Putting my lessons to work

[Depression = 72% of members]

My pwBPD walked in today and said he was feeling anxious and low. He had the "look" in his eye when he feels stressed. The little trigger in my mind that normally goes off when he walks in like that went off. 

I gave him a hug and told him that I am around if he needs anything, I walked away and started to focus on work.  We ate lunch - made small talk - and I went back to work.

I am giving him space and more importantly, I am giving myself space.

He gave me warning that he feels low.  Before I found this place, I would try to make it better. I would try to fix it.   I know now that I can't make it better but I certainly can make it much worse.  He has days like this and today, I accept that this is who he is.

Today, I will not make it worse.  One day at a time, right?

[coworkerfriend]

My pwBPD walked in today and said he was feeling anxious and low. He had the "look" in his eye when he feels stressed. The little trigger in my mind that normally goes off when he walks in like that went off. 

I gave him a hug and told him that I am around if he needs anything, I walked away and started to focus on work.  We ate lunch - made small talk - and I went back to work.

I am giving him space and more importantly, I am giving myself space.

He gave me warning that he feels low.  Before I found this place, I would try to make it better. I would try to fix it.   I know now that I can't make it better but I certainly can make it much worse.  He has days like this and today, I accept that this is who he is.

Today, I will not make it worse.  One day at a time, right?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

 

Excellent!

[patientandclear]

That's so great CWF.  A while back he told you he thinks you are really "getting" him, didn't he?  I bet moments like this keep reinforcing that sense.  Glad you've found a groove that seems to work for both you & him when he is getting pulled down into that anxious place.

[waverider]

 

That space or buffer is important, it also allows you to view things more subjectively rather than reactively also.

For  pwBPD it is almost like the in your face personal space we all need, amplified. Get too close and you become a threat to repel.

Backing away with a supportive words achieves wonders, also helps them practice self soothing.

[Chosen]

This is great!  Yes, you're detaching from it- you still care about him, but you won't take it into your own hands to make things better or make this upset feelings go away.  This is healthy for both of you.

And I suppose you're right, we all take it a day at a time... .  nobody knows about tomorrow, so there's no use worrying about it.  Celebrate little victories!