Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
July 01, 2024, 12:22:36 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Putting my lessons to work
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Putting my lessons to work (Read 457 times)
coworkerfriend
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 383
Putting my lessons to work
«
on:
February 26, 2013, 12:38:31 PM »
My pwBPD walked in today and said he was feeling anxious and low. He had the "look" in his eye when he feels stressed. The little trigger in my mind that normally goes off when he walks in like that went off.
I gave him a hug and told him that I am around if he needs anything, I walked away and started to focus on work. We ate lunch - made small talk - and I went back to work.
I am giving him space and more importantly, I am giving myself space.
He gave me warning that he feels low. Before I found this place, I would try to make it better. I would try to fix it. I know now that I can't make it better but I certainly can make it much worse. He has days like this and today, I accept that this is who he is.
Today, I will not make it worse. One day at a time, right?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
briefcase
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married 18 years, together 20 years, still living together
Posts: 2150
Re: Putting my lessons to work
«
Reply #1 on:
February 26, 2013, 12:43:27 PM »
Excellent!
Logged
patientandclear
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
Posts: 2785
Re: Putting my lessons to work
«
Reply #2 on:
February 26, 2013, 02:44:47 PM »
That's so great CWF. A while back he told you he thinks you are really "getting" him, didn't he? I bet moments like this keep reinforcing that sense. Glad you've found a groove that seems to work for both you & him when he is getting pulled down into that anxious place.
Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405
If YOU don't change, things will stay the same
Re: Putting my lessons to work
«
Reply #3 on:
February 26, 2013, 02:54:19 PM »
That space or buffer is important, it also allows you to view things more subjectively rather than reactively also.
For pwBPD it is almost like the in your face personal space we all need, amplified. Get too close and you become a threat to repel.
Backing away with a supportive words achieves wonders, also helps them practice self soothing.
Logged
Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
Chosen
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1479
Re: Putting my lessons to work
«
Reply #4 on:
February 27, 2013, 01:50:34 AM »
This is great! Yes, you're detaching from it- you still care about him, but you won't take it into your own hands to make things better or make this upset feelings go away. This is healthy for both of you.
And I suppose you're right, we all take it a day at a time... . nobody knows about tomorrow, so there's no use worrying about it. Celebrate little victories!
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Putting my lessons to work
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...