How to deal with this?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I'm in the process of detachment from my exBPD. But there is a major problem, we both hang around the same social circles with-in our area. Know the same people, play the same hobby (that is how we met) This hobby is a game i love always have & always will & i will never give it up. I need it. She gave this hobby up while in our relationship, i was shocked about this because she also loved (apparently) the same hobby. But now she is back playing the game & has already bad-mouthed me to people, socializing with the same people. I have told non of these people any-thing about our situation, although people ask, i give them nothing. It's only a matter of time before i see her with-in this environment & i don't know how i will handle it. The bad-mouthing of me, i'm not sure whats thats about, i'm not sure if she will try to manipulate other people to hate me, i'm not sure or can trust those people who have came to me telling me what she said to try get a reaction from me so they can go back to her with what i have said, there will be very few people that have a clue about what she is like & her madness I really need some advice on the situation...

[standfree]

I'm in the process of detachment from my exBPD. But there is a major problem, we both hang around the same social circles with-in our area. Know the same people, play the same hobby (that is how we met) This hobby is a game i love always have & always will & i will never give it up. I need it. She gave this hobby up while in our relationship, i was shocked about this because she also loved (apparently) the same hobby. But now she is back playing the game & has already bad-mouthed me to people, socializing with the same people. I have told non of these people any-thing about our situation, although people ask, i give them nothing. It's only a matter of time before i see her with-in this environment & i don't know how i will handle it. The bad-mouthing of me, i'm not sure whats thats about, i'm not sure if she will try to manipulate other people to hate me, i'm not sure or can trust those people who have came to me telling me what she said to try get a reaction from me so they can go back to her with what i have said, there will be very few people that have a clue about what she is like & her madness I really need some advice on the situation...

[have gone nc]

Its just a BPD smear campaign, get in there quick to make you look like the abuser and cover tracks. If you had abused someone and then people asked why you split, your answer wouldn't be " because I abused the hello out of him/her! " My ex ex BPD fiance told everyone she had to leave me because i was a control freak and stopped her seeing her friends... .  one person even commented " but she doesn't have any? "

The people who want to believe this aren't worth your time anyway, because they are not emotionally healthy. You dont want people like that in your life.

Just go do your thing!

I have a promise to myself and have had for years " as long as I can go to bed every night and know i have not f****d anyone over to get where i am, then im happy and don't care what people believe "

[turtle]

Well... .  at first look... .  I say... .  don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. 

She may have inserted herself back into this world temporarily, but who knows if she will continue to do so.

Having said that... .  these relationships are costly.  IF (and it's a big IF) she continues to encroach upon your world, you might have to change your world.  You say you're not willing to give up this game, but the time may come where you have to.

For now... .  go about your business... .  enjoy your life -- and if this game is part of that, then embrace it.  Continue working on distancing and detaching from the ex.  And if the day comes where you have to make a decision to give up the game thing... .  you'll know what to do.

turtle

[have gone nc]

I would guess if they meet someone else with different interests then they will mirror them and have a new favorite thing to do... .  at the moment its probably a way to keep contact with you... .  it will pass... .  

[LuckyEscapee]

I have a promise to myself and have had for years " as long as I can go to bed every night and know i have not f****d anyone over to get where i am, then im happy and don't care what people believe "

Wow HaveGoneNC this brought tears to my eyes, it is what I believe too, and always have. Something my parents taught me. Never heard it said that way before, but it triggered because my ex constantly tried to tell me I was this manipulative, using, horror of a person, when actually the above life long belief held me fast in the darkest of days.

Standfree: the truth is, the people who know you, the people you care about, really know you. A pwBPD cannot erase history with lies. It shows them up for what they are. Everyone else on the periphery aren't really interested one way or another. It reflects badly on them, not you, it gets seen as playground behavior. Not pleasant though.

The best antidote for dealing with a pwBPD is to be unapologetically you. The people who like and love you, do so because of exactly who you are.