression through a form of boicoting things, she quits, and also feels let down, and "paints the person black" when that happens

- she has a somatic pattern that resembles that of PTSD: nightmares, uncontrolable panic attacks, not being able to eat when in stress, migraines... .  (this one I´ve already posted)

So, she seems to be a BPD but repressed by a authoritative education, and with marked Dependent traits, and also some kind of childish somatic pattern which she uses somehow to express and deal with all the anxiety and conflicts. What do you think?

Thank you

[Surnia]

Whatathing

I can understand your wish to know more about the traits of your exgf. I think you are very focused on her and her traits.

What about you? How do you feel now, separated?

[whatathing]

Hello Surnia,

You´re right, I am very focused on that, I know maybe to much, but I´m just curious... .  I´m alright, sad about the separation, and wondering if she´s right that it´s better this way or not. But I think I´m ok right now thank you

[whatathing]

Hmm... .  is this what you mean?

"Trauma for the lonely child occurs mainly because of perceived failure they cannot “understand” enough (essentially an obsession at this point) and trauma for the Borderline occurs because of anger and abandonment and shame that existed since infancy- and persecution by their inner parent superego for not becoming whole."

It was here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.0

I´ll think about it... .  but would like to know the answer to the questions anyway.

Thank you

[Surnia]

Good to hear that you are okay.

The quote is one of the important things about BPD.

We both are not professionals. This is why I don't like to answer about her. My own handling is observation. What can I see and observe. Like you did it. You see something is wrong. This is what counts.