has anyone heard of "DYSLIMBIA"?

[Pou]

My wife is more like a NPD than BPD.  But I see the severe side of her NPD everytime she has a child (post delivery) ... .  so I heard there is a term and it is called ":)YSLIMBIA" and to make matter worst.  My wife is the type that will never ever apologize for anything ... .  typically to me.  She will never admit wrong doing with me.  My 5 year daughter actually called her out a few times.  It is crazy... .  I would never ever wanted that to happen ... .  because it takes two good parents to raise a good child... .  it is shameful and i always play her non-sensical attacks and behaviors down when my daughter flat out ask me why does mommy does or says the things she say ... .  I don't want my daughter to loose her respect for her mom, because that may get her more confused at this age.  Perhaps later, she can better deal with it ... but not at the age of 5.  I spoke to my wife about the consequence on her behavior is not just on me, but on kids too ... .  of course, she turns the table around and so I stopped bring it up with her.  If ":)YSLIMBIA" is common ... .  then that would explain why there are more women BPD cases than men.  Let me tell you, being a non, it is like living in hell.  I bend my self backwards, I do everything for her and for my kids.  not only I don't get appreciate it, everyday, I have to watch out if I get attacked for the good deeds that I do.  LIfe is horrible living in a situation with a NPD/BPD and you can not get out.  it is like a roller coaster ride while sitting on egg shells. 

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[Somewhere]

"It is crazy."

You have that part right.

Pretty sharp of the 5 year old to already figure things out.

Just speaking from my experience -- your mileage may vary -- in our house, my loyalty is to the kids.  Can't be loyal to crazy, after all.

As you are already observing, the kids will figure things out, anyway.  They need at least one sane parent to go to.  Only one to fill that role is you.

In our house our 10 year daughter also has things figured out.  She has already read the entire school library section on mental health.  When I am out, she texts me "Metaphorical Meterolocial Reports."  Said shortly -- how is the weather?  The weather being Mom's nutz factor for the day.  Helps the kid feel in control of her situation, and I take her to Alateen (her request and school T suggestion).  Have to give the kids as sane of world as possible.

Of course Mom did not want the kids to get help.  Went on the most wacked out screaming fit ever the first night I took our daughter to Ala-teen.  Don't worry about whether the kids respect Mom.  Not your job and not your problem.  You can be fairly certain that she will or already has been lying and trying to cut down you to them, already. 

Also (again just my experience) the bending over backwards will just bend your back.  Figure out what you want, and what you will tolerate, and keep your car in your lane.  Running around rescuing and helping nutty stuff just brings more nutty stuff.

[Auspicious]

Try to stay centered and balanced. Yes, don't break yourself trying to cover up for her dysfunction. OTOH, "teaming up" with the kids to badmouth Mom isn't good either.

In every way, try to stay balanced. It's hard.

[Pou]

"Somewhere", thank you for your reply.  It is extremely draining to be living and raising 3 kids together with a NPD.  After I posted my post, I get so drained and did not even have the mental capacity to check replies.  Knowing that I try to clear my head as much as I could and in order to keep my balance as "Auspicious" suggested, I need to pretend everything is okay and that even means tricking myself to think that way.  Of course, I know in my core, it is not.  But I don't have a solution and I used to think "if I can only make her understand ... .  ".  well ... .  for all you newbies to BPD&NPD, don't bother ... .  the more you "try" ... .  the more they fight back.   "Somewhere" You are 100% about cutting down  ... .  they are so horrific... and she is persistent ... .  she accuses me multiple unspeakable things in front of my 5 year old.  She also says that she wishes my mother is dead in front of my 5 year old multiple times and lies about she says those nasty things because I am mean to her mom and also my mom stole things from our house (my mom doesn't drive, she is crippled and need a walker, she is also 81 years old).  Who in the right mind would say that kind of thing about my daughter's grandma to her?  One day in the car, my daughter in confidence tells me that she knows that my wife is lying about me and my mother and she is confused why my wife would make up things like that.  I am so hurt when I realize that my daughter has to absorb the garbage that my wife has to throw at me.  My daughter is only 5, she doesn't deserve this kind of bull.  She should receive love from every relatives without mom or/and dad standing in the way.  I am 40 plus old.  All my life, I have been a straight arrow.  I never ever once got into a fight, never hit any my exgirl friends and wife, my sisters and female cousins ... .  I hate men who hit women ... .  because I have two sisters, many female cousins and now with two daughters.  Somehow my wife was able to get me arrested with a made up claims about how I strangled her.  I have never ever put my hands around her neck and I don't understand why women would make up something like that.  I now, take all the women abuse reports with cynicism... .  I no longer believe most of the claims.  I just can't.  Based on my own experience now, I knew that the police and the law treat men guilty prior to any investigation, a simple accusation by a woman will doom a man.  Luckily for me, she actually caused a cut on my lips ... .  so she had to work with me to drop the case (because she was charged too).  The police told me that I was lucky that she gave me a cut, without it, no one would ever believe me.  The insane thing is that she has no visible sign of anything on the same night at the station.  The report says that when she went in, she had red marks around her neck (that is 4 hours after she left home to the airport to pick up her mom), no bruise.  Yet, police treated me as if I was the one who puts marks there.  With domestic violence claims, now police are required to over react and comes down very harsh on men with a simple accusation by women.  I think NPD and BPD women definitely sets women movement backwards. 

It is strange that I don't understand that why would anyone say the marriage vows and only to betray it so blatantly?  Honestly, I am a cynic to this whole marriage thing.  I think if you have found true love (something I thought I knew what it is when I have it, boy ... .  was I wrong), perhaps marriage i worth a while.  Otherwise, it is an extreme liability in one's life.  Someone once said, you don't know what true love is until you have your first child.  Now I have three and I can tell you, those three are true love for me.  With spouse, you want team partnership.  You want mutual respect, caring and loving relationship.  It is not unconditional, it has to be reciprocal.  With kids, I give, I give and I give.  Anything that I get back from them, all are blessings ... .  I take them with tremendous joy.  So ... .  I guess in a very twisted way, through my rocky and rough NPD spousal relationship, I actually have found true love.  Sorry for rambling on ... .  this helps me to vent ... and hopefully in the process, someone who reads this can also benefit from a sharing experience.