12 Step Programs

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

One on the many things i can be grateful for for a difficult 1 year r/s with a wounded woman (cPTSD and/or BPD) is that it brought me into ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics or dysfunctional families) and CoDA (Codependents Anonymous).

I was 3 years sober (4.5 now) when I got into this r/s and it took me to my deepest bottom ever (emotional).

I am seeking how my FOO and codependent traits set me up to stay longer than I should have - for me and her.

I am just working the 1st step of both programs but see big healing in the 4th step inventories. I have stopped blaming her and am now looking at my own stuff.

It's "the heroes journey". Anyone else here work these programs? Any ESH?

[nolisan]

One on the many things i can be grateful for for a difficult 1 year r/s with a wounded woman (cPTSD and/or BPD) is that it brought me into ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics or dysfunctional families) and CoDA (Codependents Anonymous).

I was 3 years sober (4.5 now) when I got into this r/s and it took me to my deepest bottom ever (emotional).

I am seeking how my FOO and codependent traits set me up to stay longer than I should have - for me and her.

I am just working the 1st step of both programs but see big healing in the 4th step inventories. I have stopped blaming her and am now looking at my own stuff.

It's "the heroes journey". Anyone else here work these programs? Any ESH?

[gina louise]

 

I went to al anon for a while. it helped but what helped more was Susan Andersons' books- the Inner child dialogues.

it really helped me see how my Little Self was controlling the actions and reactions of my Big Self.

GL

[lockedout]

I go to Celebrate Recovery when I can. They have a 12 step program but my work/child schedule doesn't allow for the classes but I can still go to the meetings. It has been pretty helpful.

[nolisan]

For me these programs help take the focus off of her and her behavior and looks at my own stuff. Get out of victim mode.

[Somewhere]

Has changed my life.

Very (VERY, VERY) Much for the better.

I am doing Al-Anon, and our 10 year old daughter is doing Ala-teen, since Mrs. Somewhere came back from Re-Had (eating disorder), a couple of months ago and had been messing with her.  Daughter asked me for help, and Ala-Teen has been it.  [Thank You, God.]

I had done Alanon a couple of years ago, for a couple years, and dropped away when we moved.  I loved my "old" group so much I did not want to go to another [for anyone reading -- learn from my bad example], and was slipping into my old ways.

Mrs. Somewhere has been in AA for years [a private college threatened to kick her out -- said while she could make the grades, they would not graduate a drunk].  Whle that kept her drinking and drugs mostly in check it does not really directly deal with the mental illness issues.  She did have a relapse about 7 years ago, but never changed her "date."  Did not understand what all that meant at the time.  I do now.  Part of the lies that bind and chain her.

When some of the crazy stuff pushed us over the edge this last Summer, I went back to Al-Anon with my tail between my legs.  Been a GREAT thing for me.  Started working real hard on my stuff, and Mrs. and her sponsor, invited me to a email discussion regarding Eating Disorders -- her sponsor had Been There, Done That, too.   

Problem with a Borderline Type ever letting different groups of people get together is the story mis-matches.  Mrs. S had been lying to the sponsor for years that I would not let Mrs. S go to Re-Hab.  I just laughed and said it sounded good to me.  By the time Thelma and Louise (my nickname for Mrs. S and her Sponsor) got the Re-Hab planned, they screwed up the schedule and the whole thing was a basket-case mess.

She came back half-baked, but I was already Very Deep on the Al-Anon track (Thank You, God, again).  With her going full-blown wacky, it caused me to study what the real illness is and has been going on.  For Years. 

Answer:  Emotional Dyregulation, likely due to HyperActive Amygdala.  Borderline in less clinical terms.  With all the rest of Borderline Line-up.

At any rate, you asked what 12 step program(s) have done for us.  And at the brief level, that is some of it.  Anyone wants more details, help, etc., I am both obliged, and happy to give it.