Having a hard time maintaining NC

[Depression = 72% of members]

My exBPDbf and I are having a hard time sticking to our NC agreement, and it's very frustrating. Does anyone have any experience/recommendations on exerting self-control with this situation? I feel so weak and also very guilty because he is going through withdrawals and trying to get/stay clean, and contact with me makes that very hard for him right now. Sometimes I initiate the contact, sometimes he does. This is really putting my codependency to the test... .     It doesn't help that he has told me about some girl from one of his groups who is all over him and wants sex with him, and he is potentially interested. He is very confused because he still has feelings for me, but also holds so much animosity for me at the same time. It seems that I need to just let go somehow... .  but HOW?

[Tigerabbit]

My exBPDbf and I are having a hard time sticking to our NC agreement, and it's very frustrating. Does anyone have any experience/recommendations on exerting self-control with this situation? I feel so weak and also very guilty because he is going through withdrawals and trying to get/stay clean, and contact with me makes that very hard for him right now. Sometimes I initiate the contact, sometimes he does. This is really putting my codependency to the test... .     It doesn't help that he has told me about some girl from one of his groups who is all over him and wants sex with him, and he is potentially interested. He is very confused because he still has feelings for me, but also holds so much animosity for me at the same time. It seems that I need to just let go somehow... .  but HOW?

[123Phoebe]

Hi Tigerabbit

I apologize for not understanding what your NC agreement entails.  :)o you want to work things out with him?  Is this a therapeutic separation you're both trying to adhere to, or are you trying to sever the connection for good?

[Tigerabbit]

Hi 123Phoebe,

No apology necessary! Our agreement is a bit rocky, which perhaps is part of the problem. I know I want to work things out with him, but he isn't sure. So it's mostly therapeutic, and also serving to hopefully help him figure out what he wants. He does still have feelings for me, but that's to be expected after being together (off and on) for ten years, so I don't know whether or not those feelings will subside (and I'm terrified that they will, which is probably partially why I'm having such a hard time maintaining NC). We both would like at the very least to be able to be friends again at some point... .  this is so hard.  :'(