Having one hell of a weak moment...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Having the weakest moment(s) I've had in a long time.

Been searching the web for her and her stuff. Stupid, I know.

She's back online dating sites. I know, shouldn't even be looking.

All stings a ton.

Missing the day to day and wanting to write to her. Writing here instead.

Wanting to tell her what I know about BPD and NPD. Tell her this is why we didn't work out. Blah Blah... .  

Yes, yes, I realize, I'm having nothing but a weak moment(s) but, it just doesn't feel right.

Shed some light my way?

Thanks.


Also, the desire to want her to contact ME is getting to me as well.

WHY do I wish for this? So, I can have even more proof that it wasn't my fault that this ended? That I will never know what was real and what was a lie?

pps: Why is it, on paper, she was everything I had ever wanted and in reality, she still kinda is, other than the BPD (w/NPD traits).

[MakeItHappen]

Having the weakest moment(s) I've had in a long time.

Been searching the web for her and her stuff. Stupid, I know.

She's back online dating sites. I know, shouldn't even be looking.

All stings a ton.

Missing the day to day and wanting to write to her. Writing here instead.

Wanting to tell her what I know about BPD and NPD. Tell her this is why we didn't work out. Blah Blah... .  

Yes, yes, I realize, I'm having nothing but a weak moment(s) but, it just doesn't feel right.

Shed some light my way?

Thanks.


Also, the desire to want her to contact ME is getting to me as well.

WHY do I wish for this? So, I can have even more proof that it wasn't my fault that this ended? That I will never know what was real and what was a lie?

pps: Why is it, on paper, she was everything I had ever wanted and in reality, she still kinda is, other than the BPD (w/NPD traits).

[Discarded26]

Having the weakest moment(s) I've had in a long time.

Been searching the web for her and her stuff. Stupid, I know.

She's back online dating sites. I know, shouldn't even be looking.

All stings a ton.

Missing the day to day and wanting to write to her. Writing here instead.

Wanting to tell her what I know about BPD and NPD. Tell her this is why we didn't work out. Blah Blah... .  

Yes, yes, I realize, I'm having nothing but a weak moment(s) but, it just doesn't feel right.

Shed some light my way?

Thanks.


Also, the desire to want her to contact ME is getting to me as well.

WHY do I wish for this? So, I can have even more proof that it wasn't my fault that this ended? That I will never know what was real and what was a lie?

Think it's wanting to 'validate' what we thought 'we had' with them

As much as it hurts, NC is only way to keep going

They wont change, and they won't admit what they did to us

[glacier_glider]

About three weeks ago, after doing a lot of reading, I came to realization of "BPD".

It gave me all the answers to all the questions that I had during the four year long relationship.

I was delighted, relieved.

I was in NC at that time.

Shortly after I felt so strong that I decided to brake the NC, go see her and tell her about the discovery.

Guess what, after a very short conversation with her I was totally destroyed.

I was ill for a couple of days.

Didn't eat or sleep for some time.

There is no reward in this.

Stick with NC.