she had the baby

[Depression = 72% of members]

well my daughter was born 3-3-13 9 lbs 2 ounces

my uNPD/BPD xgf texted me that morning and asked if I wanted her to send me a pic of the baby, I said yes and asked if I could come see her she said "maybe tomorrow" I didnt fight it and went and saw her on monday and tuesday. Im suprised she hasnt given me a hard time because she told me 3 weeks ago that I didnt deserve to see her at all.

she is extremly stressed out , in pain and tired from having such a big baby naturaly and then getting her tubes tied and the baby had some issues with her blood suger being low.

ive done well with being detached and not letting her stress be my stress and causing the disfunctional dance to take place that causes us so much trouble. Ive been around to offer any help I can and am supportive to her.

today she sends me a text asking me to come to the hospital to talk, when I got there she was dysreagulated and near a complete breakdown. they discharged her from the hospital but our baby has to stay another day or 2 ,she has to come to the hospital every 2 to 3 hrs to breast feed our daughter but she cant drive because of the surgery she just had. she needs someone to watch her 2 kids while she goes to the hospital and she needs someone to drive her to the hospital so she is freaking out because she has nobody to help.

she was asking me to help her with this, Im going to try and get my vacation days from work now to help her . I want to work things out with her and get back together but im going into this knowing as soon as she doesnt need my help any more she might paint me black again.

thoughts or opinions? 

[Eco]

well my daughter was born 3-3-13 9 lbs 2 ounces

my uNPD/BPD xgf texted me that morning and asked if I wanted her to send me a pic of the baby, I said yes and asked if I could come see her she said "maybe tomorrow" I didnt fight it and went and saw her on monday and tuesday. Im suprised she hasnt given me a hard time because she told me 3 weeks ago that I didnt deserve to see her at all.

she is extremly stressed out , in pain and tired from having such a big baby naturaly and then getting her tubes tied and the baby had some issues with her blood suger being low.

ive done well with being detached and not letting her stress be my stress and causing the disfunctional dance to take place that causes us so much trouble. Ive been around to offer any help I can and am supportive to her.

today she sends me a text asking me to come to the hospital to talk, when I got there she was dysreagulated and near a complete breakdown. they discharged her from the hospital but our baby has to stay another day or 2 ,she has to come to the hospital every 2 to 3 hrs to breast feed our daughter but she cant drive because of the surgery she just had. she needs someone to watch her 2 kids while she goes to the hospital and she needs someone to drive her to the hospital so she is freaking out because she has nobody to help.

she was asking me to help her with this, Im going to try and get my vacation days from work now to help her . I want to work things out with her and get back together but im going into this knowing as soon as she doesnt need my help any more she might paint me black again.

thoughts or opinions? 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

Congratulations!  Daughters are a blessing.   

As far as the relationship, take it one day at a time.  Validate.  Don't JADE.  Stick to your boundaries.  That's what you have control over.  What will be, will be.   

[ScornedNForlorn]

Congrats on the baby. Hope the stresses her mother & the situation put on you don't detract from this amazing time in your life.

[laelle]

Congrats Eco!   

[Surnia]

A big   for the proud father of a strong daughter!

It is a joy for you and also a challenge to be a detached father with boundaries.

[yeeter]

Congratulations Eco!

As far as the relationship, take it one day at a time.  Validate.  Don't JADE.  Stick to your boundaries.  That's what you have control over.  What will be, will be.   

+1 on this.  You are in the drivers seat for your own actions. 

[Eco]

Thanks everyone 

Im off to stay with my uNPD/BPD xgf for the next 5 days I will be in charge of all the duties of the house ( her 2 kids 8yr old and 2yr old girls) while she rests. the baby should be coming home tomorrow I hope.

As far as my xgf goes ive been very detached with her this week and today has been the strongest ive felt that, its a very peaceful feeling . im no longer worried if i will disappoint her and mess the R/S up worse than it is.

Ive already told her that if she wants my help she needs to rest and not supervise me to make sure its done right. her high NPD traits may come into play but hopefully not, if they do its her issue to deal with not mine.

I will post next week, thanks everyone for the support

[laelle]

Best of Luck Eco.  Enjoy your precious baby! 

[Rockylove]

Congratulations!  Daughters are a blessing.   

As far as the relationship, take it one day at a time.  Validate.  Don't JADE.  Stick to your boundaries.  That's what you have control over.  What will be, will be.   

DITTO! 

[Eco]

an update, I would call my stay with her a success. It wasnt without some issues but I found that being very mindfull of my triggers extremly helpfull to keep things from blowing up. i kept the mindset that when she was dysreagulated it wasnt my job to "fix" her and that kept me calm which ended our conflict a lot sooner.

I found that takeing time outs in my head helped take some of the pressure off as well, detaching really helped me to see things as they are, I felt bad to see her struggle with her emotions but I didnt take her issues on as my issues but instead I kept calm and would validate her feelings and I was even able to use S.E.T. a few times,before I would be so pulled in to her tornado of chaos I wasnt able to think straight at all. I was rock solid when she would start to rage at me and I acted like it wasnt bothering me at all ,I wasnt playing her game with her and I believe she sensed that because the episodes ended a lot quicker then in the past .  I have to say being very detached helped the most

thanks again for all the support 

[yeeter]

Well done Eco!

You learned.  Adapted.  And by your work and actions you made a positive improvement to the situation.

[briefcase]

i kept the mindset that when she was dysreagulated it wasnt my job to "fix" her and that kept me calm which ended our conflict a lot sooner.

  This is very, very good!  Glad your stay there went well, keep us posted.

[Eco]

You learned.  Adapted.  And by your work and actions you made a positive improvement to the situation.

thanks its baby steps for me

i kept the mindset that when she was dysreagulated it wasnt my job to "fix" her and that kept me calm which ended our conflict a lot sooner.


   This is very, very good!  Glad your stay there went well, keep us posted.

thanks BC