What is your first step in detachment?

[HarmKrakow]

As i've read many topics on this forums last months, all detach in a different way.

We all put salt in our wounds from time to time, by looking at the typical social media pages and then thinking we were strong enough to tear down 2 seconds later and cry.

I've felt all stages of detachment in hours and sometimes feel a bit lost where to actually start. You can feel acceptance, denial, hatred etc. all together in hours but it doesn't move you forward.

The only other option besides detachment is living a hell of a life feeling miserably, alone,     ed up, not having self-confidence etc. Although it might seem loathing and interesting to following this path and 'swim' in self-pity we are here on these boards not just to vent but also wanting to progress. Right? I hope so  :'(

[broken but not beaten]

This is a good question something that resonates with me. If I'm being honest I'd like to think I've detatched but I work then come home and... well... do nothing apart from come to these boards for words of wisdom and comfort. Do I feel lonely? Yes at times I do and yes I feel there is something more out there for me at some point,I just don't feel emotionally ready to give anything right now. I like to think I'm beginning to get to know myself again,learn who I am. We all detatch and heal at different paces but there is a part of me that is scared I won't feel 'love' in the way I thought I did. I'm not sure what stage I'm at,I still work with ex gf which makes healing slower

[Suzn]

Although it might seem loathing and interesting to following this path and 'swim' in self-pity we are here on these boards not just to vent but also wanting to progress. Right? I hope so  :'(

You are absolutely right. We are here to heal, the anger is a part of that, we generally find that anger is a secondary emotion, a mask for pain and hurt. I'm sorry you're struggling. 

The only other option besides detachment is living a hell of a life feeling miserably, alone,     ed up, not having self-confidence etc.

There are many options other than a life of hell harmkrakow. Why would you feel this is the "life" after detaching? This is actually more of a statement of someone who seems to "need" attachment. Someone who is dependent on an another to fill a void. You fill that void. What solutions do you think you could look at that might change your definition of being detached? Let's problem solve together.

The lessons to your right are an excellent place to start, to assess where you feel you are in detachment. Take a look, where do you feel you may be?

[Cimbaruns]

I agree that we all wish to "progress" and move through the detachment stages.

I... .  myself believe that I have been sitting in the Acknowledgement stage for awhile now, with some movement within the stage of self inquiry...

I sometimes feel that I cannot move much further ahead and even regress a bit!

Like most all of us here , our relationships with our BPDSo drained so much of us emotionally that we have to be able to re evaluate just how we are supposed to feel as separate individuals.

I think one BIG thing that has helped me ... .  is that I have truly come to realize that I cannot to continue to feel like a victim in all of this... .  I certainly felt that way at one point ... .  and by dwelling on it ... .  I felt it made me stuck in my own way forward!

I played a significant part in this dysfunctional dance and realizing that it WAS my choice most of the time ... .  to both stay in it... .  and... .  go back... .  was huge!

I know that initially my reluctance to set good boundaries and to eventually go NC hindered my ability to move forward as well,

I won't deny that I am still going through periods of anger and great sadness... .  but my acceptance that my dysfunction payed a huge role has helped me along in the stage of Self-Inquiry... .  

Now if I can work on my emotions ... .  and be able to recognize them ... .  feel them ... .  and stand aside from them... .  maybe my logical mind can grow stronger... .  

By being freed from this relationship ... .  and to look at it from afar... .  I am certainly being able to do that... .  

These relationships damaged all of us... .  but we will all get there

Strength and Peace to all

[Suzn]

I sometimes feel that I cannot move much further ahead and even regress a bit!

Everything you said Cimbaruns is right on the money. But this statement above is very important, we are all human and will never be perfect, regressing is a very human part of the healing process.