Do MY life choices make YOU feel defensive ?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

When and if I chose to examine my defensiveness as a mental health issue, I will seek a mental health professional, thank you for your kind concern all.

To clarify, respectfully, the topic of your subject header is geared towards others.  This board is about you, and your feelings and what it is you feel is holding you back.

Discussing this with a therapist would be a good thing if you would prefer to do it in person with a mental health professional.  It's ok if you're not ready to explore how this effects you here.  I think we all understand that.  There are topics that I sometimes feel I want to explore further about myself and am just not ready to do so on a public forum.  Those I do save to discuss with my T. 

Just know, we are here for you when you are ready. 

[Want2know]

When and if I chose to examine my defensiveness as a mental health issue, I will seek a mental health professional, thank you for your kind concern all.

To clarify, respectfully, the topic of your subject header is geared towards others.  This board is about you, and your feelings and what it is you feel is holding you back.

Discussing this with a therapist would be a good thing if you would prefer to do it in person with a mental health professional.  It's ok if you're not ready to explore how this effects you here.  I think we all understand that.  There are topics that I sometimes feel I want to explore further about myself and am just not ready to do so on a public forum.  Those I do save to discuss with my T. 

Just know, we are here for you when you are ready. 

[tailspin]

LGo2,

When I first started working on myself, one of the moderators asked me some very pointed questions similar to the ones I asked you in one of my earlier posts.  These questions are purely intended to be though provoking.  What you are feeling is important and what you think does matter.  

I've read many of your posts but I cannot determine if you ever really worked through the anger stage of grief.  :)id you?  Sometimes we build walls to keep our anger in... .  and it takes a huge effort to allow ourselves, or give permission to ourselves, to be angry. It's how we choose to express our anger that a)either prolongs our anger, or b)allows us to let the anger go.

If you are stuck, and maybe you aren't, sometimes it helps me if I turn the question around.  For example, if I posted your original question, I might do this to it:  ":)o my life choices make me feel defensive" or maybe ":)o your life choices make me feel inferior."  

This way, I can find out what's really bothering me.  Of course, this may not apply, or be at all helpful to you, and that's fine.  I hope you find peace regardless.

tailspin

[turtle]

Hi SummerT321 --

Your life choices are none of my business and whatever those choices are don't make me defensive at all.

Your tone, however, makes me defensive -- and THAT is something I have to look at within myself.  It has nothing to do with you.

turtle

[almost789]

... .  tailspin and want to know. This is so muddy now and circular, now I am angry and feel inferior because of your life choice? please. I lived a life of manogamy for 26 years and am still married to the same man. Manogamy or lack of it does in no way make me feel inferior. As I read through this entire post here I see no where where I was angry or inappropriately defensive. Seems like a classic case here of deflection and then projection. As I said, it's so muddy now and so circular. I honestly don't participate in nonsense like this. I'm done here.

[almost789]

One more comment to turtle, I just saw her post. If I make you feel defensive, that's ok. I won't claim that as a "mental health' issue for you. We all have defenses. I have a very strong personality. What I find is I have a lot of people who feel defensive around me. I have alot of people who don't feel that way at all around me. It's fine. We all have our own personality and differences. I even have best friends who tell me, you intimidated me when I first met you and I don't know why. But, now they love me. Anyway. It's all good.

[turtle]

What I find is I have a lot of people who feel defensive around me. I have alot of people who don't feel that way at all around me. It's fine.

Is it okay with you that many people perceive you this way?   

No judgment there --- just curious.

turtle

[lbjnltx]

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